Serendipity
by AdeleParker
Summary: She had heard the tale times and times before. But that hadn't mattered. They had always thought they were different. AU post-season 12, E/O. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: everything you recognize is not mine.

Thanks to Mariah for beta-ing!

Read & review, please... :)

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><p><em><strong>SERENDIPITY<strong>_

_**Chapter 1**_

Like every year for the last three years, she found herself curled up in a chair, looking out the window while nursing a glass of wine in her hands. She felt a bit numb from her usual conflicting emotions. Nostalgic, sad, fearful… but never, in over three years, had she not felt happy.

She felt like a cliché… she was a cliché for that matter. She knew that, hated it too. She had never been a cliché before. But that was okay she supposed. She wouldn't trade what she had now for anything in the world.

She should have seen it coming in a way. She hadn't been careful. Reckless was more like it. She had become more and more reckless, both in her job, and in her personal life, going so far as to dangerously mix so two of them. The consequences were bound to happen sooner or later. But as consequences went, these weren't so bad.

She had heard the tale times and times before. But that hadn't mattered. They had always thought they were different. And they were, in a way. Yet, in other ways they were just like everyone else. They weren't special, just humans. Flawed, very flawed humans.

At least, the cliché didn't go as far as one night of unbridled passion having been enough to turn their lives upside down. It took a few nights for them to get to this point. But lives had been rocked alright. She wasn't sure about his, but her world had radically changed. Although, definitely not for the worse.

It, _they_, had started just a few days after Sealview. He had been worried. He had been refraining from asking questions but she had caught him staring at her. Looking right at her, his eyes had bored holes into her soul.

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><p>One late night, his eyes had crossed hers one too many times. She had abandoned the paperwork, stood up, grabbed her coat and left without a word. Not fifteen minutes after she had walked into her apartment, he had been knocking on her door. She had opened to him, stared at his hard face, his hooded eyes, his set jaw, his determined posture. He wasn't backing down. She wasn't sure which one of them that had scared the most.<p>

She had taken a step backward as he stepped forward.

"What happened in that basement, Olivia?" he had asked.

"Screw you." Her voice had been a harsh whisper.

She had turned away from him, had heard him close and lock the door. She had gone to get a drink in the kitchen. She had felt him behind her.

He had asked again.

"I'm not going there with you."

"You won't talk to me, fine. But talk to someone, anyone."

"I'm fine."

"That's bullshit, Liv! You help rape victims every day. Why don't you take some of your own advice?"

She turned to face him, annoyed but not surprised at finding him so close. Her watered eyes had dropped to the floor.

"I wasn't raped, El."

She hadn't looked at him. She hadn't had to. She had heard him expel a long breath.

"Okay. But you know it doesn't take… it doesn't take rape to cause trauma."

She had looked up at him, prepared to argue, to fight, to deny. She hadn't. His whole being had been a strange combination of strength and gentleness, of anger and concern, of determination and hesitation. She had leaned into him and brushed her lips against his. The mere contact had made her jolt and recoil. But he hadn't let her. He had pressed his lips back upon hers. He had kissed her. She was the one who had slipped her hands under his shirt, who had sunk her nails into his back. She had moaned in his mouth and had grabbed him by the belt to get him closer.

They had slept together.

For the first time.

Definitely not the last.

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><p>She closed her eyes and swallowed her wine. She got up and walked to the nearest window, looking down at the quiet, dark street. She watched a man walk his dog. A car parked, letting a middle aged couple out. In a lit window across the street, a woman was nursing an infant.<p>

She smiled.

She was fiercely protective and always attentive. But she had stopped worrying about the evil that might be lurking behind any closed door, in any shadow. She no longer spent her days expecting all hell to break lose.

It wasn't fear that twisted her gut nowadays. It was guilt. She always had a tendency to feel guilty for everything that was wrong with the world. But that was abstract. The guilt hadn't been abstract after that first time, and every time after. Instead, the guilt had a face, a name. It was a clear image in her mind. It was a little boy she had helped bring into the world, wrapped securely in his mother's arms. It was Eli and Kathy.

She could have thrown up from the image.

It wasn't a regular affair. They had slept together maybe a couple times a year since that first night. She scoffed at her own delusion. As if she didn't remember every one of their fucks. The angry ones, the desperate ones, the loving ones…

It was when he was gentle and affectionate that she hurt the most.

And then Jenna happened.

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><p>He had come to her that night, after having given up his badge and his gun to IAB. After he had killed a young orphaned girl. He had stayed until the sun had risen up. He had sat down on the edge of her bed and had run a hand through his short hair. She had scooted closer to him, her bare breasts against his back. She had scratched lightly at the tendrils of hair on his chest and had pressed her lips to his shoulder.<p>

"I have to leave, Olivia."

"I know."

She knew he had to go back to his family. She knew he would have to deal with Lieutenant Tucker in the near future. She knew they didn't share the intimacy of the morning together.

She hadn't known he had to leave like that. In all the years she had known him, she had been clueless about that.

She hadn't known he would leave her the way he had. Taking an indeterminate leave of absence. Ignoring her calls, her voicemails, her mails, her texts… Driving over to his house was a step she had refused to take. She had no personal claim over him. He had left the job and her with it. That was all there was.

For nearly two months.

And one day, she and Fin had interviewed a young girl. She had been fifteen. She had been raped weeks ago but hadn't reported it. Fin had asked her why she had chosen to come forward now.

The girl had looked at Olivia.

"I… I was late… I…"

She had started crying silently, before reaching for something in her coat. She had set the positive pregnancy test on the table.

"I was really late…" the girl had sobbed.

And Olivia had gone numb, detached from the girl's distress. She had swallowed the lump in her throat and had resisted the urge to run from the room and to the nearest toilet.

She was late.

Instead she had focused on the victim, as usual. And she had done her job, as usual. But her first stop after walking out of the precinct had been a pharmacy, and then straight home to her bathroom.

The next morning she had made an appointment with her doctor. When he had confirmed the news, she had tried calling Elliot again. She had left a voicemail asking him to call her back. There was something she had to talk to him about.

He hadn't called back.

She hadn't tried again. Truth was, she wasn't sure she had wanted him to call back at that point.

For some reason they had never used protection. He did with his wife. She did with her occasional dates. _They_ didn't. She had no idea why. Maybe she thought she was too old. Maybe it would have somehow made the whole thing all the more real. Maybe it was some unconscious wishful thinking thing.

Maybe they were just that stupid.

She had waited a couple of weeks without telling anyone. Then a perp had taken her hostage and had beaten her up. She hadn't resisted going to the hospital. She and the baby were fine.

She had handed in her resignation the next day though. She hadn't waited for it to be processed. She had taken all the leave she had on the book and left.

Ran. She ran.

She had packed up a couple of suitcases and had bought a ticket.

San Francisco.

That's where she would be starting her new life. The thought made her surprisingly peaceful.

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><p>She had spent the first couple of weeks at a hotel, until she had found a small, cozy two bedroom apartment to rent. She had enough money saved. It's not like she'd had a lot to spend money on in New York.<p>

She had gone to see a doctor. She was nearly forty-five and she knew the danger of a late in life pregnancy. But everything had seemed okay. She had been determined to make sure it stayed that way.

She had found a job in a new technology firm. She was in charge of running all the background checks on potential new employees. She had her own office, a big one as that. Most of the time, it was a 9 to 5 kind of job, with the occasional nightly stake-out. A little boring really, but that was okay.

Shannon, her boss, the head of security, had taken a shine to her and had quickly become a friend. She had asked questions but never pushed. She hadn't rubbed her back when Olivia had thrown up in her trashcan. But the next day, Olivia had found a 6 pack of ginger ale and a bag of crackers on her desk.

The nausea had started unusually late, but it really hadn't been that bad. The most annoying thing had been the peeing. Every fifteen minutes she had been up and going to the bathroom.

She had breathed a little easier after the results of the amniocentesis had come back clean.

She had had a couple of scares though. In her sixth month, a sharp pain had her double over and collapse on the floor of the office. She had flashed back to the time Elliot had caught her right before the fall.

Early in her eight month, strong contractions had made her take a cab from her place to the hospital. Just Braxton-Hicks contractions she had been told. "Don't worry ma'am, you'll know when you'll be in labor". Elliot would have known about Braxton-Hicks.

Shannon had picked her up from the hospital that day. She was her emergency contact now. When they had gotten to her apartment, Olivia had sat down and had started to cry. She had sobbed for long, long minutes, barely able to breathe. Her meltdown had been so bad that Shannon had even suggested going back to the hospital.

She had calmed down eventually and had gone to sleep exhausted, asking for Elliot. The next morning, she had asked Shannon to forget about Elliot. He wasn't in her life anymore.

She had gone into labor on February 6th, eleven days early.

Her little girl was born February 7th.

"Have you thought of a name, yet?" a nurse had asked her.

She had chosen as soon as she had known she was having a girl. She had gone back on it a few times. But she hadn't managed to change her own mind.

"Ella Benson."

That was three years ago.

The first few months had been tough, with a bad case of post-partum depression. She had done a lot of crying. And she had hated it. That was not her. She was not a crier. But she hadn't been a mother before.

She had spent the first few months working mostly from home. Her schedule had been Ella's schedule: a couple of hours of quiet before she would wake up crying and fussing.

She had befriended Jenny, the neighbors' sixteen years old daughter who babysat for her on occasions.

One Saturday morning, Shannon had dropped by to see her and basically kidnapped her for the day, taking Olivia with her to the spa for a day of pampering. She had already gotten Jenny to babysit.

It had been a pretty good day.

Except that, for some reason, she hadn't been able to stop thinking about Elliot. She hadn't cried but the pain was like a fist around her heart. She had sighed. Shannon had seen right through her.

"You're still thinking about him?" Shannon had asked her.

"I don't want to talk about him" Olivia had answered.

"Maybe you should call him."

"I won't."

She hadn't pushed.

Life had gone on.

On occasions she had had to go away on business for a couple of days. She would leave Ella with Shannon.

Every time she had been to a major city, she had sent a postcard to Don, expecting him to share with Munch and Fin at the very least. Love, Olivia. She hadn't wanted to explain things to anyone. But she had cared about these people, still did. She hadn't meant to hurt any one of them. She hoped she hadn't.

She hadn't gone back to New York.

Ella's first birthday had been a great day. They had just moved from the apartment to a small house and had had a few people over: the next door neighbors, Shannon, a couple of colleagues, one whose wife had a daughter three months older than hers.

Ella had been all smiles. So had she.

She had said her first word that day. Her first two words actually. Ella, Mamma! Ella, Mamma! She had been sitting down on the floor, reaching her arms out to Olivia. She had picked her daughter up, hugged her and kissed the top of her head.

Her name wasn't the only thing Ella had gotten from her father. She had his eyes. The rest was all Olivia: the same light blonde hair she had had as a baby, the dark complexion, the smile… She was a beautiful child, motherly bias aside.

She had thought a lot about him that day.

She had cried herself to sleep that night.

Almost a year after that, she had stumbled back on old, familiar grounds. She wasn't sure how she had felt about that.

She had been in the process of thoroughly checking out a promising young researcher. He had been a rapist. She had gone to the police with what she had found out. Because of her experience, they had agreed to let her assist with the case. They had put him behind bars.

She had half expected that she wouldn't want to stop arresting rapists after that. Like it was an addiction. Like she would fall off the wagon that was her new life. But she hadn't. She had felt good about that.

That case had brought another pleasant surprise.

Gavin Pfeiffer.

He was the brother in law of one of the victims. He was an attorney in the civil. Family law mostly. He was tall, dark, handsome. His wife had died four years before. He had remained close with her sister.

He had been shy and clumsy when he had asked Olivia out for coffee. She had found him cute and sweet. Easy. She had politely declined though. He had called her back a few days after. By then, Shannon had already been all over her about moving on.

So Olivia had had coffee with him.

He had kissed her goodnight on their second date. She had felt utterly ridiculous at the butterflies in her stomach.

She had had to cancel their fourth date because of a babysitting emergency. He had dropped by with a pizza and a puzzle for Ella. She had reluctantly let him in but hadn't regretted it. After dinner, they had solved the puzzle along with Ella. She had put her to bed, and had rushed to the bathroom to brush her teeth, fix her hair and makeup. She had felt completely stupid, but in a good way.

They had made out on the couch like a couple of horny teenagers. It hadn't gone further than that though. Not that she hadn't wanted it to. She had been celibate for over two years then. But there was Ella. He had smiled in understanding, had given her one last kiss before leaving.

She had checked him out the next day.

When she had found out, Shannon had glared at her, both as her boss and her friend. But she had let it slide, asking instead if she had found anything. He had been arrested twenty years ago for public indecency. He had been caught having sex with his fiancée, both badly hidden in a public park's bushes. He had done a few hours of community service.

Shannon had told her to dismiss it as a youthful mistake.

But the sex crimes detective in her hadn't been able to dismiss it. She had blown him off a couple times after that. He had come to see her. She had asked about his record. He had laughed it off: he had been young and in love. He had accused her of being damaged and commitment phobic. She hadn't denied it. He had stormed off. Not ten seconds after, he had walked back into the house and kissed her. He had made love to her that night, on her bed, quietly, both mindful of Ella's presence across the hall.

He had slipped out quietly in the early morning. She hadn't felt sad, or upset. They both had work, and she had Ella to protect from the world.

"Stay" she had whispered the third night.

That Saturday morning, he had already been making coffee when she had come back from checking on Ella. He had asked her if she had any pancake mix. The domesticity of it all had nearly made her cry.

A couple of months later, Shannon had asked her what kind of engagement ring she wanted. Olivia's mouth had hung open for a few long seconds.

"Don't read anything into it, Olivia" Shannon had added.

"I don't want an engagement ring" she had answered.

He had remembered their six month anniversary. She hadn't. He had smiled and told her he loved her. She had kissed him.

Gavin had taken her out one Friday evening. He had been mostly silent, which had her concerned. Back at her apartment, he had sat her down on the couch and had taken her into his arms. She had sighed.

"Are you leaving me or proposing?" she had tried to joke.

"I'm not leaving you, Olivia" he had answered.

She probably should have been happier about that. But the other alternative had scared the hell out of her.

"I got a job offer, from a big firm. I could make partner in just a couple of years."

"I'm guessing it's not in San Francisco…"

"New York."

He knew most of her past. She had been one of New York's finest and gotten involved with a married colleague. She had always refused to talk to him about Elliot. She had made clear she didn't want anything to do with him or New York anymore.

Of all the cities in the world…

She might have followed him to Moscow if he had asked. But not to New York. He hadn't understood. She hadn't explained. He had left.

That Monday she had gone to his office to see him. She had apologized with tears in her eyes. She had kissed him goodbye. They had parted both sad and regretful, but on relatively good terms.

She had cried in her pillow that night. She hadn't been sure over what, over whom.

Ella had asked her about Gavin. She had just told him he had moved away. He had called them a couple of times. It had helped.

One night she had been tucking Ella in, the big question had finally come up.

"Why I have no daddy?" Ella had asked in a soft, sleepy voice.

Olivia's heart had broken into pieces. She had felt the familiar lump in her throat, the sting of tears in her eyes.

"Everyone has a daddy, baby."

"You don't."

"Well I never knew him. But I know his name was Joe."

"Billy's daddy comes to daycare. I don't know my daddy."

"It's complicated, Ella. But that doesn't mean you're not loved, you know that right?"

"I love you mommy."

"I love you too, baby. More than anything in the world."

She had kissed her goodnight and stroked her hair. She had adjusted the covers before walking out of the room, leaving the door slightly ajar. She had managed to make it to the bathroom before she had started sobbing. She had bitten her lip to keep quiet.

For the umpteenth time, she had thought about Elliot, and she had wondered if her decision really had been the right one. But then she had remembered Ella's smile, her laugh. She was a happy little girl and really, that was all that mattered.

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><p>Yet like every year on Ella's birthday, Olivia found herself once again pondering the choices she had made. But these thoughts always ended up in a stalemate, because she knew she wouldn't do anything to endanger the happiness and stability of her little girl's life.<p>

"Mommy?"

Ella's little voice broke the silence of the room and made Olivia jump a bit. She turned to her daughter.

"Ella, it's past midnight, baby. What are you doing up?"

"Barney licked my face."

Olivia chuckled softly. She went to sit on the edge of the living room coffee table, in front of the three year old who had managed to convince her to get her a puppy for her birthday. She set her glass of wine on the far end of the table before tucking a strand of hair behind her daughter's ear.

"Didn't I say something about no dog on the bed?" she asked with a soft smile.

"He jumped when I was sleeping" she answered with a shrug.

"He did, did he?"

Ella's answer was a nod of the head, before she yawned widely, rushing both her little hands on her mouth. Olivia stood up, picking her daughter up in her arms and taking her upstairs to her room.

"Come on baby, let's get us to bed."

"I'm three now, mommy. Not a baby."

"You'll always be my baby, sweetheart."

By the time she put Ella down on her bed, the little girl had already gone back to sleep. She shooed the puppy away before lying down next to her daughter.

The next month passed by quietly, before her life was turned upside down once again.

Her late Saturday afternoon with Ella was interrupted by a knock on the door. She stood up from the living room floor and went to answer.

"Hi Olivia."

There was a long moment of silence, before Olivia found her voice.

"Kathleen. What… How…"

"May I come in?"


	2. Chapter 2

_I really appreciate the reviews and alerts! Keep 'em coming. :)_

_Just so you know, most of the story is already written. I'll try and post a new chapter every week._

_Once again, thousands thanks to my beta, Mariah94. Don't hesitate to check out her fics!_

_PS: MoonlightGardenias, I haven't confused the names. Jenna is the girl Elliot shot in the S12 finale. ;)_

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><p>Her late Saturday afternoon with Ella was interrupted by a knock on the door. She stood up from the living room floor and went to answer.<p>

"Hi Olivia."

There was a long moment of silence, before Olivia found her voice.

"Kathleen. What… How…"

"Can I come in?"

Olivia shot a look outside, over Kathleen's shoulder.

"I came alone if that's what you're wondering" the young woman explained.

Olivia didn't add a word but stepped away to let Kathleen Stabler come in. The young woman looked around the hallway for a moment, before laying her eyes on Olivia again. By then, she had regained some of her composure.

"How are you doing?" Olivia asked.

"Pretty good. Still on the meds, so…" Kathleen quipped.

"That's good. It's nice to see you again. You look wonderful, sweetie."

"You too. But come on Olivia, don't pretend you didn't have a small heart attack when you saw me."

Before she could answer, she saw Kathleen's eyes shift focus. She turned, but she already knew what had caught the young woman's attention. She was staring at the dirty blond haired little girl, almond-shaped blue eyes sparkling with mischief. Ella was half hiding behind the living-room wall, one hand on the doorframe, the other hidden behind her back. Olivia narrowed her eyes at her, knowing that expression all too well.

"Mommy? Who is that?"

Ella walked up to them, a curious frown on her face. Olivia put her hands on the girl's shoulder placing her in front of her, facing Kathleen.

"Sweetie, that's Kathleen, she's… an old friend of mine. "

The blonde woman squatted down before her.

"And you must be Ella. It's nice to meet you."

Olivia's eyebrows shot up at the mention of her daughter's name. But she caught sight of something else.

"Ella Benson, is that a cookie in your hand?"

Her daughter turned swiftly towards her, her teeth biting on her lower lip.

"What did I say about cookies before dinner?"

"But I was hungry."

"We eat in less than an hour, baby."

"Kathleen too?"

Olivia glanced briefly at the young woman, before nodding.

"Kathleen is welcome to stay if she wants too."

Ella took Kathleen's hand and pulled her towards the living room.

"Come on. You'll meet Barney."

Olivia just stared after them. She wasn't that social, and her daughter had always been a bit weary towards strangers. Her taking such an instant shine to Kathleen had her wondering and maybe worrying a bit.

She took a moment to sort out her thoughts. But the mere idea of the conversation she would have to have with Kathleen had her gut twisting and her hands shaking. She had on occasions thought of the what ifs in the past years. But she had never gone so far in her wanderings as to imagine the conversation. The reality of actually having to confront her past with her present had caught her by surprise.

She felt lost, but she also felt certain of the one thing that mattered, the one thing she had to protect. No matter what happened, Ella was not going to get hurt. That was what she had to focus on.

She walked in the living room, where her daughter was trying to make her puppy dance. Kathleen was sitting cross-legged on the floor, looking quietly at Ella's game.

She left the girls alone, crossing the room towards the kitchen. She placed the chair her daughter had used to get to the cookies back in its place. She picked up the box of cookies from the table and looked at her daughter from across the kitchen counter.

"Ella?"

The little girl turned to her mother to see her holding up the incriminating box, her eyebrows raised up in question.

"Isn't there a rule about higher shelves?"

"I don't play climber by myself," she muttered, head down.

One foot came stomping on the floor in annoyance, bringing a small smile to Olivia's face. She glanced up when Kathleen breathed out a short laugh, before looking back at her daughter.

"You need either a partner or a harness to play climber, okay?"

"Yes."

Satisfied, Olivia turned away, but stopped what she was doing when she heard Kathleen spark up a conversation with Ella.

"Your mother has a lot of rules, kid?"

"I guess."

"She loves you very much, doesn't she?"

"Course she does, she's my mom. I love her very much too."

When Olivia turned back to them, Ella was kneeling on the couch, complimenting Kathleen on her hair. She couldn't get over the way the young Stabler was looking at her daughter. There was nothing close to resentment, contempt or dislike in her eyes. Instead she seemed to be looking at her as if she had just found the big, shiny present under the Christmas tree. She seemed definitely curious, maybe excited, a little amazed.

She wasn't sure exactly what Kathleen knew about her daughter. But still, it calmed Olivia down in a way. Maybe things would be okay.

But she also knew that she had more of a connection with Kathleen than with any of his kids. Eli was a different story. But Kathleen definitely was not the norm.

She was back to not knowing what to expect, and as usual, it made her uncomfortable.

oooooooooo

The dinner was more lively and less awkward than Olivia had expected. But an excited three year old will do that. Ella shared puppy stories, daycare stories, Olivia stories, Gavin stories. The latest made her a little uncomfortable towards Kathleen.

And then Ella focused her interest on Kathleen, bombarding her with questions. Olivia first tried to calm her down a bit. Yet she also enjoyed knowing more about Kathleen's current life. But when dessert came, Ella decided to get curious about the young woman's family. She decided to cut the conversation short.

"Come on, baby, it's almost bedtime already. How about you go watch some tv, then we'll get you into bed."

"No bath?"

"Tomorrow morning."

The little girl nodded, got down from her chair and started to leave. But she caught sight of Kathleen starting to clear out the table and suddenly decided to help out. Olivia smiled and kissed the top of her daughter's hair when she rose on the tip of her toes to put her plate in the sink.

She shared an amused look with Kathleen as the little girl ran and jumped on the couch, immediately followed by Barney.

"She's a good kid" Kathleen said softly.

"Yeah she is. Although it's not usually that easy to get her to help out."

"Sounds familiar…"

She glanced quickly at Kathleen unsure what the girl meant. But she was busy picking at a grape, her eyes down.

"Where are you staying at?" Olivia asked.

"I have a room booked at the airport hotel" was Kathleen's curt answer.

"You can spend the night here if you want. I'll take Ella with me, you can have her room."

"Aren't you eager to get rid of me?" Kathleen asked half serious, half joking.

"Somehow, I don't think that's going to happen."

Olivia gave Kathleen a tight, although sincere, smile.

"Really, you should stay here tonight, Kathleen."

The young woman accepted the invitation and went to get a small bag from her rental. Olivia explained the sleeping arrangements to a very excited little girl. The second Kathleen walked back into the house, Ella ran to her and led her up the stairs to her bedroom, Olivia following after them. She grabbed Ella's jammies and handed them to the girl, instructing her to go put them on and brush her teeth.

Ella put them under her arms and instead ran to Kathleen, who had just put her bag down on a chair. She pulled a big grey tee from it and showed it to Ella.

"How about we both put our pajamas on, kid?"

Ella slid a glance in Kathleen's bag, and immediately sighted the framed picture on top of it.

"That a picture of you?"

Olivia met Kathleen's eyes and immediately knew what the picture was. The young woman grabbed the picture and handed it to Ella. She glanced at Olivia again, her look almost daring her to say something.

"That's my family. My parents, and my sisters and brothers" Kathleen explained.

"Wow, you got a big family!"

Olivia walked up to them, took the picture from her daughter and put it back on Kathleen's bag.

"Alright, Miss Benson. I want you ready for bed in ten minutes. Shoo."

The little girl flashed a smile at Kathleen before running to the bathroom. Olivia turned her back on her to get clean sheets from the closet and started changing the bed. When she glanced back at Kathleen, the young woman was pulling off her jeans, having already changed into what turned out to be a NYPD tee-shirt.

Olivia had no doubt the choice had been a deliberate one. She didn't comment on it though.

Ella walked back into the room, busy trying to put her hair into low pigtails. She then faced her mother, her arms stretched out on either side of her.

"All done!" she proudly stated.

"Good girl," Olivia answered with a smile.

She handed the girl a Winnie the Pooh bear, watching Kathleen from the corner of her eyes. Olivia picked her daughter up, balancing her on her hips. The sleep heavy little head immediately found its way against her mother's neck.

Meanwhile, Kathleen was walking through the room, taking in the pictures, the drawings, the dolls, the football, the kiddie guitar Shannon had gotten her for her latest birthday and immediately started teaching her. She smiled at the corner of the room dedicated to Barney, the toys almost as numerous for the puppy as for the little girl.

Olivia waited for Kathleen to look back at her in silence.

"I'm going to put her to bed," she informed her when she finally crossed the young woman's eyes again.

Kathleen nodded and turned back away from her.

She put Ella down on her bed and the little girl immediately curled up under the covers, her bear lovingly secured in her arms.

"Kathleen 'nice" she slurred, her eyes already half closed.

"Yes, she is. Come on now, baby. Sleep tight."

"Story, mommy."

Olivia sighed but smiled at her daughter. It was never easy saying no to Ella. And the bedtime story really was at least as much for Olivia's pleasure, as for Ella's. So she picked up a Dr Seuss' book, sat down on the bed and started reading.

"Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying.  
>You'll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing.<br>With banner flip-flapping, once more you'll ride high!  
>Ready for anything under the sky" she said softly.<p>

The little girl was fast asleep five minutes into the story, but Olivia finished the book anyway, lowering her voice to better enjoy the sound of her daughter's soft breathing. After a moment of silence, she dropped a kiss to her daughter's temple and got up, turning off the light on her way out.

When she got back to Ella's room, she found Kathleen curled up on the bed, holding onto the family picture, looking much like the little girl she had just left. She wasn't sure whether Kathleen was asleep or not. But her eyes were closed, her breathing even. Olivia turned the light off and closed the door behind her.

oooooooooo

When she woke up the next morning, it took her a moment to realize the other side of the bed shouldn't be empty. She got up and went to Ella's empty room before checking downstairs. She panicked a second before realizing that Barney was missing too and that the girls had probably taken him for his morning stroll.

She started to get breakfast ready, including the traditional Sunday morning pancakes. It was past eight when the girls came back, both wearing jeans and sweatshirts. Ella ran and jumped in her mother's arms, leaving Kathleen to rid the dog of his leash. Ella gave her a kiss on the cheek and a loud good morning before sighting the pancakes. She wriggled out of her mother's grasp to go kneel on a chair at the breakfast table.

She shared a polite smile and a good morning with Kathleen.

Ella told her about their stroll with Barney, about the dreams she had had, about the latest song she wanted to learn on the guitar. Kathleen told her about how she was more of a cat person, about how Elizabeth sleepwalks and Eli sometimes sings in his sleep.

Olivia barely said a word.

When they were done with breakfast, Olivia excused herself to go wash Ella and herself up. Kathleen offered to clean up the kitchen. When they were all cleaned and dressed, Olivia suggested Ella did a little coloring. She agreed and dragged Kathleen along to show her some of the drawings she had made.

Kathleen quickly came back in the kitchen and leaned against the counter, shielding most of the room from Ella's view. Olivia finished filling up the pitcher of orange juice in silence, deliberately taking her time.

"So. How long are we going to keep ignoring the 3ft 2 elephant in the living room?" Kathleen finally asked in a voice low enough not to carry across the next room.

Olivia closed her eyes briefly, and turned back to Kathleen.

"I mean… Ella? That's really subtle" she had added, rolling her eyes.

In silence, Olivia moved in order to be able to see her daughter. She sighed.

"She has his eyes, doesn't she?" was Olivia's acknowledgment.

"So she is my sister, my half-sister."

Kathleen turned to look at Ella too. The little girl remained oblivious of the attention she was attracting.

"How did you learn about us?"

"It's sort of a long story."

"What time is your flight home?"

Kathleen let out a short, breathy laugh and shrugged.

"I work for a magazine now, about the theatre" she started to explain. "I mostly write about off-Broadway shows, underrated artists. I met a girl there, Dylan. She works on costumes. She's really good, but it's still sort of a night job for her. During the day she works at a law firm, as something like the assistant to the assistant of one Gavin Pfeiffer. He's really nice. Hot too. About three weeks ago, I came to pick her up for lunch and she introduced us. Imagine my surprise when I saw a picture of you with a little girl on his desk. He told me about these wonderful girls he had had to leave in San Francisco. Small world, huh?"

Olivia just nodded. The thought of Gavin made her smile, albeit a little nostalgic smile. She missed him, but not in the heart wrenching way she had missed Elliot.

"How is Gavin?" she eventually asked.

"Pretty good. I didn't tell him I knew you."

Kathleen let the silence reign for a minute, before finally asking for Olivia's story.

"I mean, mom and dad weren't yet divorced three years and nine months ago."

Olivia didn't need a mirror to guess she had suddenly paled.

"What do you mean yet?"

"Oh that's right, you don't know. They got divorced about six months after dad came back from his retreat. I can't say anyone was really sad about it, as horrible as it sounds."

She felt the young woman's eyes on her, but she kept her head down.

"Would it have changed anything if you had known about the divorce?" Kathleen asked quietly.

"I don't know Kathleen. I don't know."

"You know, despite what people may think, mom never thought you and dad were sleeping together. Guess she was wrong."

"We were wrong. Me and your dad. We were the ones wrong here."

"How long had it been going on?"

"I really don't want to be talking about that with you."

"You don't want? Seriously, Olivia?"

Kathleen's voice rose up in anger. Olivia shot a concerned look at her daughter, who was busy with trying to dress up her puppy with duct tape and colored paper. The view made her smile, despite it all.

"We just… slept together. A few times. It's not like your father was leading a double life."

"He's always been leading a double life: cop and family man."

"He's always done the best he could."

"You're still defending him?"

The ghost of a smile played at her lips. It was instinctive with her. Deep inside, she was still his partner. Even after all these years, she still had his back.

"I'm sorry, Kathleen. Me and your father did something terribly stupid and wrong. And I apologize for that. But that's not going to change what happened. And honestly, how can I really regret something that gave me a miracle."

"How about keeping dad from his daughter, keeping us from our sister? Aren't you going to apologize for that? Or do you have no regrets at all?"

"I was trying to protect her, and your family."

"That's bullshit."

"Don't you dare Kathleen. I may not have always made right choices, but my intentions here were good. I was trying to protect my daughter. And don't think I'm going to stop now."

"You had no right to run away with her like you did."

"Well it's not like your dad was around to talk about it. For over two months I tried. And then, yeah, I left. I left him to deal with himself and his family, while I dealt with mine."

"She's his family too... She's _my_ family too, Olivia."

They both stopped to look at the little girl, happy and innocent. Ella finally saw them staring, smiled and got up.

"I know," Olivia whispered before Ella ran to them. "I know."

oooooooooo

Olivia and Ella took Kathleen along on their Sunday outing: a nice lunch at a small restaurant and a long walk on the beach. The little girl seemed to have picked up on the tense atmosphere between the two women. She was quieter than usual and mostly played with Barney.

"What are you going to do?" Kathleen asked her once Ella was playing far enough from them.

"Reunite Ella with her family" she answered after a while.

"I won't say anything to anyone in the meantime. But don't wait too long. That's not the kind of secret I enjoy carrying."

"I'll see when I can take some time off."

Kathleen stepped ahead of her and stopped right in front of her. Olivia kept her eyes behind her, on her daughter.

"You're afraid things are going to change for the worse. But I don't think they are. It will take everyone time to adjust, but better now than in ten years. Because you know this day would have come at some point anyway. If not from me, then from her."

"It's easier to protect her away from them. They'll hate me and I don't want Ella to suffer from that."

"We'll make sure she won't."

She stepped back at Olivia's side and started walking again. Olivia startled when Kathleen took her hand in hers. She didn't pull back though. She felt like she had an ally within. It was a nice thought.

"How is your dad doing?" she asked softly.

"Okay I guess. He went back to work about four, five months after he left. He spent all this time at Grandma B's beach house, getting his head together or something. He didn't go back to sex crimes though. He transferred to homicide."

"He stayed with your grandma?"

"Well, she died 'bout five years ago. He hadn't told you?"

"No. But I'm not sure he even ever found out I had gone to see her at one time."

"He's always been a little bit oblivious when it comes to you. Rumor has it he went ballistics on Detective Tutuola's ass when he finally heard you had left. That year, on Eli's birthday, Mom told the story of how Eli was born, again. Dick asked about you and Dad about punched a hole through the wall. We kind of stopped saying your name in front of him after that."

"Did he… did he ever try…"

"To find you? I'm not really sure… I don't think so. If he had known about Ella, you can be sure he would have found you anywhere you were hiding though."

"That's one of the reason I left. I didn't want him to come back just because of her."

"You think he loved Mom any less because of Maureen?"

"You're annoying you know that?" Olivia said with a smile.

"You're just not used to us Stablers anymore," was Kathleen's laughing answer.

They spotted Ella starting a sandcastle and walked over to her in silence. Before they got to her, Kathleen once again stopped her and looked at her dead in the eyes.

"I'm still mad, and hurt, that you and dad went behind Mom's back like that. And I still say you should have given us the chance to know Ella. But I guess I sort of get why you did what you did. And if anything could make me willing to forgive you and dad, it's that kid over there."

Kathleen went to help Ella with her construction. Olivia kept quiet. A part of it was how surprised and overwhelmed she was at Kathleen's acceptance of Ella. But there was also still a little bit of guilty annoyance gnawing at her, at the fact that she had to be forgiven. But that was okay. As long as Ella was okay, she could deal with anything.

oooooooooo


	3. Chapter 3

_Here comes the next chapter._

_Obviously, and quite sadly, the detectives aren't mine...  
><em>

_I really appreciate the favorites and alerts, but reviews are like my paychecks... vital! I would really like to hear what you think of the story so far. Thanks a lot! :)_

_Mariah, thanks for the beta work!  
><em>

* * *

><p>She was sitting in the cab, looking out the window at the familiar streets of New York City. Ella was curled up against her mother, almost on her lap. Her head was resting on Olivia's shoulder but her eyes were wide open, taking in her new surroundings. She pointed out a lot and asked questions about everything they saw on their way to the hotel. Olivia answered each time while playing distractedly with her daughter's hair.<p>

Ella had grown increasingly quiet since they had stepped off the plane but she remained the curious little girl she had always been. Olivia was just enjoying listening to her daughter's voice. The recent clinginess was a bit more worrying though. She had always been an affectionate child, especially with her mother. But she was also usually stubbornly independent.

Olivia had practically had to carry her ever since the San Francisco airport.

It hadn't had anything to do with flying. Ella had been excited about going on a plane for the first time. She had asked for the window seat and at takeoff she had yelped, in surprise more than in fear. She had spent the first and the last half hours of the flight staring down at the view. The rest of the time, she had been glued to her mother's side.

She had spent the last week not wanting to leave her mother's side.

* * *

><p>After her weekend in San Francisco, Kathleen had driven back to the airport on Monday morning to catch a flight back to New York. She had promised to see them soon, to call in the meantime. She hadn't given Olivia any kind of deadline though.<p>

Olivia had guessed that the bond between the two girls would only become stronger. She was happy about that.

The next day, she had taken a long lunch break, had picked Ella up from daycare and had taken her for a small outdoor picnic. The days were still cool, but the early spring summer had warmed mother and daughter. Ella had sat cross-legged on the blanket and had been as lively as usual. Her morning at daycare had seemed as adventurous as a trip around the world.

Olivia had smiled and laughed with her daughter. But her eyes had stayed guarded.

She had an ulterior motive with this impromptu picnic. She had planned to have the conversation with Ella, to tell her about Elliot, about New York, about her family. She had wanted to explain, prepare her to what she was going to find on the east coast.

She had waited for Ella to finish her banana and had handed her a square of dark chocolate with a smile. She had watched her daughter scrape her teeth against the hard sweet. Then she had reached into her purse for the framed picture.

Kathleen had left it in Ella's room. Purposefully, Olivia was sure.

She had tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and had softly spoken her daughter's name. She had handed her the picture, telling her Kathleen had forgotten it. Ella had looked at it with a smile and had commented on the family's large size, as well as on the lack of a pet.

"There's something I want to tell you, Ella," she had said softly.

Jumping off the cliff. That what it had felt like.

She had pointed at Elliot in the picture.

"Elliot… well, he's your dad, baby," she had explained, running a hand through Ella's hair.

The little girl had frowned and had kept silent for a while, the forgotten chocolate melting on the blanket.

"Elliot is Kathleen's dad," Ella had finally said.

That had been more a question than a statement. The little girl had looked like she had been trying to solve a particularly tough puzzle. Olivia had given her a moment to process the information, to work through things in her head.

"But you're not Kathleen's mom?" She had looked at her mother for confirmation.

"No, I'm not. But it still means Kathleen is your sister."

"So… Kathleen's brothers and sisters…"

"They're your siblings too. Big family, huh?" Olivia had added, her voice almost a whisper.

She had watched her little girl and she had felt the sting of tears clouding her eyes. Ella had looked confused, her brows furrowed, her eyes staring at the picture, her closed fists hidden in her sleeves.

She had waited for the questions. She had wanted the questions. The silence had been too loud. She had leaned into her daughter and had gone to brush the hair above Ella's temple. But her daughter had suddenly gotten up, the picture falling from her lap.

"I wanna go back now," the girl had declared.

"How about you come and play in my office? You can draw some pictures. I still have a puzzle you haven't done."

Ella had nodded and had waited for her mother to clean things up, all the while picking on a blade of grass. Olivia had left her to her brooding.

They had gone back to Olivia's office. She had tried to work, but her attention had kept going back to her daughter. She had been sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table. Her left arm had been resting on the table, her hand holding the pencil she had been chewing. Her other hand had been curled around her ankle. She had been stilled for a few minutes. Then she had dropped her pencil and wrapped her other hand on an ankle with a sigh.

Olivia couldn't see her face but she had had no trouble imagining her daughter worrying her lip with her teeth, just like she herself had a tendency to do. She had called her daughter and reached a hand out to her.

"Come here, baby," she had said softly.

Ella had gone to her and had promptly curled up in her mother's lap.

"Why don't we live with them?"

"Well… I couldn't stay in New York. I had to leave, baby. That's why your daddy's not here."

"Okay…" Ella had agreed.

She had gone to burrow her face in the crook of her mother's neck, but Olivia had lightly grabbed her chin, running her thumb on her daughter's cheek.

"Would you be okay with meeting your dad, and his other children?"

"He will love me you think?" she had asked after a moment of silence.

"I'm certain that he is going to love you. He's going to adore you, baby."

Ella had raised her eyebrows and held out her pinky finger. Olivia laughed softly and gave the girl a watery smile before linking her finger with hers.

* * *

><p>Shannon had given her the next week off without a second thought, and had even offered to come along, as moral support. Instead she had been stuck with taking care of Barney. Olivia had thanked her and had promised to call.<p>

The week had gone by surprisingly fast. And that Monday, as she had been driving to the airport, she had wished their trip to New York hadn't come quite so quickly. Another part of her had wanted to just get it over with already.

So now she was checking into their hotel in Manhattan, her daughter's arms wrapped around her thigh. They went up to their rooms, accompanied by the bellboy carrying their luggage. They had two communicating bedrooms, one with a queen sized bed and the other with two single beds separated by the night stand.

Ella ran to her bedroom and jumped on the bed of her choice, the one closer to the adjoining door. Olivia made sure that the girl couldn't open the door between her bedroom and the hallway. Satisfied, she went to freshen up in the bathroom.

Afterwards, she decided to take her daughter out for dinner. The day was already getting darker and Olivia found herself enjoying the city more than she had in years. She held tight onto her daughter's hand as they walked to the nearest Italian restaurant.

Ella was back to being quiet, and Olivia wasn't quite sure what to talk about without bringing up Elliot, her alcoholic mother, or the horrors of her former job. She settled for telling Ella some trivia, some history about the city. The little girl had seemed genuinely interested for the most part.

She wasn't deliberately keeping Ella in the dark about anything relating to Elliot. She just wanted the girl to form her own opinion of the man, without her mother's tainted view of things.

Back in their rooms, they both got ready for bed. They watched a movie in Olivia's bed. At the end credits, she carried the sleeping little girl to her own bed. It was only about 7pm on San Francisco time, but they had gotten up quite early and she wasn't surprised Ella was already sleeping. She tucked her in and kissed her goodnight. She left the door between the rooms wide open, and slid under the covers.

oooooooooo

She woke up to the soft whispers calling "Mommy". She slipped an arm from under her pillow to support her and squinted at her daughter.

"Everything okay, Ella?"

"Yeah. I'm just awaked."

Olivia reached for her watch on the nightstand.

"Baby, it's not even 6 am, you should still be fast asleep," she informed the girl still clutching her bear.

"But you said we go to the police."

"And what time did I say we'd go?"

"Hum… Round 10?"

"That's right, baby. So you still have a good couple of hours of sleep ahead of you."

"Can I sleep with you?" she asked her mother with wide, hopeful puppy eyes.

Olivia chuckled and opened the covers behind her. She jerked her chin towards the other side of bed with a smile. Ella climbed over her and slid in bed. Mimicking her mother's position, she laid on her belly, one arm on the pillow, the other around her bear.

Silence filled the room for a short moment, before Ella started rhythmically tapping her fingers on the pillow. Olivia ignored it for a while before reaching out to cover her daughter's hand.

"You're not going back to sleep, are you?" she whispered, half amused. "Is this about you dad, baby? Are you excited to meet him?"

"Kinda," Ella whispered back. "Can't we just get up now?"

"We can, but then I would have to make you take a nap in the afternoon," Olivia told the girl, hiding her smile in the darkness of the room.

"Naps are for babies," Ella declared.

"Babies, and little girls who don't sleep enough in the night."

Ella shut her eyes tight and five minutes later her face had relaxed and her breathing had evened, soothing her mother back to sleep too.

oooooooooo

When Olivia woke up again, it was almost nine. She got up without waking up her daughter. She ordered up some breakfast and went in the bathroom to take her shower. She was still in her robe, drying her hair with a towel when room service knocked on the door. She went to open and tipped the young man just as Ella started to stir awake.

She went to her daughter and sat on the side of the bed. She brushed her fingers through the girl's hair and leaned to kiss her temple, holding her own wet hair away. She whispered Ella's name in her ear.

"Come on, baby. Time to wake up."

Ella turned on her back and stretched her arms high above her head. She blinked several times before locking her eyes on her mother.

"Hi, mommy."

"Hey there, sleepy head. Breakfast's already here. You hungry?"

The little girl nodded, got up and ran to the room service cart, looking over at the breakfast dishes. Olivia told her to go sit down and brought the cart closer to the small table.

They chatted while eating. Ella wanted to call Barney but Olivia reminded her that it was only about 6:30 in San Francisco, and too early to call. The girl asked about time zones, wanting to understand how it could be two different hours at the same time. Olivia tried her best to explain it and seemed to have satisfied her daughter's curiosity.

Olivia led the breakfast cart into the hallway and ran a bath for her daughter while the girl was picking out what to wear. Ella went to take a bath by herself and Olivia went through her morning routine. She blew dry her hair, brushed her teeth, her hair and put on her make-up, all the while keeping an eye on her daughter in the mirror.

While the girl was drying herself, Olivia checked over the picked outfit. She changed the rainbow striped leggings with beige ones that would go better with the denim skirt and red sweater. She took the clothes to her daughter in the bathroom and got dressed in the bedroom. She looked at her reflection in the mirror: dark jeans and silk purple shirt. Her black jacket rested on the bed, black stilettos on the foot of it. She put on her earrings and adjusted her shoulder-length hair. She hated herself for being suddenly so self-conscious, but she had to admit she looked good. Motherhood and eight hour nights will do that do someone, she supposed.

She went back to the bathroom to find her daughter all dressed up. The girl was standing on a stool in front of the mirror, head down, digging in Olivia's vanity case. When she heard her mother call her name, she looked up, a deer in the headlight look on her face. The little girl's face was covered with make-up: blue around her eyes, her cheeks bright pink and red lipstick all over her mouth.

"Ella! What in the world are you doing?"

"I make up my face. Like you."

Ella was worrying her lip, looking down. Olivia picked her up and sat her on the counter, next to the sink. She used her foot to push the stool away and stood before her daughter. She grabbed a wipe to clean up her face.

"That's grown-up make up, Ella. You know you're not supposed to use that."

"I want to look pretty."

"Ella, you don't need make-up for that. You're beautiful, inside and out," Olivia told the girl, holding her chin to look at her in the eyes.

"You're beautiful. You use make-up."

"Well, when you're my age, you'll understand," she answered with a breathy laugh.

She finished cleaning up the girl and threw the wipe in the trashcan.

"There. All done, and still beautiful," Olivia said, tucking a strand of hair behind her daughter's ear.

Ella lowered her head and kept quiet.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to look pretty."

Olivia heard her daughter's voice break. She put her hands on each side of the girl's head to keep her from hiding behind the curtain of her hair. Her blue eyes were shining with tears. She tried to keep her own tears at bay.

"Ella, if it's about your father again, you don't have to worry. He'll see how beautiful you are, without make-up. He'll love you."

Ella slipped her arms around her mother's neck and hugged her. They both didn't move for a while. Then the girl detached herself from her, and asked if they could go. Before they left, Olivia put the slightest bit of lip gloss on her daughter.

"There. Because it's a special occasion" she specified with a soft smile.

It was past ten by the time they left for the station.

oooooooooo

She walked carefully into the 1-6, cradling her daughter's head in the crook of her neck. She didn't want to risk the little girl seeing anything she shouldn't. She stopped when she got to the squad room, a soft smile playing on her lips. She looked at what used to be her and Elliot's desk. A man with dark hair was sitting back in his chair, his attention on the young female detective sitting on the edge of his desk.

The blond woman got up when she saw Olivia and Ella and walked up to them, followed by her partner.

"Can I help you ma'am?" the woman asked her.

"Don't I know you?" the other detective interrupted.

"I don't think so…" Olivia hesitated.

The man frowned and raised his pointer finger at her.

"Yes. Yes. You're Olivia Benson, aren't you?" he finally said.

"Yes, that's me. And that's my daughter, Ella," she answered.

Ella turned her head and said hi to the smiling detectives who introduced themselves as Amanda Rollins and Nick Amaro.

"There's a picture of you in the Captain's office. You use to work here didn't you?" Amaro asked her.

"I did. I sat at your partner's desk for over twelve years actually," Olivia said, jerking her chin towards the desk.

"Twelve years? You must have some thick skin," Rollins answered.

Olivia didn't answer but asked if Captain Cragen was in his office.

"Captain Cragen? Don't you mean Captain Munch?" Rollins asked.

"Captain Munch?" Olivia laughed.

"Yeah, Cragen retired over two years ago," Amaro informed her.

"How about Detective Tutuola?" she asked.

"He's still here. Out in the field with his partner right now. The Captain should be back from wherever soon," Lopez told her.

Olivia readjusted the little girl on her hip. Ella was getting restless and Olivia excused herself to Munch's office. She took a pair of scissors and some papers from his desk. She spent the next fifteen minutes with Ella in her lap, cutting out paper silhouettes with the girl.

When she heard the door open, her heart skipped a bit.

"Olivia!"

She set Ella on the floor and stood up, turning to Munch with a smile.

"Hey John."

He walked to her and hugged her.

"Long time no see, Liv."

"I know. Did you get my postcards?"

"Yup. And where did you pick up that souvenir?" he asked looking down at Ella.

She threw a glance at Munch before picking up her daughter.

"John, meet Ella. Ella, this is John Munch, an old friend of mine."

"Of my dad too?"

Olivia looked at John's blank expression. He was often a hard man to read. She swallowed the lump in her throat and looked back at her daughter.

"Yes, baby. He's a friend of your father too."

Munch glanced at Olivia before smiling at Ella.

"It's very nice to meet you young lady. You can call me Uncle Munch if you want."

"Uncle Munch?" she looked up at her mother who nodded with a smile. "Okay."

Munch saw something in the squad room and walked out, holding up his hand to make her wait.

"Hey Fin! Come take a look at what I found in my office," she heard Munch call out.

"Hey Liv! It's nice to see you again, girl!" Fin exclaimed with a smile and gave her quick hug.

She returned the niceties and introduced him to Ella.

"I call you Uncle Fin too?" Ella asked him with a small smile.

"You can if you want, honey," Fin answered.

He then excused himself and walked a few steps away to discuss something with Munch. Olivia turned her head to her daughter to check if the girl was okay. She had just gained two uncles in the last five minutes and had yet to meet her father. But Ella looked at her, smiling.

"Your friends are nice," she declared. "I think my dad will be nice too."

"He is, baby."

"Can I meet him now?"

"In just a little bit, Ella."

Olivia glanced back at the two men looking at them. Munch stuck his head out of the door and called out for Detective Rollins. When she got there, he pointed at Ella.

"Why don't you take young Ella here to the break room, get some juice, maybe a snack," Munch instructed.

Olivia shot him a dark look before looking back at Ella.

"Are you okay with going with Detective Rollins?"

She nodded, gave her mother a kiss and went to take the woman's hand in hers before the two of them left. Olivia leaned back and put her hands on the edge of the desk, on each side of her. Fin's partner came to get him and they both left, Fin giving her one last smile. Munch turned to her, arms crossed on his chest.

"I'm guessing you're going to want to see Elliot?" he asked her.

She was both glad and surprised at not hearing any accusation in his voice.

"You'd guess right. Look Munch..."

"You don't owe me any explanation Olivia. Ella seems like a great kid."

"She is. Thanks John."

He gave her a nod of the head, his lips curling up in a small side. She ran a finger on his name plate.

"So Captain Munch, huh?" she said with an amused smile.

"Don't laugh," he shot back, pointing at her.

"I'm not! You deserve this John."

"Thanks, Liv. He's in homicide now, you know," Munch added after a second.

"Yeah, I heard."

"We're sharing a suspect."

"What do you mean?"

She could just feel the old detective reflexes kicking in.

"Perp killed two of his girlfriend's ex-boyfriends. We think she called him on it and he raped her. She won't point finger."

"But she still reported the rape?"

"Her sister found her hysterical, got her to report."

"You got evidence?"

"Nothing the defense won't call consensual rough sex. And none to tie him to the murders."

They both got lost in their thoughts for a moment.

"You ever miss it?" Munch finally asked her.

"Sometimes. When I read about something like that in the papers I just want to go see the cops and tell them to let me help. Then I see my daughter and I think I really don't want anything to do with this shit anymore."

"Motherhood looks good on you, Liv."

"Thanks," she smiled.

"Look, I just told you about the case because Elliot might come by the 1-6 at one point or another."

"Okay. Thanks for the heads up," she said softly, her smile falling.

"You know what you're doing, Olivia?" he asked, concerned.

She didn't answer. She smiled at him and walked out of his office and to the break room. When she got there, Ella was standing on a chair playing the latest tune Shannon had taught her on an imaginary guitar.

"Ella," Olivia groaned, putting her hands on her hips.

"Hey mom. Guess what? Amanda has a dog like Barney! His name is Cooper!"

"So I have a crush on Bradley Cooper. Sue me," the female detective joked.

Olivia smiled at her and mouthed a thank you. She turned to her daughter.

"Ella, didn't I tell you not to dance on a chair? You're going to break an arm someday."

Ella rolled her eyes, smiled at Rollins and stretched her arms out to Olivia, linking them around her neck when her mother picked her up.

"Hey Rollins, have you seen Fin?"

She froze at the voice coming from the door behind her. Ella, who could see right at the door, whispered a "mommy" in her ear. Olivia put the girl on her hip, swallowed hard and turned. She locked eyes with him.

"Hi Elliot," Olivia whispered.

He gave her one hard, cold look before turning and walking away.

* * *

><p><em>Please review! :) And I'll try to post the next chapter before Christmas!<em>

_Adèle  
><em>


	4. Chapter 4

_Thank you guys so much for the reviews! Just so you know, I'm not above begging for more. _

_My beta foresees that you'll love this chapter... Let me know if she's right or just boosting my ego! ;)_

* * *

><p>After Elliot turned away, Olivia put Ella down on the floor and squatted down at her level.<p>

"I'll be right back, baby," she promised her daughter.

"That was Elliot," the girl said with wide eyes and a soft smile.

"Yes it was. He was looking for Uncle Fin, maybe he didn't see you. I'm gonna go get him, okay?"

The little girl nodded. Olivia stood up and looked at Detective Rollins.

"I'll stay with her," the young woman told her.

Olivia thanked her and ran after Elliot. She caught up to him right out of the 1-6. She called to him a couple of times. He waved his hand at her over his shoulder and kept walking down the street.

"Elliot, you son of bitch! Elliot!"

He finally stopped, turned and walked right at her.

"What the hell are you doing here, Olivia? After all this time, what, you decided to come and show off your kid? So what happened? I wasn't there to scratch your itch anymore so you got some other bastard to get you your dream child?"

She slapped him.

Hard enough that her own hand stung and shook. Her brown eyes were shining with unshed tears but she didn't look away; neither did he.

"You bastard," she whispered.

He shot her an angry look and walked past her. She ran after him again and stopped right in front of him. She pushed her hands against his shoulder and shoved him hard.

"The fuck? Don't fucking touch me again Olivia," he spat at her.

"Her name is Ella. And she's _your_ dream child, you jarhead," she hissed angrily.

He stared at her for a long moment, eyes narrowed with disbelief and confusion. She could see the wheels turning. After a while he just shook his head and walked away again.

"Stop walking away from me!" she yelled at him.

He stopped and slowly turned to her. His face bore a hard and cold expression, and his eyes were shooting daggers at her. He didn't move but waited for her to catch up. She knew he was silently and slowly processing the news. This time she lowered her voice.

"Hate me all you want, Elliot. I don't give a fuck and right now, I'm not so crazy about you either. But don't take it out on her."

He stared at her angrily before lowering his eyes. He slipped his hands in his pockets and slammed a foot against the pavement. Olivia felt herself breaking and willed her voice to keep strong, for the tears to stay at bay.

"She put on my make-up this morning, because she wanted to look pretty for her daddy. I promised her you would love her. And I know you will. Just give her a chance."

He looked in the direction of the precinct and rubbed a hand on his forehead. He nodded and walked back to the station with Olivia at his side, though further than she would have stood four years ago.

When they got back to the 1-6, they stopped just outside of the break room. They each leaned their back against opposite walls of the hallway, facing each other. He was staring blankly at the floor and she took the opportunity to really look at him.

It didn't matter that she was mad at him right now. It didn't matter that he probably hated her. It was Elliot and suddenly he was here, just a couple of feet away from her. For the last four years, she had done her best not to miss him. She had buried those feelings. But now he was right here and the full force of his absence hit her.

Her heart was in her throat and she wanted to reach out to him. She wanted to trace the side of his face with a finger. She wanted to brush her thumb across his lips. She wanted to slide her arms around his waist and simply disappear in him.

He shouldn't feel so familiar… as if she were coming home. She had a few more lines on her face and his hairline had receded, but they were still Benson and Stabler. So much had changed; _they_ had changed. But when it came to them, it really didn't matter. Their connection, their bond, was intrinsic. It was in them. It moved; it stretched; it didn't break.

She startled when he spoke up.

"So, Ella?" he asked without looking at her.

"Yeah," she answered softly.

"She's what 3 years and…"

"'Bout two months. Her birthday's February 7th."

"Where do you live?"

"San Francisco."

"Does she… have another dad?" he asked after a second of hesitation.

He finally looked up and she narrowed her eyes at him.

"No," she answered honestly, slightly annoyed.

He nodded and turned towards the break room. She stood up away from the wall.

"Wait, Elliot. Before you go in, there's just something you should know."

"What, she has a twin brother or something?" he asked, voice full of hateful sarcasm.

"No. I was going to say, Ella knows Kathleen," she answered with a scowl.

"What? How?"

"She's the one who found us," she explained.

He turned straight at her.

"So that's why you're here. And if she hadn't, how long would I have had to wait to meet my kid?"

She just stared at him in silence. He shook his hand at her, like he was dismissing her. He expelled a long breath and ran his hand over his face.

He stepped into the room.

She took a step after him and leaned against the doorframe. She crossed an arm across her chest, rested her other arm on it and tucked her fist under her chin. Rollins saw Elliot first and put a hand on Ella's. She pointed at the door and the little girl looked up from her coloring. She saw Elliot and stood up quickly. Her fingers started playing with the end of her sleeves. She looked up at him, worrying her lip between her teeth. The gesture looked so familiar that Elliot smiled softly.

"Hi," he told her.

"Hi," the girl whispered back.

Rollins brushed against Olivia as she left without a word. Ella looked at her mother and gave her a smile. She sat back down when Elliot did too.

"Olivia told me you met Kathleen," Elliot said, trying to start on familiar grounds.

"Yeah, she's nice."

"You know who she is?"

"Yes. She's your daughter. Like me. She showed me a picture of your family."

"You mean your family," he added softly. "We'll have to take a new family picture someday."

"With me and mommy?" she asked, glancing at Olivia.

Elliot's eyes met hers briefly, before he looked back at Ella.

"Yeah, sure."

"Guess what? I meeted your friends! Uncle Munch and Uncle Fin," she explained, getting livelier by the minute.

"You did? Did you like them?" he smiled at her, quickly becoming enthralled by the little girl.

"Yes, they're nice too."

"You wanna know a secret? You ever want a snack, you go snoop through Uncle Munch's desk. I think it's the drawer on the right. It's like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in there."

"Really?" she laughed.

From the door, Olivia's heart broke a little as she thought about moments like that that they all had missed over the years. She wiped her damp cheeks and breathed out shakily. She jumped slightly when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Fin standing behind her. He jerked his chin towards Ella and Elliot.

"How's it going?" he asked in a whisper.

"Pretty good, I think."

"You okay?"

"I don't know, Fin," she admitted.

"Well, you need anything, you ask, okay?" he said, looking her in the eyes.

"Even if I need a babysitter?" she joked.

"I said you could ask, didn't say I'd say yes."

She smiled slightly at him. He squeezed her shoulder and left. A sudden thought crossed her mind and she walked out of the room, calling for Fin.

"Already need a babysitter?"

"No," she said in a short breathy laugh. "I was just wondering what your ADA situation was?"

"Don't tell me you became a lawyer while you were away," he joked.

"I became a mother, isn't that enough?" she answered with a smile. "No I was just wondering if Casey was still around."

"Yeah she is. With all the crap she pulled, I think she's stuck with us for a while longer."

She thanked him and went back to the break room.

"That Billie? She's your friend?" Elliot was asking Ella.

"Billy's a boy, silly. He's my best friend," she answered giggling.

"Billy's a boy? How old is he?"

"Four."

"He doesn't bother you, does he?"

"Elliot! You don't have to go all cop on her, okay?" Olivia interjected.

He glared at her, but kept his mouth shut.

"You think Uncle Munch would give me a snack? I'm kinda hungry," Ella said.

"It's already noon. How about I take you out for lunch?"

"Okay!"

"Ella, baby, we're having lunch with Kathleen, remember?" Olivia told her softly.

"Can't Elliot come?"

Olivia looked at Elliot, hoping for him to back off. He stayed silent and glared at her.

"Elliot has to go back to work, baby. But maybe tomorrow we can have lunch together."

She walked up to the girl and picked her up.

"Would that be okay, baby?"

"Yeah, okay, mommy."

She shifted her daughter on her hip and turned to Elliot.

"Is that okay with you?"

He nodded sharply but softened when he put a hand on Ella's head.

"See you later, Ella."

"Bye Elliot," the little girl said with a smile.

She walked out of the room with her daughter and stopped by to see Munch.

"Hey, drinks at Meloni's tonight. 8 o'clock?" she offered, slipping back in old habits.

"Sure. I'll tell Fin," he nodded with a smile.

"Cragen's still around? Or did he flee the city on the first occasion?"

"I think you caught him between fishing trips. I'll give him a call," he answered.

oooooooooo

She was sitting in the booth, her daughter next to her, with Kathleen on the opposite side.

"So… how was your morning?" Kathleen carefully asked.

"I meeted Elliot!" Ella exclaimed.

"You did? And how did it go?"

"He's really nice. He said we'll take a new family picture with me and mommy."

"We should do that, yeah."

Kathleen looked up at Olivia, narrowing her eyes.

"So it went okay?" she asked again.

Olivia shrugged lightly. She stared blankly down at her plate and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Kathleen focused back on Ella.

oooooooooo

Before Kathleen went back to work, she agreed to babysit Ella that evening. Olivia then took her daughter to Central Park. On their way back to the hotel, they stopped to buy some fruits, snacks, drinks and a couple of books for the both of them.

Back at the hotel, Olivia freshened up and got changed for the evening. Ella watched her while playing with her jewelry.

"Why I can't go with you?" the girl asked.

"Because you're not allowed in a bar until you're 21, baby. You'll be good for Kathleen tonight, promise?"

"Yes. But I will see Elliot tomorrow?"

"Yes, you will, baby. I promise."

Olivia picked up her daughter and sat her down on the bed next to her. She ran a hand in the girl's hair.

"So you really like Elliot, huh?" she asked Ella.

"Yes! I'm glad we came here," she answered with a wide smile.

Ella rose on her knees and hugged her mother. Olivia smiled and dropped a kiss on the girl's temple.

Kathleen arrived ten minutes later and complimented Olivia on her outfit: dark blue shirt with see-through sleeves and cleavage, flowing black skirt and the same jacket and shoes she had been wearing earlier. She smiled at the young woman and turned to her daughter. She gave her a hug and a kiss and reminded her to behave.

"Thank you again for babysitting, Kathleen," she told her before leaving.

"No problem. I'm getting paid for that though, right?" Kathleen asked with a half-smile.

"Hey, I paid for lunch. Isn't that enough?"

Olivia laughed and left.

oooooooooo

When she got to the bar, it was a good few minutes past eight and only Cragen and Fin were already there. She walked up to them with a smile.

"Hey Captain!" she exclaimed to get their attention.

They both got up and hugged her.

"It's not Captain anymore, Olivia. Just Don. And it's very nice to see you again. I'm just disappointed I missed the little surprise you brought to the office."

"Don't worry Don, you'll get to meet her," she gladly assured him.

"Hey, you look damn good, Liv," Fin told her, eyeing her with an amused smirk.

"Well, it's just nice not to have to worry about wearing heels at a crime scene, know what I mean?"

"Sure I do, baby."

She smiled back and slid into the booth next to Fin. She was talking with Don about his retirement when Munch showed up, but not alone. She should have expected that he would have invited Elliot along. She still froze for a second before getting up and hugging Munch. She and Elliot just shared a nod.

"An ex-wife kept you busy?" she quipped at Munch.

"More like a future wife," Fin answered.

"Dating again, huh?" she teased the new captain.

"Maybe I should be dating you. Are you what they call a milf? That's…" Munch started to explain.

"I know what that means Munch, thank you very much," she said rolling her eyes.

Aside from saying hi, Elliot kept pretty quiet. She tried not to look at him too much but she couldn't help but notice how good he looked in his jeans and black shirt. They all sat down: Elliot next to Cragen, Olivia next to Fin, Munch on a chair at the end of the table. But Elliot immediately got up again.

"I'm going to go get drinks," he explained.

"Well, I think Olivia should buy tonight," Munch stopped him.

She rolled her eyes at him again, smiled and got up. She glanced briefly at Elliot before leaving. When she returned carrying a tray with glasses, a pitcher of beer and one of water, they were all talking about their common case. She tried not to pay too much attention. They stopped talking when she sat back and watched her.

She finished pouring the drinks and looked up at them. She gave them a nervous, tight smile.

"Okay… well this is awkward," she tried to joke.

Elliot scoffed. She glared.

"So how's life in…wherever?" Don asked her.

"San Francisco. And it's pretty good. Got a nice house, a good job, some friends."

"A great kid," Elliot mumbled.

"What're you doing now that you're a civilian? I mean, besides being a mom," Fin enquired.

"I work for a big new technology firm. I'm in charge of checking out prospective employees. It's not SVU but you know, I work half as hard, get paid twice as much. It's pretty good."

"I did say you were buying tonight, right hotshot?" Munch said.

"So tell me 'bout your new girl, Captain," she teased back.

"She's not a conspiracy nut, can you believe it? It's a world gone mad," Fin answered instead.

"Haha, funny. She's a shrink. I think she just gets a kick out of analyzing me all day long. Either that or she's writing a book behind my back."

They drank in silence for a while. Olivia felt surprisingly comfortable. She was relieved and incredibly happy that her friends were welcoming her back like that. No question, no resentment. Just "welcome back Liv". She looked up when Don spoke.

"So what did you do with that little girl of yours tonight?" he asked her.

"She's at the hotel. Kathleen's babysitting."

"Afternoon went okay?" Elliot asked, his eyes down in his beer.

"Great. We went to Central Park. She still wants to go to the zoo, to the statue of liberty, go to the beach…"

"Well she'll keep you busy. How long are you back in the City for?" Don asked.

"She's back," Elliot declared matter-of-factly.

"I took the week off," she answered her former superior, ignoring Elliot.

"You're back, Olivia," he repeated.

"Not now, Elliot. Please, not now."

He finished his drink and set the glass back on the table loudly. He rubbed his forehead before refilling his glass.

"So how long had you two been together, anyway? Or do you just knock up every girl you bang on your first strike? " Fin asked, attempting at a joke.

She froze. She barely had time to feel shocked at Fin's uncharacteristic prying before Elliot chose to answer for her again, glaring at Fin in the process.

"Three years."

She looked at him, her eyes wide open, her mouth hanging in disbelief. She spared a glance at her former commanding officer who was frowning and looking back between the two of them. She turned back to Elliot.

"You can't be serious?" she all but spat at him.

When he did nothing but glare at her some more, she got up, grabbing her jacket and her purse.

"It was really nice to see you guys again."

She excused herself and left quickly. When she got out of the bar, she heard Elliot call her name. She turned and walked right back at him.

"What the fuck was that Elliot?" she yelled, pointing at the inside of the bar.

She was pretty sure they could still be seen from inside, but she didn't care.

"What was what?"

"Don't give me your shit, Stabler. Three years? We'd been together three years?"

"We had."

"We have never been fucking together Elliot! We were partners who had a few adulterous fucks. I don't know if it's your fucking catholic guilt again, if it's make you feel better to think we were in a relationship. But we weren't. We fucked. That's all there is Elliot."

"I hope you wash that mouth before you kiss Ella goodnight."

"Fuck you."

She shot him a dark look, her eyes shining with hurt and anger, before turning away from him and hailing a cab. It was still pretty early in the evening and she had no problem finding one. She got in and gave the address of the hotel to the driver. The car door opened again and Elliot slid in beside her.

"What the fuck are you doing now, Elliot?"

"I'm going to go kiss my daughters goodnight."

It annoyed her to no end that he suddenly seemed so calm, unlike her, and she slumped back in the seat with a groan. She crossed her legs and caught Elliot staring at them from the corner of her eye. She felt a tingle in her belly and groaned again.

"We had some pretty good fucks though, didn't we?" he said softly.

She sighed and closed her eyes.

"Don't go there, Elliot."

"Ella is a great kid. She's beautiful too."

"I hope you told her that."

"I did. Told her she looked just like her mother."

"God, why are you doing this Elliot?"

"Doing what?"

She sat up straight and looked at him.

"One minute you're jumping at my throat, being a prick as usual. And the next minute you're… What? Flirting? And honestly, I'm not sure which one bothers me the most."

He didn't answer. She leaned back against the door and closed her eyes. They both kept silent until the driver informed them they were at the hotel.

She paid the driver while Elliot got out of the cab. He held the door for her and closed it once she was out. They walked into the hotel and rode the elevator in silence, each one at a respectable distance from the other.

When they stepped into Olivia's room, they immediately heard the giggling and talking of the two girls. Olivia smiled and opened her mouth to call for them. Elliot laid a hand on her forearm and she almost recoiled at the contact. He placed his finger on his lips and she nodded at him. She took off her shoes and her jacket while Elliot walked to the adjoining room. He leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms on his chest. She went to stand behind him.

She looked into Ella's room. A sheet had been placed on the beds, a suitcase on each side to keep it in place. From under the improvised hut created between the two beds, a light was shining. She could hear Kathleen reading Ella a story, making the little girl giggle at each new voice she created.

After a while, Elliot turned his head to her and flashed a quick smile. She returned it and finally walked into the room. She got on her knees and looked under the sheet.

"Hey girls. How's it going under there?" she asked them.

"Mommy!" Ella yelled out.

She crawled from under the sheet and slung her arms around her mother's neck. Olivia stoop up, her daughter in her arms. The little girl gave her a big slobbery kiss on the cheek before sighting her father. She smiled at him and waved.

"Hi Elliot!"

"Hey kiddo," he answered.

Kathleen stood up and brushed her hands on her clothes. She gave the two adults unsure looks.

"Hi dad." She finally smiled slightly at her father before turning to Olivia. "I swear I was about to put her to bed. It was just bedtime story time."

"It's okay Kathleen, I know how she can be. Trust me. Didn't I tell you to be good with Kathleen?" she asked her daughter.

"I was!"

"She was, Olivia," Kathleen confirmed. "A bit restless, but good."

"We maked a hut! See, mommy?"

"I saw that, baby. It's a very nice hut. It looks like you had a lot of fun with Kathleen."

"Yeah, a lot of fun," Ella answered.

"And now we go to bed. Okay, baby?"

The little girl pouted but nodded her head.

"You say goodnight to Kathleen and Eliot, and then I'll tuck you in, ok?" she told her daughter.

"'kay."

Kathleen came to drop a kiss on the girl's hair. Ella laughed when the young woman briefly tickled her. Then she turned back to the beds and started undoing the hut, placing both suitcases on the other bed and folded the sheet. Olivia walked up to Elliot. The little girl slung an arm around his neck. She gave him a kiss and a good night. The family embrace was awkward and uncomfortable for the two parents but none of them made any effort to break it before Ella did.

Then Kathleen and Elliot walked to the next room and she heard the woman ask her father if he wanted to share a cab. When he declined, she asked if he was spending the night. Olivia didn't hear the answer but hoped to god he made it clear he wasn't.

She turned back to her daughter already lying under the covers, her bear in her arms. She sat on the edge of the bed and tucked a strand of hair behind her daughter's ear. She kissed her forehead and wished her sweet dreams. She went to stand up but Ella grabbed her hand.

"Story, mommy."

"Kathleen was just reading you a story," Olivia argued.

"I want you."

"Fine, but a short one okay?"

The little girl nodded. Olivia settled against the head of the bed and put a hand on her daughter's head, lightly running her fingers in the girl's hair.

"Okay… Once upon a time, there was a little clown fish who was separated from his father by mean fishermen."

"Mommy! That's Finding Nemo!" the girl laughed.

"Well, you love that story."

"In the movie," the girl explained.

"Let's try something else then."

"A lullaby?" Ella tried.

"A lullaby?" Olivia asked.

"Please?"

She smiled and nodded. Softly, she started to sing her daughter to sleep.

"Hush, little baby don't say a word. Momma's gonna buy you a mocking bird…"

When she was done, Ella was fast asleep. She stood up, adjusted the covers and kissed her daughter. When she looked up she saw Elliot, back against the doorframe. His eyes were a shining blue and his face had the softest, most tender look she had ever seen.

Her heart skipped a beat.

* * *

><p><em>Next update might not be before a couple of weeks. Holidays and all... <em>

_In the meantime, merry christmas people! Thanks for sticking with this story and don't forget to leave feedbacks!_


	5. Chapter 5

_Sorry for the delay. Blame it on holidays and exams... _

* * *

><p>Olivia turned off the light except for a small night light. She left the adjoining door slightly ajar and walked into her own room. She ignored Elliot and went to the dresser, removing her jewelry in front of the mirror. He came to stand behind her but she avoided his eyes. She didn't want him to see the tears in hers.<p>

"I always knew you would make a great mother, Olivia," he said quietly. "But, seeing you like that, with… with_ my_ child."

She finally looked at him through his reflection in the mirror. She'd swear she saw him puff his chest out while saying the words.

"It's just…" he breathed out.

"You already have five kids Elliot. It's nothing you haven't seen before," she argued.

"But it's you. Everything's different when it's you, Olivia."

She placed her hands on the dresser, her arms stretched out on either side of her. She closed her eyes and lowered her head. She liked how her name rolled off his lips. No one said it quite like him. It was round, full and melodic. It made her feel warm and alive.

"I've missed so much of my kids growing up because of the job."

He must have stepped closer to her because she felt him behind her. She let him speak, knowing he had every right to be upset. She knew it all had to come out. They had to be able to be parents together. For Ella's sake.

"I don't understand how you could just take her away. You stole three years of her life away from me. I didn't hear her first cry. I didn't see her first smile, her first word, her first step. I didn't see you… pregnant. Why, Olivia?"

"I had to protect her."

"From what? From me? Christ, Olivia!"

She turned, leaning against the dresser. She glared at him as he raised his voice. She glanced at the door of Ella's room but didn't hear anything coming from it. She looked at him.

"From your family. From everyone who would judge me because I was having the child of my married partner. I didn't want her caught in the middle of it."

"So you just ran away?"

"It's not like you were around to stop me."

"So it's my fault?"

"You didn't help," she accused. "I just thought it would be easier for anyone that way."

"That's bullshit, Liv!"

She glared at him and went to close the door between the bedrooms.

"Keep your voice down, will you? I don't want Ella waking up to her… _parents_ fighting," she hissed.

She turned back to him and leaned against the wall, arms crossed on her chest. She saw him staring at the bedroom door.

"She calls me Elliot," he said after a while.

"Give her some time. You're still a stranger to her," she replied softly.

He shot her an angry, accusing look.

"You're not taking her back to San Francisco, Olivia."

"Our lives are over there now," she answered.

"The hell they are. San Francisco is where you ran away to. Your life, her life, is right here in New York. I missed too much already, Olivia. I'm not missing anymore."

"San Francisco isn't that far."

"I don't give a shit, Olivia! I don't want my own daughter living on the other side of the country! I don't want to see her only on holidays. I don't want to hear about her first day of school on the phone. I want to be there holding her hand!" he said, pointing a finger at her.

When he was done, he was inches away from her. His face was hard with fury. But she saw the distress deep in his eyes. She swallowed hard but didn't move. She felt herself panicking, not about his physicality, but because of how much he wanted his daughter.

"Mommy?"

She rushed to her daughter as soon as she heard her. The little girl was standing in the doorway. She was clutching her bear tightly and she had slipped a thumb in her mouth. Her shiny eyes were confused and fearful.

"Mommy?" the little girl said again.

Olivia squatted down to her level. She put a hand on the girl's arm and another on the side of her head. When Ella glanced at Elliot, standing behind her, Olivia brushed her thumb on the girl's cheek.

"It's okay, Ella. It's okay. Elliot and I were just talking. I'm sorry we woke you up, baby."

"You talked loud," she said.

"I know, baby. I'm sorry. Come on, I'll put you back to bed," Olivia told her.

She turned her daughter around and led her back to her bedroom. The girl made no fuss about going back to bed, with her mother's soothing words and light kisses.

When she came back, she closed the door behind her and stopped to look at Elliot. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He looked up at her when he heard the door close.

"I'm sorry," he told her.

She was silent as she stared back at him.

"Go see her," she said.

He sat straight and frowned.

"She just met you and you're already yelling at her mother. I don't want you to be the bad guy. So go see her," she explained.

He nodded and did as she suggested. While he was gone, she went to the bathroom. She took her clothes off and slipped into her robe. She took her make-up off and brushed her teeth and hair. When she went to get her pajamas from the bedroom dresser, Elliot was back, leaning his shoulder against the window of her room.

"How did it go?" she asked him.

He turned to her and froze a second. She looked down when he eyed her up and down. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear uncomfortably. His gaze brought back too many feelings she didn't want to have.

"It went okay," he finally answered. "Told her I loved her. She seemed to like that."

"Course she did."

"It came so easy. Loving her, telling her," he whispered.

"I know," she smiled.

He shifted and looked away.

"She asked if I loved you," he added quietly.

He turned back to the window. She swallowed hard, the sound of it so loud in her ears.

"I hope you lied," she said.

"What do you mean?" he asked, turning back to her.

"Well I hope you didn't tell her I was a heartless bitch that you hated," she gave him a weak self-deprecating smile.

"No, Liv, god!"

She breathed out softly and walked to him. She leaned against the other side of the window, next to him.

"Told her it was complicated," he answered after a while.

"Yeah, she doesn't like complicated very much," she said with a breathy chuckle.

"What did you tell her about me, about us?"

"Nothing, I just… told her I had to leave New York before she was born. I thought she was still a bit too young for the fine print of her family history."

"Way too young…" he joked.

"It was bad enough I had to tell Kathleen."

"What did you tell Kathleen?" he asked.

She heard the edge in his voice and sighed.

"She's not stupid, Elliot. She can do the math. She knows we went behind her mother's back."

"You told her we had an affair?" he kept his voice low, but harsh.

"I didn't have to. Like I said, she's not stupid. I did explain that it wasn't so much an affair as you and I stupidly sleeping together on a few occasions."

"You told my daughter we slept together?"

"Elliot!" She laughed softly. "Did you expect her to believe Ella was an immaculate conception?"

He glared at her but in the same way he used to glare at her before. When they were partners. Like he conceded her point but just because it was her.

"Kathleen is okay, you know. Still a bit mad, and hurt, but okay," she informed him as she moved away and grabbed a tee-shirt and sweatpants from the dresser. She set them on the bed and turned to Elliot, a hand on the belt of her robe.

"You should go, Elliot."

He stared at the hand next to the knot holding the robe closed. She crossed an arm on her stomach and raised her other hand to close the robe tighter on her chest. When his eyes crossed hers, they held a familiar sparkle. He placed his hands on his hips and jerked his chin towards her with a slight smirk.

"It's nothing I haven't seen before, you know," he told her.

She felt the heat pool low in her belly. She held his gaze and willed herself not to move, not to smile, not to twitch a muscle.

"I'm four years older and a few pounds heavier since the last time, you know," she deflected.

"You're beautiful."

His voice was low and gentle and caused goose bumps to break out across her skin.

"You should go Elliot," she said again.

"We're not done," he told her softly.

"We have a child, Elliot. We'll never be done."

He gave her a gentle smile and stared at her for a long silence.

"Good night, Olivia," he said eventually.

She nodded and smiled slightly. She shook her head at herself as she watched him leave. She sighed and went to bed.

oooooooooo

That Wednesday morning, Olivia had called Elliot to tell him to meet them at 12:30 at a small restaurant outside of Central Park. She had given him her new cell number. She knew the job, knew he could have to cancel at the last minute.

He didn't.

Ella was practically skipping when they entered the restaurant. She ran to her father when she spotted him in a booth. He stood up and squatted down to hug the girl. Then he took her under the armpits and raised her up high before sitting her down in the far end of the booth.

Olivia walked up to them and Elliot leaned to give her a kiss on the cheek. Her eyes went wide but when she caught sight of her daughter's smiling face, she nodded at him and smiled back. She sat down beside her daughter, Elliot in front of them.

"So how was your morning?" he asked them.

"We went to the park again, and to the zoo!" Ella explained, referring to the Central Park Zoo.

Ella went on and on about their trip to the zoo. Olivia kept silent for the most part except for placing their respective orders. She caught Elliot smiling at the fact that she still knew what he would want. She was tempted to smirk but she felt lulled into a false sense of security. She refused to get too comfortable with him, especially when she knew they still had some obstacles to overcome. His family being the biggest one in her mind.

After their plates arrived, Ella started eating and fell silent.

"Have you talked to Kathy?" Olivia asked him.

"Not yet," he answered curtly.

"Kathy's Kathleen's mom?" Ella asked.

"Yes, she is, kiddo," Elliot confirmed.

Ella looked briefly at her mother before lowering her head, nibbling on her lip. Olivia sighed and grabbed lightly the girl's chin to cross her eyes.

"Ella? What did I tell you about stepmothers, baby?"

"They're not all evil?" the girl answered softly.

Elliot chuckled and Olivia glared at him.

"Thank you fairytales…" she muttered.

"Don't worry about Kathy, kiddo," Elliot confirmed.

She nodded and slid under the table to get her fork back.

"You're okay?" Olivia asked him.

"Yeah. Why?" he answered.

His face didn't show any anguish at the mention of his ex-wife, of his marriage. For once, she believed him when he said he was okay. He had moved on from Kathy.

The thought hit her.

Maybe he had moved on from her too. She hated that the idea made her gut twist.

"So, you're seeing anyone?" she dared to ask him.

"Not at the moment, no," he answered with a slight smirk.

She glared at his apparent amusement. She took a brief look at her daughter who seemed to have forgotten about her food. The girl was suddenly more interested in the menu.

"Ella! You can't color the menu! Where did you even get that pen?" Olivia asked.

"From your bag," she answered, barely looking up from her coloring.

Olivia sighed and glared at Elliot's smirking face. She held out her hand to him.

"What?" he asked confused.

"Your notebook. Just give me a piece of paper from your notebook," she explained.

He smiled and did as she asked.

"Here, Baby." Olivia gave the piece of paper to Ella. "And you don't color on anything but paper, ok?"

"Ok," Ella conceded.

"She hasn't drawn on any wall yet?" Elliot joked.

"No, but go ahead, give her the idea," she said with a roll of her eyes. "How are the kids?" she asked after a minute.

"They're good," he answered and glanced at Ella, who was looking back at him at the mention of his kids. "Maybe we could all have dinner at my place sometime this week?"

"Can we, mommy?" Ella asked her eagerly.

"I think that's a good idea," was her answer. "But we're talking to them before dinner," she told Elliot, with a strong look.

"Yes. I'll see when I can get them all together. And I'll talk to Kathy."

"Ok. Oh by the way, I invited Casey to have coffee with us."

"With us? Today?"

"Yes. I wanted to tell her about Ella in person rather than have her hear about it through the grapevine," she explained.

"Please, it's already all over the 1-6."

She groaned.

"We've always been good at fueling the coffee machine gossip, haven't we?" she sighed.

"I heard people thought you had run away with me when you left. I kinda wish you had, now."

She was saved from having to answer by the appearance of the red haired ADA.

"Am I the only one hearing the Twilight Zone theme right now?" Casey asked.

Olivia laughed, got up and hugged the young woman.

"It's good to see you again Casey," Olivia told her.

"Yes, it has been a while, hasn't it?" Casey quipped.

"Hey, Case'," Elliot said.

Olivia picked up a curious Ella and turned back to Casey, while Elliot sat back down.

"Ella, I want you to meet my old friend Casey. Casey, this is my daughter, Ella," Olivia explained.

"Ours," Elliot interrupted, glaring at her.

"Well, I had heard rumors you guys were playing house now," Casey joked. She sat down next to Elliot. "It's still a strange thing to witness."

"You talk weird," Ella told Casey.

Olivia bit back a smile and sat down beside her daughter.

"Do not," Casey answered.

"Do too!" the girl replied.

"Okay, kids. That's enough," Olivia stepped in.

"She started it," Casey said.

The ADA smiled, waved at a waitress and ordered three coffees.

"So you two _were_ doing the nasty," she asked when she turned back to them.

"Casey!" Olivia protested.

"What's nasty, mommy?" Ella got curious.

Casey smirked.

"Well you're not babysitting anytime soon," Elliot declared.

"Mommy, can we call Shannon and Barney tonight?" Ella asked, already moving on to another concern.

"Who's Barney?" "Who's Shannon?" Elliot and Casey asked at the same time.

"Down boys," Olivia laughed. "Shannon is my boss and friend, and Barney is…"

"He's my puppy!" Ella exclaimed.

"You have a dog?" Elliot asked.

"I got him for my birthday," the girl explained.

"You just have your mother wrapped around your little finger, haven't you?" Casey told Ella.

"What that means?"

"It just means I love you very much, Baby."

Casey rolled her eyes at her. Elliot's phone suddenly biped. He took a look at it and his face fell.

"I gotta go," he announced.

Casey moved to let him leave. He bent over the table to ruffle Ella's hair with a smile.

"I'll call you," he told Olivia.

"I'm surprised he didn't ruffle your hair," Casey joked after he left.

"Well you're just a riot, aren't you," Olivia answered.

"So what the hell happened Olivia?" she asked, suddenly more serious.

Olivia exhaled a tired sigh and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Ella becoming restless, the three of them left the restaurant and went for a short walk in the park. The women caught up on the last few years while Ella ran and played around them.

Soon after, Casey had to leave for the courthouse and Olivia and Ella spent another hour or so in the park. Olivia calculated that Shannon must have been on her lunch break over in San Francisco. So she suggested that they call her. Ella excitedly accepted.

The little girl told the woman all about New York, about her father and her sister. She asked about Barney and about her friends at daycare. When she was done she gave the phone back to her mother and went back to playing with other kids around the jungle gym.

Olivia talked to Shannon for a few minutes, reassuring her that they were both fine, all the while not letting Ella out of her sight. She hadn't even had the time to pocket her cell than Elliot called her about the big family dinner at his place tomorrow evening. She accepted and reminded him again to talk to Kathy. He had, after all, a history of ignoring his now ex-wife.

After hanging up, she hesitated a moment before placing another call.

"Hi Gavin, it's Olivia," she said.

She smiled upon hearing his voice answer back. She explained she was in town for a few days and offered to meet for lunch. They agreed on breakfast at 9:00 the next morning and hung up, putting the phone back in her purse.

She called Ella.

She panicked and shot up when she didn't see her daughter. She called her again.

"Ella!"

The faces of the dozens of abused children she had had to deal with over the years flashed before her eyes.

"Ella!"

She didn't find her daughter in the jungle gym and she started spinning, looking around for her daughter. That's when she caught sight of the little girl coming out of the bushes, a soccer ball under her arm.

Olivia breathed out and got her shaking and breathing back under control before going to her daughter. She took the ball from her and threw it to the kids Ella had been playing with. She grabbed her daughter's chin and looked right at her, her eyes still wide from her moment of panic.

"Ella, I don't want you to go anywhere by yourself, you hear me? Even if it's just to go get a ball in the bushes, you don't go _anywhere_ alone. I need you to promise me that."

"Okay…" the girl answered.

"This is not a game, Ella. This is important. You don't go anywhere by yourself. You don't go anywhere with someone you don't know. It's one rule I don't want you to break, ok?"

"Okay, mommy," she answered again, more seriously this time, looking right at her mother, her eyes shining with tears.

"Come on, baby," Olivia whispered and picked up her daughter in her arms. "How about we go back to the hotel, now?"

The little girl nodded against her shoulder. They stopped to get a couple of postcards and went back to their hotel.

oooooooooo

The next morning, Olivia found herself once again sitting in a booth beside her daughter, and opposite her was Gavin.

"I'm glad it's working out for the both of you, Olivia," he told her after she had related the latest development in their lives, including Kathleen's role in it.

"I am too. But, it's definitely not over yet. There's the big family reunion coming up tonight," she added nervously.

He grabbed her hand from across the table and smiled at her.

"It's going to be alright, Olivia," he assured her. "And how about you, princess? How do you feel about meeting your brothers and sisters?" he asked Ella.

"I'm excited!" She smiled.

She was happy Ella was still too young to worry. It didn't even occur to her that her siblings may not be as excited as her. Olivia could only hope things would turn out as good as the little girl thought they would. As nervous as she was, she also knew she would fight tooth and nails to protect her daughter from the Stablers' wrath, if it came down to it. That's probably what they called the Momma Bear Phenomenon…

"Olivia?" Gavin asked.

She looked up when he called her name and realized that her phone was ringing. She apologized with a smile and picked up.

"Benson," she answered.

"I see you haven't moved on to a more civilized way of answering your phone."

"Like you're any better, Stabler," she teased back.

"Listen, what do you say to a little trip to Coney Island?" he offered.

"Don't you have work to do?"

"We closed our case. I took the rest of the week off."

"So was it your guy?" she got curious and shot another apologetic smile at Gavin.

"Yeah." His curt answer told her not to push it. "So? I'll pick you both up at the hotel in fifteen?"

"I'm not at the hotel. We're having breakfast out."

"Okay, just tell me where."

She glanced up at Gavin and bit her lip. After a second, she agreed, gave him the address of the diner and told him to meet them in a half hour.

"Sorry about that," she told Gavin after hanging up. "That was your dad," she explained to Ella. "He's spending the day with us, is that okay with you?"

The little girl beamed and nodded.

"So what are you plans?" Gavin asked her.

"Coney Island," Olivia answered.

"What's that?" Ella asked.

"It's a big amusement park," Gavin told her.

"Yay!" the girl exclaimed.

"Yay," the man confirmed with a smile. "But I was actually wondering about your bigger, future plans, Olivia."

"Not you too…" Olivia groaned.

"You know we could always use another good investigator at the law firm," he offered jokingly.

"Right… That's sweet but no."

"Well in any case, it's really nice to see you again, both of you. Maybe we could have dinner sometime?"

Ella asked for the bathroom before she could answer. She smiled and accompanied her daughter. When they got back, Ella sat on her knees to finish her breakfast, sure sign that she was getting restless. Gavin smiled at her and reached for something in his briefcase.

"I'm going to have to go soon, but I have something for you Ella," he said, handing her a Rubik's cube wrapped in a blue bow. "That was something my father gave me when I was a kid. I didn't manage to finish it until I was sixteen, but then I was a bum. But you're a smart little kid and I know you're gonna beat my score."

"Thank you," Ella beamed.

Olivia wasn't sure Ella had understood everything Gavin had said. But she was touched by the gesture and smiled at him.

"And listen, Ella. You give me a call when you finish it ok?" he added.

Ella nodded but was already distracted by her gift.

"So how about dinner, Olivia?" Gavin asked her again.

"Well how can I say no after that?" she laughed. "I'll call you before we go back to San Francisco."

He agreed and stood up. He hugged Ella goodbye and did the same to Olivia before kissing her lightly on the corner of the mouth. They shared a smile.

"You make sure you call me," he said again.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

Olivia turned to Elliot who had just arrived. She sighed.

"Gavin, this is Elliot, Ella's father. Elliot, this is Gavin, a friend from San Francisco," she introduced.

The two men shook hands and she rolled her eyes at both their death grips. They obviously both felt protective of her and of Ella. But right now she just wanted to throw them both to the floor to prove she wasn't helpless.

"Elliot!" Ella interrupted the staring contest the two men were in.

Her daughter was walking to them, standing up on the bench. Olivia picked her up on her hip.

"Look at what Gavin gived me!" she exclaimed, showing off the Rubik's cube.

"Well that was nice of Gavin," he said, glaring at the man. "Now, what do you say we go have some fun?"

"Yes!" she smiled.

Gavin ruffled the girl's hair.

"Call me," he told Olivia again, kissing her on the cheek. He gave Elliot a nod on his way out.

Olivia watched him leave and turned to Elliot. He shrugged and tapped a finger under his daughter's chin with a smile.

"Let's go," Elliot declared.

* * *

><p><em>I promise the next update won't take as long! I hope you're still enjoying the story. Don't forget to leave some feedback. ;)<em>


	6. Chapter 6

_So sorry for the delay in the update. My beta and I have a little trouble communicating these days. ;) That plus a lot of exams equal a very late new chapter. _

* * *

><p>Olivia smiled when she saw the child seat in the back of Elliot's car. She set Ella in it and sat in the front seat.<p>

"Are we there soon?" the girl asked two minutes after Elliot started driving.

Elliot laughed.

"Why don't you try resting for a bit, so you won't get too tired at the park," Olivia suggested.

"But it's the morning!" the girl complained.

"Well how about some music?" Elliot suggested.

He put in one of Eli's cds. She looked in the vanity mirror and saw Ella swaying slightly at the music while looking out the window.

"So who's Gavin?" Elliot asked her.

"I told you, he's a friend from San Francisco," she answered without looking at him.

"What kind of friend?"

"Oh for heaven's sakes, Elliot," she lashed out. "We dated, okay. For over six months before he moved to New York. It's through him that Kathleen found me, actually. A friend of hers works for him," she explained.

"So I have your ex-boyfriend to thank for meeting my kid?"

She sighed and shook her head lightly.

"Elliot… How long are you going to keep doing that?"

"I'm thinking, maybe three years. You know, reset the balance and all," he answered seriously.

"Damnit, El," she muttered.

He looked at her with a softer expression and the ghost of a smile tugged at his lips.

"Been a long time since you've called me that," he told her.

"You couldn't stay mad at me for three years even if you really wanted too," she said softly, half serious, half teasing.

"Yeah, you're probably right…" he conceded. "I'm still allowed to be mad for a while longer though, Liv," he said harshly.

They were silent for a while but it wasn't heavy as it had been. She glanced at him briefly before looking out the windshield.

"Talked with Kathy?" she asked after a moment.

"Talked to her, not so much with," he answered. "She was livid, stormed out of the restaurant. She did agree to let Eli have dinner with us tonight though."

"I feel awful…." She whispered.

He didn't say anything in return and she didn't look at him.

The rest of the drive was mostly silent save for Ella's growing impatience. They arrived after a few more minutes and all got out. Ella grabbed her mother's hand and bent down to pick up the blue bow Gavin had given her from the floor of the car.

"Mommy, can you put the bow in my hair?" the girl asked.

Olivia nodded with a smile and got an elastic from her purse. She pulled Ella's hair into a high ponytail and wrapped the bow in it.

"There, beautiful," Olivia smiled.

Ella skipped to her father, took his hand and held out her other hand to her mother. Olivia tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and complied. This felt way too _happy family_ for her liking but she could put on a show for her daughter.

She was good at putting on a show.

"So, Gavin, was it serious?" Elliot started again when they started to walk.

"Seven months is nothing short of a record for me," she scoffed. "Yeah, it was serious."

"Did he ask you to move to New York with him?"

"Yes."

"Would you have gone with him if it hadn't been New York?"

"Maybe. Look, Elliot, let's not start with the what-ifs, okay?" Olivia argued but kept her voice soft for the sake of appearance.

"Gavin is nice," Ella said. "Now he lives here. Elliot lives here. Kathleen lives here. Maybe we'll live here too, mommy?"

Olivia gripped her daughter's hand a bit tighter.

"Maybe you should," Elliot declared.

Olivia stopped and picked up her daughter to place her on her hip.

"Come on, what do you want to do, baby?"

"Something scary," the girl exclaimed.

Olivia smiled at her daughter and walked on, Elliot by her side.

oooooooooo

They left the park around four, after having lunched on hotdogs and fruit snacks Olivia had with her in her purse. Elliot carried a tired Ella on his shoulders to the car. Two minutes into the drive back, the little girl was fast asleep.

"We should go straight to my place, give her a chance to nap for a couple of hours," Elliot suggested, to which Olivia agreed.

Without the excited chatter of a three year old, the drive was mostly silent.

"Did Kathy get the house in Queens?" Olivia asked when she saw the direction he was taking.

"We sold it. She lives in Jersey City now. I got a house in Brooklyn," he answered.

They drove for about twenty minutes before Elliot stopped the car in front of a closed metal gate. He grabbed a key from the small compartment between the two front seats. Then he got out of the car, leaving the motor running. He went to open the gate and Olivia slid into the driver seat. She drove the car into the driveway and Elliot closed the gate behind it. She got out of the car and looked up at him just as he threw her the keys.

Playing distractedly with them, she turned to the house, taking it in for a minute. It was a two stories brick house, simple and tasteful. The curtains of the large window next to the door were pulled closed. She turned back to see Elliot carry a still sleeping Ella in his arms, the little girl instinctively curling up against his chest.

She didn't smile.

She walked to the front door of the house and opened it, finding the right key on her third attempt. She stepped in and left the door open behind her. She looked up at the staircase and a smile tugged at her lips. Various school pictures of his kids were hanging up on the wall up in a pure traditional American family way. Yet she knew there wasn't much tradition in this family anymore.

She was looking at the dining room on her right when she heard Elliot walking up the stairs. She guessed he was putting Ella to bed and didn't follow him. Besides, she knew the little girl wasn't a light sleeper and probably wouldn't wake up despite the movement.

She slipped off her heels and left her purse down on the floor next to them. Bare feet, she took herself on a tour of the house. The next door on her right was the kitchen and she walked through it. She wasn't surprised at its clean state; she had always been messier than him. Even now, she kept her house well but was far from anal about the clatter often left by her three year old.

From the kitchen she walked in the living room and stopped before the door to the backyard. She was still there, staring outside when she felt Elliot behind her.

"It's not much... but it's enough," he told her after a while.

"Anymore and you'd have IAB on our ass," she said turning back to him. "It's really a nice place, Elliot."

"Kathy doesn't understand why I didn't get an apartment in the city."

"What? Did you get too old for the excitement of the big apple?" she joked half-heartedly.

"I just wanted to have somewhere for the family, you know. Where even my eldest could feel like coming for a few days. Not just Eli on the every other weekend I have him," he explained.

She listened to him. Elliot didn't open up very often, making every occasion all the more precious.

"It's just… you know, one of these build-them-and-they-will-come thing. Worked I guess. They actually seem to enjoy hanging around here, grown-up as they may be," he carried on.

She didn't say a word. She just nodded slightly and didn't take her eyes off him.

"I'm even more glad I got the house now."

"Elliot…" she finally said.

"Not now, Olivia. Let's just not talk right now. We're probably going to be fighting the kids tonight as it is. Let's not fight each other too. We'll have plenty of time for that tomorrow," he sighed and rubbed a hand on his forehead.

He walked away towards the kitchen and she looked outside again, a weak smile tugging at her lips.

"Tomorrow, we'll think about that tomorrow," she said.

"Never pictured you for the Southern Belle type," she heard him reply.

She turned to him with a short breathy laugh. He was standing in the doorway of the kitchen and she walked past him and into the room.

"Never pictured you for a Gone With the Wind fan," she bit back.

In the kitchen, she started opening up his cupboards rather than ask him for a glass.

"I have an ex-wife and three daughters, what did you expect?" he answered. "Four. Four daughters," he corrected softly.

She bit down on her lip but kept quiet as she finally found a glass and filled it with tap water. She leaned against the counter and drank before putting it down next to her.

She didn't want to, but she felt surprisingly comfortable here.

Like she belonged.

She stopped that train of thought as soon as it started and threw her head back until it lightly hit the cupboard behind her.

"God," she whispered. "This is all such a mess."

He didn't reply. She heard him open the fridge door and uncap a beer. He came to stand against the counter beside her. She turned her head and watched him bring the drink to his mouth and gulp some of it down.

It took a second for her to register that he was handing her the bottle. When she did, she took it and drank from it, staring at the wall in front of her. The next few minutes were spent in silence, as the beer went back and forth between them until they had finished it.

It felt right and so, so wrong.

The sound of the empty bottle being set onto the counter brought her back to reality.

"What time are the kids coming?" she asked, her voice too loud to her ears.

"6:30," he answered.

She stood up and went to lean against the opposite counter, crossing her arms on her chest.

"Is there anything I can do? You know, for dinner or something?" she asked.

"Think they'll actually stay for dinner?" he scoffed.

She stared at him and ran a hand through her hair.

"Are you okay?" Olivia asked him.

He nodded without a word.

"I should go check on Ella," she told him. "What room is she in?"

"I'll go with you."

She turned towards the door and he led her to the hallway, a hand pressed in the small of her back. She closed her eyes briefly at the contact but didn't protest. She felt too tired for that.

She walked up the stairs, Elliot following closely behind. She stopped at the top, waiting for him to show her to one of the four rooms. He jerked his chin toward the half-open door right on her left. She pushed the door of what was the master bedroom and saw the little girl curled up under the covers in the middle of the queen sized bed.

She didn't move, just watched her daughter sleep for a long while. Elliot was standing so close behind her she could feel the heat of his body warming her up.

"I just want her to be happy, Elliot," she whispered.

"I know. She is. She will be happy, Olivia," he told her.

She felt his words against her neck and it made her head buzz in a strange and pleasant way.

She turned and left the room. She brushed against Elliot in the process and squeezed his hand quickly. She walked down the stairs. She picked up her purse and the shoes she had left on the floor and slipped them back on. Back in the living-room, she set her purse on the small desk set against the wall. She took her iPad from it and went to curl up on the far end of the couch.

She looked up when she heard Elliot walk in the room. He sat on a nearby chair and crossed his leg to set his ankle on his knee. He rubbed his jaw and looked at her.

"I'm just catching up on my emails and some work… I hope you don't mind," she informed him.

After a while she glanced up again and saw him still staring at her.

"What?" she asked, curious rather than annoyed.

"I've missed you," he replied.

Her chin dropped to her chest and her hair fell in curtain before she brushed it away.

"I thought we weren't doing this today?"

"Can't I just tell you I've missed you?" he answered.

He set his arms on the armrests and spread his legs wide. Settled in his chair, he seemed to take up the whole room.

"I've missed you too, Elliot," she finally said softly.

It felt like a loaded confession, a dirty secret she had been holding on to. Because she didn't really have the right to miss him. She had left. Granted, he had left first, but still. He didn't call her on it, though. Instead, he relaxed and smiled slightly. He gave her a nod of the head.

She glanced at the clock on the mantel of the fireplace in front of her. Ten to six. Forty minutes to go, she thought. She decided to ignore the tense silence and went back to her work. She opened a email from Shannon and snorted.

"Something funny?" Elliot asked her and narrowed his eyes.

She got up and went to sit on an armrest of his chair with her iPad.

"Meet Barney," she told him.

She showed him the picture attached to the email. There was a light brown puppy licking the face of a porcelain skinned brunette who was making an "ew" face.

"And that's Shannon," she pointed out.

He put a hand on the side of the iPad. He slipped an arm around her waist and rested his free hand on her hip. She froze, swallowed hard and turned her head to him. His attention was solely on the device and she wondered if he was even aware of the contact.

"You got other pictures on that thing?" he asked.

It would be so easy to slip into his lap she thought.

She shook her head. She was not that woman. _She was not that woman_, she repeated silently. Instead she nodded and pulled up a file. She went through dozens of pictures, commenting on some, keeping quiet on others. She showed him their house, Ella and Jenny, Ella and Shannon, her and Ella, various birthdays and outings… She felt him tense when he saw pictures of Gavin with them. Then there was Ella and Billy, Ella and Barney, her and Ella again. The last picture was one of Ella and Kathleen. He brushed a finger lightly on his two daughters.

She choked up.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, not trusting her voice.

The realization of what he had been deprived of finally hit her.

"I'm sorry, Elliot," she repeated.

He got up and she fell into the seat he had just vacated. She leaned ahead, put her elbows on her knees and pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes. She then brushed her thumbs under her eyes and breathed out slowly.

She stood up and saw that Elliot wasn't in the room anymore. She went to place the iPad back in her purse and picked up a smaller bag from it. She left for the powder room she had spotted opposite the kitchen.

She was done after a few minutes, her face made-up again. She looked at her watch to see that there was only ten minutes before Elliot's kids were supposed to arrive. She closed her fists to stop her hands from shaking.

She was walking out of the powder room just when the front door opened. Kathleen walked in and greeted Olivia with a tight smile.

"How're you doing?" the young woman asked her.

"I'm more nervous than before my first date," she joked. "But aside from that, I'm ok I guess."

"Stop talking about your sex life with my kid," Elliot said from behind her.

She recognized the joke in his voice and smirked at him. The way they were able to go back from serious to joking in a few minutes gave her whiplash. But she still liked that better than having a sullen Elliot on her back.

He gave his daughter a hug, told her Ella was sleeping upstairs and led her to the living room. Olivia went to the stairs to go check quickly on her daughter. But she heard a car pull up and looked through the door window to see Elliot's twins get out of it. For a second she thought about going up to hide with her child while Elliot dealt with his. She didn't. Instead she ignored how stupid she felt when she almost raced away from the front door and to the living room.

"You okay?" Elliot asked her when she came in.

"Yes," she answered more calmly than she really felt. "Hum… the twins are here."

He nodded and she left for the kitchen, followed by Kathleen. Olivia found a tray and placed a few glasses on it. She took out orange juice and coke from the fridge and set it on the tray. Next to her, Kathleen laughed.

"You do realize we're not kids anymore, right? Even the twins can legally drink now," the young woman told her.

"Right," Olivia muttered. "Beer it is…"

"I know you're a mother now, but seriously, what happened to badass Olivia?" Kathleen asked more seriously.

Olivia looked at her thoughtfully and smiled at her.

"What happened to the wild irresponsible college kid?" she asked in return.

"Don't worry, there's still a bit of her in there," Kathleen laughed. "Don't tell dad though."

Kathleen hugged her briefly before leaving the kitchen. Olivia set the glasses back in the cupboard. She heard the voices of the Stabler family move to the living room. She hoped Ella would stay asleep until they told them about her. She leaned against the wall next to the doorway to the living room and listened. She heard Maureen and Eli and assumed the eldest child had driven her brother here.

She took one last long breath before crossing the threshold to the living-room. The voices immediately died down when they caught sight of her. She couldn't help the smile that came when she saw them all.

Elizabeth was tucked under her father's arm, her long dirty blonde hair held away from her face by a clip on each side. Richard had already slouched down on the couch, his legs crossed at the ankles. Maureen was as beautiful as ever: blond hair, blue eyes and bright smile. She had her arms around her little brother. Eli was the one who had changed the most. She remembered the pictures of Elliot as a kid that she had seen at his mother's. She decided his youngest son looked the most like him, despite his light hair, and she smiled at that. Kathleen was standing right beside her, her back against the wall, an arm on the mantel of the fireplace.

Maureen was the first one to breathe out her name.

"You're here… You're back?" the young woman asked, confused.

"Is that why we're here?" Dickie asked his dad. "This some kind of welcome back party? 'Cause, I mean, welcome back, Olivia, but…"

"Thank you, Richard," she told him with a smile, remembering he now preferred Richard to Dickie. Not that she could blame him. "It's nice to see you again, kids."

She went to lightly hug everyone before kneeling in front of Eli.

"Hi Eli, you remember me?" she asked him softly.

"A little bit, hi Olivia," he replied.

She smiled at him. So far, the children looked more confused than upset and she was okay with that. She was itching to offer them something to drink, but that wasn't her place. She was the guest, they were in their home, she reminded herself. She went back to stand next to Kathleen who gave her a reassuring smile.

"Olivia is definitely a big part of why you're here, yes," Elliot answered. "Maybe you should sit down," he told his kids.

_And here we go_, she thought. _Let's turn these kids' world upside down._

"Could you take your brother outside for a while?" he asked Kathleen.

She nodded and walked up to them.

"I'll tell him," she told him gently.

Elliot hesitated a second. He glanced at Olivia who nodded slightly. He also gave Kathleen a nod of the head and thanked her. She took Eli's hand and went to the backyard. Her siblings looked at her curiously.

"What's going on?" Maureen got impatient.

"Are you guys dating or something?" Richard asked, his brow furrowed.

She remembered when she'd had him in the interview room years ago. He had asked if she was sleeping with her partner, his father. She had lied to him that day.

"Would you just sit down, please?" Elliot told them again.

The kids finally sat down: Maureen on the far end of the couch with Liz next to her. Richard sat up a bit straighter.

"Mom's okay, right?" Liz asked.

"I just saw her when I picked up Eli. She seemed… weird, now that I think about it. But she was okay," Maureen told her sister.

Elliot sighed and shifted his weight from one foot to the other before settling into his usual sprawl, hands crossed in his back. Olivia took a few steps and stood next to him, a few inches behind. He turned his head to share a look with her.

She closed her fists to keep herself from reaching for his hand.

"Just so you know, I already told your mother what I'm about to tell you. That's probably why she was acting weird earlier."

He fell silent and she contemplated stepping in.

"Well there is no easy way to say it, so…" he finally said.

Her gut twisted and she almost ran to the kitchen sink to throw up.

"When your mom and I were still married, Olivia and I slept together."

"What the hell?" Maureen yelled out.

She got up and went to stand behind the couch, her hands on it. The others looked too stunned to talk. Olivia lowered her head and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She bit down on her lip when Elliot shifted again next to her, crossing his arms on his chest.

"Dad! Okay, first, how the hell could you do that to mom? And second, why the hell would you suddenly decide to share your crap with us?" Maureen carried on.

Olivia glanced up at the ceiling and then at Elliot who looked at her with the same concern. Now was not the time for Ella to wake up.

"Would you please lower your voice, Maureen?" he asked her.

"The hell!" Dickie stepped in, getting up too. "We have every right to be mad!"

"Let them finish, Rick," Liz told her brother, her voice harsh but lower than her siblings. "Then you can get mad."

"Oh I can't wait to hear more!" Maureen added, throwing her hands in the air.

"Mommy!"

The muffled childish scream froze the room into silence. Olivia shared a look with Elliot before running from the room and upstairs.

"Oh my God! You've got a fucking love child?" she heard Dickie yell.

Her eyes were burning when she got to the master bedroom. She sat on the edge of the bed and hugged her little girl.

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><p><em>Hope you're still with me and enjoying the story! :) <em>

_Please please please, don't forget to drop a teeny weenie review. I need the boost! :)_


	7. Chapter 7

****_Thank you for the reviews. I'm so glad you're still on board. For the curious ones who asked about what I have planned for this story... Not saying anything, except I really think you'll enjoy the ride. ;)_

_Thank you to Mariah, who despite a busy schedule keeps the edits and the kind words coming!_

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><p>Olivia's eyes were burning when she got to the master bedroom. She sat on the edge of the bed and hugged her little girl.<p>

"Mommy," Ella cried again.

"It's okay, baby. It's okay. You're at your dad's, we went there after the amusement park. You fell asleep in the car. It's okay, Ella. You're safe."

"I heard shouts," the little girl explained.

"It's okay, Ella. It's just your dad, and… your brothers and sisters. They're downstairs, they're just talking. They talk loud in that family," she joked, lightly tapping a finger on her daughter's nose.

The girl giggled before furrowing her brow.

"Everyone is down?" she asked, nibbling on her lip.

"Yes, they are. Do you want to go meet them?"

She nodded with a smile. Olivia returned the smile and picked her up. She walked out of the room and into the hallway. The first door she tried seemed to be Eli's room. She found the bathroom behind the second. She set her daughter down next to the sink and with a washcloth she had found in a cupboard, she lightly freshened up her daughter.

"Are they nice?" Ella asked her.

"They are. But remember that they only just found out about you, baby. So they're still a little bit surprised. You have to give them a little bit of time to get to know you, okay?"

"Okay."

Olivia used her fingers to brush her daughter's hair before pulling them up again in a ponytail.

"You want the bow?" she asked the girl.

When the girl said yes, she wrapped the bow that had fallen off during her nap around the elastic of the ponytail.

"Ok. Let's go?" Olivia asked Ella.

Ella reached her arms out to her mother. Olivia smiled and carried her back to the bedroom. She picked up the white tennis shoes Elliot had set next to the bed and slipped them on over the girl's white stockings. Olivia then handed Ella her blue cardigan to put on. She carried her daughter down the stairs, before putting her down. She straightened the girl's white and blue striped dress and took her hand to walk to the living-room.

She crossed Elliot's eyes and he nodded at her, so she walked further into the room before stopping. She looked down to see Ella half hiding behind her leg. The girl slipped an arm between her mother's legs and grabbed at the light blue jeans.

Maureen was standing in front of the window, her arms crossed on her chest. This only thing Olivia could read on her closed face was a new found curiosity. Richard was sitting forward on the couch, his chin resting on his closed fists, his head turned to them. Elizabeth was right next to him, on the armrest. Kathleen was by her father's side, her arms around her little brother. They all looked at the mother and daughter, each showing a different expression across their face.

The room was silent for a minute that seemed never-ending. Then Liz got up and walked up to them. Olivia held her breath. The young girl barely looked at Olivia but squatted down in front of her half-sister.

"Hi Ella," she smiled at the girl. "I'm Elizabeth, but you can call me Lizzie. Everybody does. I'm very happy to meet you."

She felt her daughter's grip on her relax.

"Hi," the little girl finally breathed out. "I'm happy too."

Liz smiled a bit wider.

"That is my twin brother, Richard. You can call him Rick," she said pointing at the glaring young man. "You already know Kathleen, and this is Eli, my baby brother. He's six. And over there, this is Maureen. She's our oldest sister."

Ella looked around at her siblings. She took a step from behind her mother but kept a hand on her leg.

"Hi," she said softly to the room.

"Hi kid," Kathleen answered with a smile.

And then Eli walked up to her, looking curiously at the girl. He extended a hand out to her.

"Hi, I'm Eli," he told her.

"I'm Ella," she answered and lightly shook his hand.

Olivia looked at the scene in amazement. She looked at Elliot and smiled at him.

"Eli, why don't you go to show Ella your room?" Elliot suggested.

The two kids both looked at their respective parent before nodding. Olivia brushed a hand on her daughter's head as they both left the room. Olivia then took a few steps in the room and came to stand next to Elliot.

"She's adorable," Liz told them quietly.

"Liz wants to be a teacher. Kids make her melt," Elliot explained with a small grin.

Richard snorted and Maureen rolled her eyes. They both shot dark look in the direction of the hallway.

"Ella's not the enemy, guys. Give her a chance," Kathleen told her siblings.

Olivia flinched at the word _enemy_. _That's you_, she thought. Once again, she felt the urge to reach for Elliot. Richard got up and took a few steps toward them. She felt it coming. She saw it coming as big as a train wreck. She held her breath.

"So, daddy," he started, his voice laced with sarcasm, "now that you've introduced us to your whore and your little bastard, we're supposed to what, bond or something?"

She did reach for Elliot this time. She grabbed his wrist to keep him from jumping on his son. Then she quickly walked out of the room and out of the house.

Only outside did she let the tears come. She went to lean against the trunk of his car, her back to the house. She pressed both her hands against her mouth as each sob shook her whole body painfully.

She cried. Hard.

She heard Elliot call her name close to her. He squeezed her shoulder and repeated her name softly. She shook him off and walked away. She went to stand before the metal gate, grabbed the bars and rested her head in the crook of her elbow. She forced herself to breathe in and out calmly.

"Olivia," he said again.

She turned to him and he froze. He had always been a bit helpless when she cried.

"That's what I didn't want. That's why I left," she told him harshly, pointing at the house. The tears kept coming and she chocked up a bit. "I don't care what name I'm being called, I'm used to that. But I swear to God Elliot. I may not believe in hitting children but he calls her a bastard again and I'll slap him across the face so hard he'll be seeing stars for days!"

"I know. He won't," he assured her.

"Elliot, I don't want… I don't want her to ever feel like a mistake, like she shouldn't even be here. Like her mere existence is a wound to… to others. I don't want her getting bullied, getting called white trash because of her mother. I don't want…"

The tears, the sobs only got stronger until she couldn't even talk. Elliot took her in his arms. With one hand, he slipped his fingers in her hair and cradled her head. The other stroked her back soothingly. She sunk into his embrace and held onto him for dear life. She was remotely aware that she was soaking his shirt with her tears. But she couldn't stop the crying.

"She's not you Olivia," he said quietly.

He had seen right through her and she wasn't surprised. His voice was low in her ear. His breath was tickling her skin. The comfort was so strong and so foreign and so good and she felt herself cry even harder. She thought about the kids that only let themselves cry once in the warm embrace of their parent. Of their loved one.

"She's not you," he told her again. "Ella has two loving parents who think the world of her, and who would never let anyone hurt her. They'll come around, Olivia. But it's a lot for them to take in right now. They'll come around. And even if they don't, well then it's their loss, isn't it."

"She's not a mistake, Elliot," she whispered in his neck. "We were a mistake, she isn't."

He hugged her tighter and she finally felt herself relax.

"She's not a mistake," Elliot confirmed. "And neither were we. We had awful timing. But we're not a mistake, Liv."

That calmed her right down.

oooooooooo

Kathleen walked to her sister in the dining room. Maureen was standing next to the window, holding the curtain slightly open with a finger. Kathleen went to stand behind her, looking out at the same scene her sister was watching.

Her father was holding Olivia in his arms as the woman was visibly crying, her shoulders shaking with each sob.

"They're just good people who did a bad thing Maureen," Kathleen said quietly.

Maureen kept glaring at the adults outside, but her brow furrowed slightly and that was enough to tell Kathleen her sister had heard her. She put a hand on Maureen's arm and rested her head on the young woman's shoulder.

"I wish you had told me when you found out, Kath."

"You know I couldn't."

Maureen sighed but didn't make a move against her sister.

oooooooooo

Elizabeth went out to the backyard after her brother. She sat down in a chair and watched him kick a ball around.

"Come on Richard, don't be a prick about this," she told him.

"I can't believe you're actually defending them, Liz," he replied, pointing an accusing finger at her.

"I'm not! I'm not condoning what they did. I feel awful for what they did to mom. But what's done is done and nothing is going to change the past."

"Oh spare me your Miss Sunshine optimism, will you?"

"Go to hell, Rick. Now I'm going to go see my baby brother and sister bond, and get to know Ella. Whether you like it or not, she _is_ our baby sister. And she didn't ask to be put in the middle of this."

"I wish they had just stayed the hell away," he muttered.

"Well Kathleen didn't feel that way, and neither does dad. Or me for that matter," she told him. "Get over it or get out of here, Richard. For that little girl's sake."

"Well I was here way before her, so why doesn't she get the hell out of our life?"

"Oh my God, what are you five? Dad cheated on mom, okay? Not on you. And mom may be even more hurt and mad than us, but she's obviously okay with Ella being in our life. Or she wouldn't have left Eli come tonight."

She glared at her twin brother and went back inside. It wasn't the angry, dark glare his father had given him. But it still made him uncomfortable. Richard ran his hand through his hair and cursed.

oooooooooo

_We're not a mistake, Liv._ The words kept replaying in her mind as she stepped away from him. She wiped her cheeks and tried to forget his words. _We're not a mistake, Liv._ She didn't want to agree. She didn't want to feel that way.

"I'm okay," she finally said.

Her voice was hoarse from crying.

"Come on," he told her.

He put his hand on the small of her back and led her back to the house. She went to the powder room to try and hide the evidence of her crying. When she came out after a few minutes, she was stunned to see Elliot's four oldest children setting the dinner table. She stared at them, her mouth half open, her eyes watering again. One after one, they stopped what they were doing until they were all looking at her.

She played with her necklaces with a shaky hand.

"You're both staying for dinner, right?" Liz asked her coolly.

"If it's okay with you," she breathed out.

"Well you look like you're here to stay anyway, whether we like it or not," Richard replied.

"Rick," his twin muttered.

Olivia took a step toward him.

"You may not like it, you may not like me. That's fine. I get it. Insult me all you want, Richard. You won't be the first, you won't be the last. But you attack my daughter again, and you'll be lying on the floor, my knee in your back in a second," she glared at him menacingly. She took a step back to look at the four of them. "I apologize for what your father and I did. It was wrong and we shouldn't have let it happen. But we did. And I apologize for you only finding out about Ella now. But you're right, we're here now. So let's just try to get along, or at least pretend to."

She turned and saw Elliot standing against the doorframe, eyeing her. He gave her a brief nod before she left to go upstairs. She went to Eli's bedroom where she found him and Ella playing with construction blocks.

"Hi," she told the two siblings.

"Hi mommy!" Ella answered with a smile.

"Hi Olivia," Eli added more quietly.

"Are you okay?" she asked both of the kids.

They just nodded, their attention back on their game.

"Ella, baby? Why don't you come down with me, help your brother and sisters set the table?"

"Do I have to?" the girl answered.

"You do if you want to eat," Olivia told her with a small amused smile.

Eli took the little girl's hand and stood up.

"I'll come too," he told her.

She followed the two children downstairs. _Things will be okay_, she thought. Maybe not tonight. Maybe tonight would be the dinner from hell. But things would be okay sooner or later. Sooner rather than later she dared think.

Ella was waiting for her on the bottom of the stairs, asking to be picked up. She knew the little girl was still uncomfortable around her older siblings. Not that she could blame her. She placed her daughter on her hip and went to the kitchen through the dining-room. She stayed in the doorway, the revolving door half open against her back, and out of the very crowded room occupied by the five Stabler children. Maureen handed Ella two glasses and a bottle of wine to Olivia. She thanked her and went back to the living-room, putting the objects on the table.

"Where's Elliot?" she asked Liz when she went back to the kitchen.

"Backyard, grilling steaks," she answered.

"Do you mind if…" Olivia started.

"Want me to take Ella?" Liz asked.

"Do you mind?"

Elizabeth shook her head and handed her arms out to Ella.

"Come here, little sis," she told the little girl.

Olivia dropped a kiss on the girl's hair and handed her over to Liz, thanking the young woman. Then she left to find Elliot, walked in the backyard and over to him.

"Are you okay?" she asked him.

He turned around and took her in a hug again. She realized this one was more for his sake than for hers and hugged him back.

"I'm sorry," he told her.

"What?" she pulled away from him, confused.

"About leaving, about ignoring you, about dragging you into an affair in the first place," he answered.

She breathed out a soft, sad laugh and lowered her head.

"Well it's not like you seduced me, Elliot," she told him. "I don't know what I hated more: when you left or when you came back…" she whispered. "But I could have stopped it, should have stopped it. Except I didn't really want to, I guess."

He looked at her and nodded slightly. He took a step toward her.

"I'm still sorry about leaving without talking to you."

"Thank you," she whispered.

"It doesn't mean I've forgiven you quite yet," he said, narrowing his eyes at her.

"I know," she answered. "Will you? Forgive me I mean?"

"You fucking left, Liv. You took my kid. It might take a while. But I want to forgive you. I want to… I want you… I mean… I don't want us to fight, Olivia, not after four years of missing you, of wishing I had done things differently."

She stared at him in silence, taking in his words. She licked her lips and nodded slightly. She saw his eyes darken as they fell to her mouth and she swallowed hard. The corners of her lips twitched with a smile and she looked down between them.

"The steaks, El. They're going to burn," she told him.

"Oh shit," he cursed, turning back to the grill.

She watched him as he hurriedly flipped over the well-cooked steaks, dropping the spatula in the process. He bent to get it back and her eyes drifted down.

"You're staring at my ass," he guessed.

She heard the smile in his voice and laughed softly.

"Don't flatter yourself, Stabler."

She left and went back into the house where she was ambushed by Maureen.

"Are you and dad together, now?" she asked, more calmly than Olivia would have expected.

"No, we're not, Maureen. But it's not…"

"It might happen, right?"

Olivia didn't answer. _It might happen._ She didn't know if it might. She didn't know if she wanted it to. But in any case, the thought didn't make her panic quite so much. She just looked at the woman who nodded and left back to the kitchen. She went to the dining-room where her daughter spotted her and ran to her. She picked her up and sat down on a chair, the girl in her lap telling her about the salad she had helped Liz prepare and about Eli's cool remote controlled dinosaur.

"So you like it here, baby?" Olivia asked her daughter and held her breath for the answer.

"Yes. I like Eli, and Kathleen, and Liz," the girl said. "Eli said… Eli said I should call Elliot daddy, like him."

"Do you want to?"

"Kind of," she whispered.

"Then I think you should. I think Elliot would like that very much too."

Ella agreed and sunk back in her mother's embrace. The both of them enjoyed the quiet of the moment, unused to the turmoil of such a large family.

oooooooooo

Dinner had been awkward, to say the least. The silences had been heavy and tense, the conversations filled with pregnant pauses. Fortunately, the three year old and the six year old at the table had seemed good at lightning up the mood a bit. After their conversation, Olivia had spent the whole dinner waiting for the word "daddy" to cross Ella's lips. It hadn't. She hadn't pushed.

At one point, Liz had asked about their lives in San Francisco and she had felt Elliot tense up beside her. Elliot had seen the pictures of her life on the west coast. She knew it had only made it all the more real to him. She really had a life over there. Not just a lair where she had been hiding and licking her wounds.

Olivia had tried not to go on and on about San Francisco, but Ella hadn't felt the same. Elliot had been mostly silent, so had she. Maureen had only spoken when asked a question and Richard had just glared. Kathleen and Liz had tried to start up conversations but had soon grown tired of it.

By dessert, the table had been silent, Eli had been yawning and Ella had fallen asleep in her mother's lap.

Now the little girl was sleeping on the couch and Maureen had already left to drop Eli back at his mother's. Olivia was hastily cleaning up the now empty table. She was determined to leave before the rest of his children, not wanting to give them any wrong ideas about her and Elliot.

Richard came in and sat on the table right next to her. She ignored him until he spoke up.

"You lied to me, didn't you?" he told her.

"About making you eat the carpet? No," she answered.

"You know what I'm talking about. Years ago, when you were interrogating me at the police station, I asked you if you were sleeping with dad," he explained.

Not that he really had to. She remembered the day as well as he did.

"Yes, I did, Richard. I'm sorry about that," she admitted, still not looking at him.

"Let me guess, you wanted to protect dad and me, right?"

"Yes actually. That and I knew my captain was behind the two way glass," she explained with a chuckle.

"Is Dad planning on making an honest woman out of you?"

She did look at him this time. She stopped what she was doing and looked right at him.

"No, Richard, we're definitely _not_ getting married," she stated forcefully.

"Ok, I was just wondering. You know, since Dad married Mom because of Maureen," he muttered.

"Well don't worry about that. You won't ever have to call me your step-mom."

"Good," he glared at her.

She glared right back and left for the kitchen, rinsing out the sponge and leaving it next to the sink. She turned and almost walked straight in Richard.

"What now, _Rick_?" she asked, clearly getting annoyed.

"Look, I'm sorry ok. 'Bout what I said about you and Ella. She's a sweet enough kid and like Liz said, she didn't ask to be put in the middle of our messed up family," he apologized running a hand in his hair.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"That being said," he told her looking right at her with narrowed eyes, "we have every right to be pissed at you. And _you_ have absolutely no right to act rightful with us, Olivia. You gave up that right the first time you spread your legs for a married man."

She felt an immature urge to go slip her tongue down Elliot's throat just to piss Richard off. Instead she raised her chin and stared at him dead in the eyes.

"Go to hell, Richard."

She glared at him coldly and left for the living-room. She took her cell and called for a cab. She then went outside to the backyard where Elliot was cleaning the grill while Kathleen and Liz where sitting down, enjoying one last beer.

"Hey," she said quietly.

"Hey Olivia," Kathleen replied. "You're okay?"

"Fine. Look I just called a cab. It should be there in about fifteen minutes."

"I could have given you a ride to the city," Kathleen told her.

"Thank you, sweetie but that's okay."

"You should spend the night here, Liv," Elliot told her, not looking at her.

"No, that's okay, really."

"Hum, Olivia," Liz hesitated. "I was going to take Eli to the movies tomorrow evening. Maybe Ella could come too."

Olivia agreed with a small smile. Even if Liz had taken up to Ella immediately, she was still very weary towards Olivia. She said goodbye to the two young women and took a step towards Elliot. But the man turned and walked back into the house. She followed him.

He picked up the sleeping little girl from the couch, wrapped up the plaid around her and walked out of the room. For a second, she thought he was going to ignore her and put Ella to bed upstairs. Instead he walked out of the house and sat down on the step after the door, his daughter curled up against him. She sat down beside him in silence.

"I'm going to have dinner with Gavin tomorrow night," she told him quietly. "I'm only telling you that because I don't want you throwing a fit when you find out I'm going out with an old friend."

"Do what you want. You always do anyway," he muttered.

She sighed and rubbed her eyes. She saw the yellow cab pull up and stood up. She picked up her daughter from Elliot and looked at him.

"I'm tired, Elliot. I'll see you later," she told him before turning and walking over to the cab.

When the car drove off, she glanced back to see Elliot watching them leave, his arms limp at his sides. She closed her eyes briefly and looked away.

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><p><em>I said I'm not above begging and I'm really not: please please please review. Please... :)<em>


	8. Chapter 8

_Wow! I can't believe the feedback I got from last chapter. Thank you so so much for the reviews! As you see, it motivates both me and my beta to give you an update sooner rather than later. ;)_

_Thank you especially to the couple of people who said this fic wasn't just a regular kid!fic... Thank you so much because that is exactly what I was hoping to accomplish._

_And to all the EO shippers who keep asking for some lovin'... I can only hope this chapter will please you. :)_

_Once again, thousand thanks to Mariah, my beta!_

_Now, on with the show!_

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><p>In the morning, Olivia had ordered up breakfast from room service and had gone to the bathroom to get ready for the day. Still in her robe, she went to answer the knock on the door and was stunned to see Kathy Stabler looking back at her.<p>

"I'm sorry, I know it's early. I was just… in the city, and…" the woman started to explain, staring at her with wide eyes.

"Please, come on in Kathy," Olivia finally said.

She almost felt wrong just saying Elliot's ex-wife's name.

She hadn't closed the door when the bellboy showed up with the breakfast cart. She tipped him and walked back into the room. Kathy was standing in the middle of the room, looking around. Her hands were closed firmly on the handle of her purse.

She looked up at Olivia.

"Kathleen told me where you were. She doesn't think it's a good idea for me to be here, but…" Kathy told her.

"I'm sorry, Kathy," Olivia breathed out.

"Don't. Don't, Olivia," her voice was low and her glare angry. "I'm not here for an apology. I don't want an apology. I trusted you with my husband's life for twelve years. At times I resented you because he could share so much with you that he couldn't with me. But I trusted you, the both of you."

"Elliot loved you. Loves you."

"Yes, I know. He loves me because I'm the mother of his children. However, he's been in love with you for years, just because you're _you_. You're… _Olivia,_" she said and her name was almost a whisper, like a dirty word that shouldn't be uttered. "And now you're also the mother of his child. And that's why I'm here."

Olivia frowned but kept quiet, still looking at Kathy.

"Elliot's life has always been all about his children, Olivia," the woman carried on. "I'm here to ask you not to keep him away from his daughter, and to not keep my children from their sister. I don't care if it's hard for you. But you slept with my husband and you had his child. Now you face the consequences and you raise her where her family can know her."

She didn't say a word. She kept her eyes set on the woman.

"Mommy?"

She turned to the sleepy voice and went to pick up her daughter. She turned back to Kathy who was staring at the little girl.

"Hey, baby. This is Kathy," she explained to the little girl.

"Hi," Ella greeted shyly.

"Hi," Kathy answered quietly. "I should go," she added.

Olivia nodded and left the woman leave without another word.

"What she wanted?" Ella asked.

"She just wanted to say hi, baby"

Mother and daughter had breakfast and got ready for their day, which consisted in a picnic on Liberty Island before a movie with her brother and sister for Ella and dinner with Gavin for Olivia.

oooooooooo

They were back in their hotel by four. She put Ella down for a short nap and curled up in a chair to read. An hour later, she went to answer the knocking on the door and was surprised to see Elliot standing behind Liz and Eli. She greeted them and let them in. She went to wake up Ella and came back a couple of minutes after. The little girl followed her, rubbing her eyes.

"Hi Ella," Liz told the girl. "I hope you're not too tired for the movies."

"Huh huh," Ella answered, shaking her head vigorously.

Olivia squatted down before her daughter and took her head between her hands.

"You have fun, Ella, and you be good okay?" she told the girl. "And I'll pick you up from Elliot's later tonight. I love you, baby," she said, hugging her daughter.

Ella returned the love and went over to her sister and brother. Liz, Eli and Ella left the room and Elliot stayed after them.

"Well, have fun on your date. And Ella can always spend the night at my place if the date gets really fun, you know," he told her with sarcasm.

"Screw you, Elliot."

She closed the door in his face and leaned against it. She closed her eyes and sighed. _One step forward, twelve steps back_, she thought. She felt torn between being sad or angry at Elliot. He had no right on her. He'd never had any right on her but it had never stopped him from acting possessive over the years. It had always pissed her off. But she had also felt amused or even flattered at times. Not this time.

She thought about calling off her dinner with Gavin. She wasn't sure what she expected from him anyway, what she wanted. She still wasn't sure whether or not she was coming back to New York. But she had to admit she was thinking more and more about that possibility. Kathy's words were still ringing in her ears. But even if she did move back, it didn't mean she was going to fall back into Gavin's arms. A lot had happened since they had broken up. Elliot being the main one.

Having Elliot back in her life had her confused about what she wanted. She had come to New York in order for Ella to meet her family. She should have expected that her feelings for Elliot would flare back up. They had never really gone away in the first place.

Elliot had been under her skin for years, long before Ella, long even before they had first slept together. Gitano had been when she had first realized how much they were really intertwined. How deep he was already in her.

Her life had never been defined by stability. But that was what she'd had for the past years with Ella. Now she was back on unsteady grounds. Being a parent with Elliot was new and had her more shaky than ever.

She finally pulled away from the door, went to the bathroom and started the shower. She would keep her date with Gavin, she decided. She would also make clear to him that it was nothing more than a friendly dinner. Then she would try and find a way to be friends with Elliot.

oooooooooo

The car pulled up in front of the house and she undid her seat belt. She turned to Gavin with a smile.

"I had a great time, Gav," she told him.

"Me too, Olivia. And don't wait too long before changing your mind about me. I won't be single forever, you know," he replied teasingly.

She laughed and shook her head lightly.

"Thank you, Gavin," she said when she leaned to kiss him on the cheek.

He returned the thanks and they both knew it didn't have anything to do with dinner, but more to do with what they had done for each other. She had helped him get over his late wife. He had cared for her and her daughter when there had been no man in their lives. She gave him one last smile before getting out of the car.

She watched him drive away before walking to the house. She knocked at the door and Elliot opened it. He nodded at her and let her in. He eyed her up and down briefly. She then saw him glance outside and she rolled her eyes.

"Gavin dropped me off, ok. I'll take a cab back," she told him. "Look, maybe it _is_ your business now, so I'm going to make it very clear. I'm not getting back together with Gavin. But he is a friend, okay? So drop it now. I get enough crap from your son without having to take it from you too."

"What? What did Dick say?" he asked furrowing his brow while closing the door behind them.

"Nothing. Forget it. How did it go tonight?"

"Great. How was your evening?" he asked her, causing her to arch an eyebrow at him.

"It was nice," she told him carefully.

"You look… you look nice, Liv," he complimented and slipped his hands in his pockets.

The ghost of a smile flowed on her face and she crossed her arms, her silver wrap falling in the crook of her elbows. She saw his eyes drop to the draped neckline of her burgundy dress and she bit down on her lip.

"Is that an actual compliment, or is that you being a prick again?" she asked.

"I mean it, Liv. Come on, have a beer with me," he jerked his chin to the end of the hallway.

She glanced upwards.

"Ella's asleep?" she checked.

"Yes, I set up a bed for her in the guest room upstairs. Eli's in bed too. I have him for the weekend."

He left for the kitchen and she hesitated for a few seconds. Even a simple beer seemed a loaded option with Elliot. She accepted anyway and followed him. She found him already on the couch, his legs crossed at the ankles. He handed her a beer and she went to grab it. She sat down next to him, carefully leaving enough room between the two of them. They both drank their beer in silence for a few minutes.

"I never took you out on a date," he finally said, his voice low and soft.

"That's because we never dated, Elliot. I guess we jumped through a few hoops, huh?" she breathed out in a laugh.

"I want to go out on a date with you, Liv," he told her. "I want to wine and dine you and I want to kiss you goodnight. I want you to put on a sexy dress and think of me when you do."

"Elliot…" she whispered.

Her heart was so far up in her throat she was surprised she had even managed to say his name. Her grip tightened on her beer bottle.

"I'm not asking, Olivia. I'm just telling you what I want."

"We don't work, Elliot. We're dysfunctional, co-dependent and unhealthy," she answered.

"You're wrong. You're wrong, Olivia," he replied. "We're screwed up, you and me, we're screwed up people. But you and me together… I don't know, we just… we fit, Olivia."

She slipped off her heels and he looked at her legs as she tucked them under her. She pulled her dress down on her thighs. She set an arm on the back of the couch and rested her head in her hand, looking at Elliot.

"You're the best friend and the best partner I've ever had, Liv," he said.

"Well you're not my partner anymore, El. You're…"

"The father of your child," he answered, squaring his shoulders and puffing out his chest.

Her chin fell on her chest in a breathy laugh. When she looked up, he was watching her with curiosity.

"What?" he asked her.

"Why do you look like you get a kick out of saying that?"

"Because I do get a kick out of it, it makes me proud. Sue me," he told her, a bit defensive.

She laughed again and slipped closer to Elliot until her bent knees were almost in his lap. She nudged his shoulder with hers and folded her hands in her lap.

"We're also not really friends anymore, are we?" she said sadly after a silence. "I'm glad Kathleen found me, though."

"Would you have ever told me about her if she hadn't?"

"Probably not until she'd have asked."

She felt the tension in his shoulders but it went away as soon as it appeared. He rested his hand on her thigh and her leg twitched slightly at the contact. His thumb brushed against her and she wished she wasn't wearing nylons. He played with the hem of her dress.

"Are you ever going to get past it?" she asked and it was more out of concern than annoyance.

"Are you going to let me be in her life?"

"Yes of course, Elliot. I didn't just come here for a quick hello," she assured him.

"I mean, are you going to take her back to the other side of the country?" he asked more forcefully.

She straightened a bit and his hand left her thigh. She gripped at the hem of her dress and lowered her head.

"Kathy came to see me this morning," she told him.

"What?" he exclaimed.

He stood straighter and looked down at her.

"Kathy came to see you?" he asked again.

"Relax, there was no hair pulling or eye clawing," her answer made him chuckle. "She told me that she didn't care how I felt about it but that I had to move back to New York."

"They're treating like crap, aren't they," he told her softly.

"You know I'll take everything they throw at me as long as they keep Ella out of it."

"You always think you deserve every crap that comes your way. Why is that?"

She sighed and grabbed a cushion to hug against her stomach.

"What did Richard say to you?" he asked again.

"He called me a whore, isn't that enough?"

"And he won't do that again. Are you protecting him from me?"

"Look, I'm already the bad guy here. I'm not going to rat out on him to his father too."

"Liv… No matter what you think, you're still owed some respect," he insisted.

"Drop it, El," she told him.

"I don't know if it's because of your mother, of your childhood, but you never think you're owed anything, you never want to ask for anything…"

"Elliot, stop it," she almost begged.

"You always think you're to blame for all the shit that happens around you. You're scared of change because you always see how bad things could turn out and you refuse to see the good. You think you're never worth more than what you have. Well, you're wrong, Liv. You're worth much more than you want to believe. And screw your mother for never realizing that."

"Elliot," she whispered.

"And screw me for forgetting you were worth a goodbye, at the very least, when I lost my shit."

She curled further against him and briefly leaned her head on his shoulder. Her empty beer bottle fell on the floor and rolled away. She closed her eyes against the tears. She breathed out and straightened up again. She brushed a hand on her dress and his eyes followed the movement.

"Your family has the right to blame me, Elliot. But you and I… we should try and be friends," she said softly.

"I've spent the last few years," he started after a moment of silence, "looking for you in every crowd, comparing every woman with you. Every day I would wonder where you were, whether I should try and find you, whether you missed me as much as I missed you. Some days I would beat me over the head for leaving you in the first place. Other days I would get so… furious… at you for running away. Again."

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"You have got to stop running away. It's been your MO for too long. It ends now, Olivia," he told her.

She didn't answer and stayed silent for a while.

"We were in Central Park the other day," she finally spoke up, "Ella and me, and she was playing around the jungle gym with other kids. I looked down for one second, to put my phone back in my purse, and when I looked up I couldn't see her anymore. I freaked out. I completely panicked. I thought about all the statements we took, the mothers we interviewed, the kids we lost… Turned out she was just down in the bushes getting a soccer ball back."

She waited in silence for a second and listened to Elliot's breathing.

"I'm not saying San Francisco doesn't have a dark side," she continued, "but I don't know it. New York on the other hand, I know New York's dark side way too much. Every street, every alley is tainted with blood and tears and fluids that shouldn't be there. And I… I don't know how you did it Elliot, raising your kids here, seeing what you see every day. I don't know if I can do it."

"Olivia…"

The way he spoke her name, soft and affected, made her shiver.

"Let me finish Elliot," she asked him. "It's not about running away anymore, or about me being afraid of change," she said harshly. "I just want safety and stability for Ella. I just want what's best for her."

"You can find that right here, Olivia," he said and got up. "San Francisco is safer for you, not for Ella."

He stood with his back to her and she saw him rub his forehead.

"You're here because you don't have a choice," he told her without looking at her. "But every time Ella gets closer to me, you pull her back in and away from me. I mean, she calls me Elliot because that's the only way you ever refer to me," he said harshly.

She hesitated. She knew he had a point and would not do him the insult of denying it.

"I'm sorry. It's just… It's been just me and Ella for over three years and… Yeah maybe I panic when I see her already so willing to forget about San Francisco to get closer to you," she admitted.

"That's not something to panic about, Olivia," he said, turning to face her. "That's a good thing." He lowered his voice and stepped closer to her. Her focus shifted briefly to his mouth. "But you think it's easier to be alone because that's all you've ever known. Except you're not alone now, and you'll never be alone again. That's something you're going to get used to. And then you'll see how much of a good thing it really is."

He gave her a hard look and turned away. He picked up her beer bottle from the floor and left for the kitchen. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear with a shaky hand. She looked around the room briefly before following him.

The alarm bells went off in her head. She ignored them.

When she got to the kitchen, she walked up to him and stopped right behind him. She brushed her hand lightly over his back and pressed her mouth to his shoulder. He turned to her with a startled look. She gazed at him through her lashes and rose on her toes. She hesitated briefly before urging her lips against his. He froze for a fraction of a second before returning the kiss. Her lips parted in a moan and he slipped his tongue in her mouth. She sneaked a hand in the waistband of his jeans while the other grabbed a fistful of his shirt in the back.

He turned her and pressed her against the counter. He grabbed a handful of her hair and attacked her mouth urgently. His hand moved down her spine until he was cupping her ass.

"God, Liv," he muttered.

She whimpered in his mouth. He drew his hand down her leg until he grabbed her thigh and pushed her up on the counter. He spread her legs to get between hers, not letting go of her lips. He moved a hand far up under her dress until his thumb was brushing at her inner thigh.

"Elliot," his name came out in a gasp.

She slipped her hand out of his pants and gripped the edge of the counter. Her other hand grabbed his on her thigh. She broke the kiss and let her forehead fall on his shoulder. She breathed heavily and tried to ignore the urgent need to put her hand down between her own legs and find some release to the throbbing there. Instead she wrapped her legs around him and brought him closer to her center.

"Elliot… God I shouldn't have done that."

He brushed his thumb on her skin again and he was so, so close to her panties. She whimpered again at the contact and she wished she didn't sound so needy. She wished she wasn't already so wet. Then again, she also could feel his erection against her thigh and there was no doubt he wanted her just as badly.

"I shouldn't have done that, Elliot."

"Is that what you meant when you said we should try and be friends? Not that I'm complaining," he said softly. "Do you want… do you want to move?" he then asked.

"Not right now," she answered in his shoulder.

"Don't trust your legs?" he joked lightly.

She laughed against him and kicked the heel of her foot against his thigh. It only brought him closer and she breathed out.

"God I've missed you, Liv."

"Why, none of your hot dates measured up?" she asked him.

He dropped a light kiss behind her ear and she raised her hips the slightest bit so that she rubbed against him. She closed her eyes.

"No, no they didn't."

"And just how many women did you date Elliot?"

She tried to ignore his hot kisses in her neck but her head rolled slightly to give him better access.

"Is it your turn to get jealous?" he teased her.

"Oh please. I'm not jealous, just curious."

"Did you ever wonder… did you ever wonder what would have happened if I hadn't been married when we met?" he asked instead.

She sighed and turned her head into his neck, kissing his skin lightly.

"Maybe I wouldn't be 63 at my kid's high school graduation," she joked half-heartedly.

She raised her head enough to kiss his jaw up to his mouth.

"Come on, move now. I think I've got the use of my legs back," she told him with a smirk.

She pushed him away and jumped down on the floor. He stopped her with a hand around her arm.

"Stay here tonight. You can take the other spare bed in the guest room if you want. Just… stay here tonight."

She agreed softly and they both went upstairs. She followed him to his bedroom and watched him as he rummaged through a drawer, thinking back on their conversation.

"Why did you?" she asked to his back. "Why did you leave without a word?"

"I killed a child, Olivia," he answered, still not looking at her. "I killed a child because she pulled a gun on you and I was terrified I was finally going to lose you."

She had asked the question. She hadn't been quite prepared for the answer.

"Elliot," she started in a whisper. "Jenna… she had shot Sister Peg, she would have shot down the whole precinct if someone hadn't stopped her. I'm sorry it had to be you."

He walked up to her with clothes in his arms.

"In my mind, I had chosen you over a civilian again, Olivia. Over a child. I had to… get away. I didn't want to think about the job for a while, or about you. I thought… I wasn't sure if I could separate the job from you anymore, if I could see you without feeling Jenna's blood seep through my fingers… But I dealt with it. And when I came back, I had decided I didn't want you as a partner anymore, Liv. I wanted to finally legally end a marriage that had been over for a long time. And I wanted to ask you out," he explained.

"You talk a lot…"

"What do you mean?"

"You… communicate. More than you used to."

"Well, I've had time to think about these words."

She swallowed the lump in her throat. He walked up closer to her and she took the clothes from him. She started to turn away but he grabbed her by the elbow. She looked at him.

"I'll get over your running away, Olivia," he told her softly. "I want you in my life. I want you here in New York. But I'm not sure I can… I'm not sure I want to be friends, Liv. I mean, just…"

"I know," she answered.

She held his eyes for a surprisingly comfortable silence. She wasn't sure she wanted to be friends either. She wasn't sure she should want to be more. She saw his eyes drop to her mouth and she looked down. She nodded slightly and left the room.

Sleep would not come easy tonight…

* * *

><p><em>Don't worry there's more EO coming up! In the meantime, let me know what you think! I live for your reviews. ;)<em>


	9. Chapter 9

****_Dear, dear readers..._

_Dare I apologize for this long, too long delay? I dare. Sorry! Life, among other things, kind of got in way. I hope this (slightly) longer chapter will make up for it. _

_A few little things: this chapter ended up being unbeta-ed... As english is not my first language, I'm sure I let a few mistakes slip by. I apologize for that. I'm still looking for a beta, if anyone is motivated. ;)_

_Another thing: as I said previously, this chapter is rated M, as will the rest of the story be. Sorry to those who don't like smut. To those who do, I hope I won't disappoint. _

_In anycase, thank you so much for your supportive reviews!_

* * *

><p>Olivia was woken up by her daughter lightly shaking her up.<p>

"Mommy, Mommy, wake up," the girl said in her ear.

Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled lazily at the girl who looked to be wearing one of Eli's pajamas. Olivia shifted on her side and moved on the bed until her back was against the wall. She patted the mattress and her daughter slipped in next to her.

"Why are we here, mommy?" she asked her mother.

"Y'were 'lready in bed when I got back. Didn't wanna wake you up," she slurred, still half asleep.

"It was really fun yesterday with Eli and Liz. We eated popcorn and the movie was real funny, and after we came here and we played football outside and Liz readed to us…"

Olivia chuckled and kissed Ella's head.

"That's really nice sweetie."

There was a knock on the door and Olivia raised herself on an elbow. She rubbed her eyes with her other hand. The door opened after a second and Elliot stopped when he saw them.

"Morning girls," he smiled at them.

"Morning!" Ella exclaimed, sitting up on the bed.

"Breakfast's ready," he told them.

"Go on, go with daddy," Olivia said to the girl, lightly pushing her off the bed.

Olivia threw a quick glance at Elliot and saw his lips twitch in a small smile at the mention of the word "daddy". Ella quickly kissed her mother on the cheek and bolted from the room and downstairs. Elliot stared at Olivia a while longer. He laughed softly.

"What?" she asked defensively.

"You look cute with bed hair."

She rolled her eyes and waited for him to leave the room before getting out of bed. She went to the bathroom and took a look at herself in the mirror. She wiped out the mascara stain under her eyes. She ran her hand through her hair and picked up some toothpaste on her finger to rub it on her teeth and gums.

When she was done, she went downstairs and to the dining-room. She greeted Eli, dropped a kiss on Ella's head and went to the kitchen.

"The first thing we do today is go to the hotel," she told Elliot when she walked in.

He turned to her with a slight smirk and raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"I need to change, so does Ella," she told him with a glare.

"You look good enough for me," he said, eyeing her up and down.

"Oh, give me a break," she groaned.

She lowered her head to hide a small grin. She grabbed the hem of the boxers she was wearing to pull them down on her bare thighs and tugged on the blue shirt. He walked up close to her with his arms stretched out on either side of him. He was carrying a pan in one hand and the coffee pot in another.

"First time I've ever made you breakfast, Liv," he said softly and almost apologetic.

"I hope it's good," she answered with a small smile.

"You're not panicking," he noted.

"Not right now," she reassured him.

They shared a quiet look before she turned to go back to the living-room. She saw Ella crawling up on the table to reach for the box of cereals next to Eli. She picked up the girl by the waist and sat her back down.

"Ella, can't you just ask for the cereals?" she told her daughter with a sigh.

Elliot smirked and she shook her head with a smile. No, she wasn't panicking.

oooooooooo

After breakfast, Elliot and Eli got ready while Olivia picked up hers and her daughter's things from the previous day. Elliot then drove them all to the hotel where it was the girls' turn to get washed and dressed. Elliot went to get an outfit from Ella's room and laid it on her bed.

He was watching television with his son when Ella ran out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. She waved at them with a giggle and Elliot told her to put on the clothes he had picked out. She was quickly done and she called Eli to come play with her. Elliot stood up and went to the bathroom door.

"You almost done in there?" he asked Olivia.

The door opened almost immediately and she stepped out in her robe.

"Please tell me you didn't pick out clothes for _me_ to wear," she told him with a smirk.

"I'd pick out _nothing _for you to wear," he answered.

She smirked, got her clothes and went back to the bathroom. When she came out a few minutes, she was wearing dark blue jeans and a light blue sweater. She put on beige boots and grabbed a beige coat from the back of a chair.

"Now I'm done," she told him before calling the kids to leave.

oooooooooo

Liz met them at the American Museum of Natural History and she took the lead of the visit. She acted rather coldly towards the two adults but was all smiles for her siblings. While the young woman kept the children entertained, Elliot and Olivia walked a few steps behind them. She saw Elliot looking tensely at his older daughter.

"She'll forgive you, you know," she said.

"I hope so..." he sighed.

She bumped his shoulder with hers and squeezed his hand briefly.

"She's going to make a great teacher," Olivia told him.

"Yeah," he answered with his proud daddy smile.

She was glad to see his worry slipping away for a while.

"Does Richard know what he wants to do?"

Elliot groaned and she turned her head to look at him.

"Not a cop?" she asked and raised an eyebrow.

"No, worse," he muttered and she grinned.

"Don't tell me he wants to be a lawyer?"

"I'm hoping he's still in this phase where he just wants to piss me off."

She laughed softly and brushed her hair away from her face.

"Well he's certainly mouthy enough for a lawyer," she said.

He looked at her and she lowered her head. She knew he was itching to ask again about what Richard had told her. He didn't though. She moved away from him when Liz and the kids stopped to wait for them.

They spent the morning at the museum then went outside to the nearby park for lunch. Liz left after but the four of them were planning on going back later for the dinosaurs exhibition that Eli was dying to see.

For now, Elliot and Olivia were sitting down on a bench, watching the two children play together with a football Elliot had gotten out of the car. He was a few good inches away from her, but his arm was behind her on the back of the bench. They were silent for long minutes.

"I've been thinking," Olivia finally started, "I'm going to go back to San Francisco tomorrow."

He didn't make a sound but moved his arm away. She looked at him from the corner of her eyes.

"Would you let me finish before you blow a fuse?" she told him with an annoyed sigh. "I'm going to go back to San Francisco. And I'm going to leave Ella with you, if it's okay with you of course."

She saw him turn slightly to her but she didn't move. She breathed out.

"And then I'm going to hand in my resignation, put the house up for sale, start looking for a place here. I thought maybe you and Ella could come to San Francisco next weekend, help me finish packing… We could have a small party so that Ella can say goodbye, you know. And then, we'll come back here."

Only when she was done, did she turn to him. She looked into his red-rimmed eyes and her heart caught in her throat.

"Are you sure?" he asked softly.

She nodded and looked at Ella and Eli. Yes, actually, she was sure of her decision. She wasn't even that surprised at her lack of hesitation.

"Thank you," he said.

"I was also thinking that maybe it would be better for Ella and me to spend the night at your place. It would save a trip tomorrow morning."

"We'll drop by the hotel later to pick up your bags and check you out," he agreed.

"Daddy!" Eli called out. "Come play with us."

"Yes daddy! Come play! Mommy too," Ella added.

Elliot was about to stand up when he heard Ella and froze. He turned to Olivia and she returned his smile. She squeezed his hand and stood up.

"Come on, old man," she teased. "Let's play football."

After about twenty minutes of a children-vs-parents game Olivia took Ella apart while Elliot did the same with his son. She sat the girl down on the bench and ran a hand in her hair. She told her about her plans for the following week and after. Ella hesitated before agreeing.

"But you come back with us after?" the girl asked quietly.

"Of course, baby. I'm already going to miss you so much for just these few days. You don't think I'm going to live in San Francisco without you, do you? So is it okay with you, moving to New York?"

"Can Barney come too?"

Olivia laughed softly and agreed.

"Then yes, we can come live here with daddy," Ella declared.

Olivia froze for a second and didn't move when Ella hugged her. But when the girl went to run to the boys, Olivia stopped her and sat her back down, telling her that Elliot was talking to Eli. The girl nodded and kicked her legs in the air. She waited in silence until Elliot and Eli came back. Olivia pushed her daughter lightly on the back and suggested that she go back to play with her brother. Elliot sat down next to her, closer than before, and put his arm behind her again. They watched the kids talk while slowly passing the ball between them.

"Is he okay with all of that?" she asked Elliot.

"Yeah, yeah he's okay," he answered. "He likes her, for now anyway. When they start bickering, that's when we'll know they've really bonded as brother and sister," he said.

He turned to her with a smirk and she chuckled.

"How about Ella?" he wondered.

"She was worried we'd leave Barney behind, but as long as I'm bringing him back with me, she's fine. There's just one thing though…"

"What?" he asked with a frown.

"I think… I think she thinks we're all going to be leaving together," Olivia said softly, tucking her hair behind her ear, her head down.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. He stood up and went to the kids.

"Hey, ready for the dinosaurs?" he asked them.

Her brows furrowed slightly but she followed them in silence.

oooooooooo

Afterwards, they went back to the hotel. Eli sat in front of the TV while Elliot helped Ella pack her suitcase and Olivia took care of hers. She was gathering her things from the bathroom when Elliot walked in and leaned against the wall, his arms crossed on his chest.

"You're done with Ella's things?" she asked him.

"Yes. She's watching TV with Eli now," he told her.

She moved around the room to pick various items all the while trying to ignore his hard stare. After a few minutes, she threw some things in her vanity case with an annoyed sigh and turn to him. She placed a hand next to the sink, the other on her hip.

"What was that earlier?" she asked him. "In the park? You got spooked when I mentioned Ella thinking we'd be living together."

"I didn't get spooked, Liv," he told her. "I just wasn't in the mood to see you freak out."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked with a hard glare.

"It means I'm fucking terrified you're going to run away," he said, his voice low and harsh.

"I told you I'm moving back here. I have no intention of taking Ella away," she answered with a confused frown.

"I don't mean it literally."

His head came to rest against the wall and his mind was suddenly far away. She watched him in silence for a few minutes before sighing again.

"Aren't you going to explain?" she asked.

His eyes came slowly back to her face. She shifted under his gaze.

"I told you what I want, Olivia," he told her. "But I'm afraid you're going to bolt if you think I'm pushing or as soon as you think you're getting in too deep."

"Elliot…"

He interrupted her with a raised hand.

"When I heard you had left," he continued "I was seething. I asked Cragen, Casey, Munch, Fin… No one knew where you were and they all told me to let it go. Over the years, I thought about finding you, many times. But I thought maybe you just needed a little more time and you'd come back. Sometimes I thought I never wanted to see you again anyway. And sometimes I thought I would lock you in my house so that you could never leave again. Now I just want to make you see what we could be and not be afraid of it. I want Ella to be right about us leaving together. Because I'm afraid if we don't, you'll move on without giving us a real chance."

He looked at her while she stood there in silence, taking in his words.

"This is insane," she finally whispered. "We're insane. We went from partners, to lovers, to strangers, to parents… Now you just want me to move in so we can all end up a happy family? You're still furious with me and I'm still pissed at you."

She glared at him. He let his arms fall at his sides and he walked up close to her.

"I'm so fucking scared of losing you again. Not to mention that my gut twists just thinking about you with another man," he told her, getting a glare in return. "And you're afraid…"

"This is not about me being afraid, Elliot. It's about being realistic."

"The reality is…" His breath was warm on her face. "We've never been able to move on from each other, Olivia. Maybe there's a reason for that. It's not the first time you've hurt me Liv. I've always gotten over it. I've never gotten over you."

She swallowed tears. She thought maybe he was going to kiss her. She was torn between letting him and pulling away. So she didn't move.

Small fingers came knocking on the door and Eli called for his dad. She released a shaky breath.

"Just a minute, Eli," he asked his son while rubbing a hand on his mouth.

He left and she turned away to pick up her things. When she walked back into the room, the two kids were having a nasty pillow fight. Elliot came from Ella's room with her suitcase and set it on the floor next to the door.

"Hey, hey, kids!" she called out.

She was promptly ignored by both Ella and Eli. She glanced at Elliot who just shook his head with a slight smirk.

"They're bonding," he told her as though he was talking to a child.

She glared at him before going to place her toiletries in her suitcase. She closed it and placed it next to Ella's. She caught the little girl by the waist and pulled her away from her brother.

"Alright, let's go," she declared.

oooooooooo

Back at the house, Ella followed Eli to the living-room where Elliot had allowed him to play on the computer for a half hour. Meanwhile, their father brought the suitcases to the guest room and Olivia followed him upstairs. He set the baggage down, took a look at the two undone beds and snorted.

"What's so funny?" Olivia asked.

"You're as messy as a three year old," he told her pointing at the evidence.

"See, you don't want me as a roommate," she said with a small apologetic smile.

He walked up to her with a hard look on his face.

"Well that's a shitty excuse if I've ever heard one."

She leaned against the wall and slipped her hands in her pockets. She watched him step closer to her until he was inches from her face.

"You just want it all," she said quietly. "You've always wanted it all."

"What's wrong with that?"

"It doesn't work. You can't have it all."

"Who says?" he asked with an angry jerk of the chin.

"Experience… Elliot, we may have a child together, but it doesn't mean we can be a couple."

"No, that's just you being afraid again. What's the worst that could happen, Liv? We break up? Fine, then we go back to being parents and… hopefully friends."

She ignored how her heart constricted at the mere mention of them breaking up.

"Think of Ella. She already has to adjust to so much: new city, new family… I can't have her get used to mommy and daddy living together if it's for us to separate after a month."

"Give the kid some credit, will you. Look at Eli, all the shit Kathy and I went through… He's still a happy, well-adjusted boy."

His hands came to rest on the wall, one right next to her head, the other waist-high.

"Your world is not going to fall apart just because you try for more," he told her.

"What makes you think I even want more?" she offered.

He tilted his head to the right and glared at her. Then he leaned to brush his lips against hers. He pulled away before making contact and looked into her eyes.

"Who are you trying to kid, Liv?"

"You know, _this…_" she said and pressed a thigh against his crotch. He hissed. "_This _is not a good enough reason for me to move in."

"It is pretty good, though. And it's the not the only reason."

"The only other reason is Ella. I mean, how can you want… how can you want me when you can't even forgive me yet?"

"God…" he groaned. "Take the blinders off, Olivia."

She heard what he was saying. Really, she did. After years of keeping her head buried in the sand, his words were even too loud in her mind.

She got lost into his eyes. She allowed herself to think about it, to imagine it. A life with him and Ella. She closed her eyes and kissed him. When she pulled away and opened her eyes again, he was watching her intently. She held her breath for a few seconds, as if waiting for the ground to open under her feet.

It didn't.

So she kissed him again. He opened his lips against hers and she slipped her tongue in his mouth. She placed a hand on his hip and hooked a thumb in his jeans. Her other fingers grazed his ass over his pants. He moved his hands and slipped them up under her shirt and around her stomach until his thumbs were brushing the skin just under her bra. She slipped an arm around his waist and grabbed his shirt. He pressed a leg between hers.

"God, Elliot," she gasped when he brushed a thumb on her nipple.

He had her crushed against the wall and her breasts ached from the pressure. Her hands fell to his zipper and a voice far in the back of her mind told her to stop. But he was cupping her ass and she thought it might actually bruise. Not that she cared.

She remembered the two children downstairs and really, they should stop. She should tell him to stop. But before she realized it, he had her pants unbuttoned and she had his shirt wide open. Her hands were under it, clinging at his back and when he slipped a hand in her panties she dug her nails into his skin. She whimpered and writhed and pushed her hips against him. He scraped his teeth and licked at the soft flesh behind her ear. He cupped her and his other hand moved up her leg and her side until he was grabbing her breast and flicking his thumb over her hard nipple.

His open mouth swallowed her cry when he pushed two fingers into her.

His thumb brushed her clit and she bit down on his shoulder. He pulled his fingers out before pushing them back deep in her. She hitched a leg up around his waist and he let go of her breast to grab her thigh. He spread his fingers in her in a scissor motion and his thumb circled and rubbed her clit. She scratched his back and it really didn't matter that she might actually draw blood. He moaned her name in her ear. He curled his fingers in her and her inner walls clenched around them as she hit her climax. She cried out his name in a curse and threw her head back until it hit the wall with a thump.

They stayed like this for long seconds, their heavy breaths the only sounds in the room.

Then she felt his fingers slip out and the cold slip in. Her head fell on his shoulder and she put her leg down. She turned her head inwards and lightly kissed the flushed skin of his neck.

She moved to close her still shaky legs and she brushed against his crotch. He hissed. He was still painfully hard and she almost wanted to apologize. Instead, she kissed his neck again and her hands moved to his belt. He stopped her before she could take it off.

"Liv," he hissed. "Don't, not now."

She raised her head to look at him. He had a slight smirk on his face.

"Elliot…"

She pushed her hips forward to press against him. She didn't care that she might be coming off as a wanton. She wasn't done. She needed more. She wanted more. She wanted him and him in her.

"Liv…" he said.

His voice was strangled and a smile tugged at her lips.

"Liv… the kids…"

"Right, right…"

She nodded in silence and stepped away from him. He ran a hand over his mouth. She turned her head towards the door and back to him.

"Go," he told her softly. "I'll be down in a minute."

She breathed out a laugh and lowered her head at the double meaning of his words. He watched her blush and smiled. She glanced up at him from behind her eyelashes and gave him a nod of the head. She turned away and went downstairs.

She went to the downstairs bathroom to quickly wash herself up and walked into the living-room. Eli was still on the computer and Ella was sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table. She looked up from her coloring and smiled at her mother.

"Hey baby," Olivia said, sitting down on the couch next to the girl. "How're you doing?"

"Good. But I don't like Eli's game."

"So he gave you some paper and crayons? That was nice of him."

The girl nodded without looking up. Olivia curled up on the couch, watching her daughter.

"Ten more minutes, Eli," Elliot told his son when he came down and checked on him.

She glanced up at him when he crossed the room to go in the kitchen. She didn't follow him. A few minutes after, she looked up to see him stuck his head out of the kitchen door.

"Off the computer Eli," he told his son.

He was back a few seconds after.

"Or I take your games away all day tomorrow," he threatened.

She chuckled when she heard the boy sigh. Soon, he was sitting next to Ella, coloring with her.

Afterwards they all helped set the table and ate dinner together. It was nice and easy. Olivia smiled but lowered her eyes every time she crossed Elliot's. Elliot then locked up the house and they all sat down on the couch to watch a movie.

Now the end music was playing over the credits and the two children were long asleep. Without a word, Olivia picked up Ella and Elliot took Eli to carry them upstairs and into their respective beds.

That's when the tension returned.

They shared an unsure look and went downstairs. They both walked into the kitchen, got a beer each and uncapped it. Olivia left to go to the backyard and Elliot followed her, sitting down on the chair next to hers.

"What time do you have to leave tomorrow?" he asked her.

"My flight's at 3 pm. I'll leave around one," she answered. "Will you be okay next week, with Ella?" she asked after a silence.

"What, you don't trust me with my own kid?"

She wasn't sure whether he was joking or not.

"Don't be ridiculous, Elliot. Of course I trust you. _With_ her. But we both know the job is also demanding."

She glanced quickly at him and met his dark glare. She looked away and took a sip from her beer.

"I'll talk to my Captain, I'll work something out, take the week off… You know, I know you haven't been here for the last four years so you may not realize it, but I've been there for Eli, for my kids, more than I've ever been."

"I wasn't implying anything," she said quietly. "I'm sorry."

She just watched him drink until another thought crossed her mind. Her brow furrowed slightly.

"Elliot… The case you had with SVU. How did it end?"

"Olivia..." he sighed and rubbed his jaw with a frown.

She stared at him in silence.

"You got out of it, Liv. Just let it go."

"No."

He turned his head to her.

"Liv," he said dangerously.

"I didn't get out because I couldn't handle it. You can talk to me about it, Elliot. Besides, it's not about me, it's about you. You want me in your life, you're going to have to open up. I'm not…"

"You're not Kathy, right? Is what you were going to say?" he told her with a glare.

"I was going to say I'm not going to let you shut me out. Deal with it," she declared.

She sunk lower into the chair and looked up at the dark sky. She raised the bottle to her lips and took another sip. The silence that followed seemed endless.

"He died," he finally said.

She closed her eyes when she heard his voice. She stopped moving and held her breath for fear of disturbing the moment.

"The guy we liked, the girl's boyfriend? We booked him and he was killed in Rikers. Turned out he hadn't raped the girl, he hadn't killed anyone. The girl's brother murdered these two guys and convinced her sister to report her boyfriend for rape. Then he had him killed in jail thinking it would be the end of it."

She heard the disgust, the anger, the guilt in his words. She turned to him and he was looking back at her. The moment felt sadly familiar.

"Not your fault, Elliot," she whispered strongly. "It's not your fault and you don't like me saying that because you know it's the truth," she continued before he could protest. "But you still feel guilty anyway."

"He was innocent. And he died because everyone gave up on him. He had a rap sheet for drugs and maybe I thought, what the hell, he's guilty of something anyway."

"You know that's not true. You're a good man, and a good cop. You collared him because everything pointed to him. You did your job. We both know it doesn't mean we get a happy or even a fair ending."

"Do you feel better?" he asked her with a glare.

"What?"

"You made me open up. Does that make you feel all fuzzy inside?" he mocked.

"You're an ass. Yes I'm happy you opened up. Because… God…" she groaned. "Yes, I want to try and be with you," she admitted. "But I know that job is not something you can turn on and off, and that's okay with me."

He stared at her for a long moment. She sat up straighter and faced him.

"Bottling it up inside has never done you any good Elliot. You end up breaking your hand against a wall or dropping off the face of the earth. Talking to me may be a nice change."

She looked at him and saw his eyes darken. He sat up too and turned to her, their knees almost touching. He leaned forward and raised a hand to her face. He brushed his thumb across her lips and she kissed it lightly. His fingers swept down her chin and he let his hand fall in her lap. He nodded slightly, not taking his eyes off her. Satisfied, she finished her beer in one gulp and stood up. Her gut twisted with a nervous desire when she felt him follow closely behind.

Somehow, she didn't think their night would end here.

* * *

><p><em>More smut to come. Hopefully soon. In the meantime... Reviews, anyone? :)<em>


	10. Chapter 10

_Apologising for the delay seems to have become a bit of an habit for me... An unfortunate one at that. I'll try to do better..._

_Chapter still **rated M**, still unbeta-ed, although I should have my beta back for the rest of the story. :)_

_Thanks again for your support, my beloved readers! It really means a lot!_

* * *

><p>She walked up the stairs and she listened to his steps behind her. Her stomach was in knot and her hands were shaking. Her heart was beating so hard in her chest she wondered if he could hear it. She didn't stop at the top of the stairs but went right in his room. She heard the door close behind him. She stood in front of his bed and she breathed out when he put his hands on her shoulders. He slid them down her arms until his fingers intertwined with hers. His breath was hot in her neck.<p>

"Are you okay?" he asked her.

_No_, she wanted to answer. _This is too much. It's not enough._

She bit down on her lip and nodded. His hands came to rest on her waist and he turned her lightly towards him. She looked into his eyes and he seemed so much calmer than she felt.

"Yes," she breathed out softly.

She tilted her head to kiss him.

"Liv," he said against her mouth. "Liv, we don't have to, you know."

She chuckled and ran her tongue over his lips.

"I know," she answered. "But I want to. I want you."

"I'm glad," his whispered hotly. "I want you too."

She looked into his eyes and brushed his lips with her hesitantly. And then their tongues were dueling and they were fumbling with the other's clothes. He let go of her lips to take off her sweater and her top in one swift movement. When he kissed her again, she smiled against his mouth. She pushed his shirt off his shoulders and ran her hands over his biceps and the taut muscles of his chest.

He sucked her lower lip between his and she moaned.

She shivered when he brushed his knuckles down her spine. His hands came down over her ass and when he sunk his fingers into her flesh, she scratched her nails across the tendrils of hair on his chest. Then he hooked his thumb in the waistband of her opened jeans. He kissed her jaw, her neck and her shoulders. He kneeled to kiss the skin between her breasts and down her stomach. His tongue darted out and licked lightly at the skin just above her panties. She sucked in a breath.

He pulled her pants down and she stepped out of it. He took her by the waist and laid her down on the bed. She sat up on her elbows to watch him get out of his own jeans and crawl on the bed on his hands and knees. His eyes were dark as he took in her barely clothed body. She didn't kid herself in thinking she hadn't been imagining this moment when she chose the lace chocolate brown lingerie.

"God I've missed you, Liv."

Her eyes burned and she swallowed the lump in her throat. Her legs spread open so he could come rest between them. She fell back against the mattress. He glided up over her and stopped to look into her eyes.

"You're beautiful," he whispered.

She felt a rush of affection for him tug at her heart. _Love. I love you._ She didn't let the words cross her lips, though. Instead, she raised her head to kiss him softly on the lips, cupping his cheek with a hand, the other pressing in the small of his back. He slipped the bra straps off her shoulders and his hands came fumbling under her.

She smiled.

"In the front, Elliot."

She suddenly realized his hands were shaking too. She kissed him harder and she sighed softly when he finally unclasped her bra. She wrapped her legs around his thighs and her hands around his biceps. She used her strength to flip them on the bed.

Now on top of him, she spread her legs wider to sink down lower on him. She felt his covered dick twitch under her and she moaned. She rid herself of her bra and she watched him look at her. She leaned down to kiss his bruised lips and then down his chest and his stomach.

She saw a scar she was pretty sure had not been here before and she catalogued it for later.

When she got to his briefs, she looked up at him and he bucked his hips slightly. She pulled down his last piece of clothes. She heard his breath catch in his throat and that just turned her on even more. She looked at his nakedness and kissed the tip of his shaft.

"Fuck, Liv."

She looked up at him and smirked. She stepped off the bed and shimmied out of her panties. Then she crawled back on him and the feel of his naked erection against her thigh made her tense with anticipation.

She gasped and opened her eyes wide when he turned her on her back again. He kissed her and slipped his tongue in her mouth. He grabbed her breast and brushed his thumb against a nipple. His dick rubbed at her entrance. She whimpered and arched her back.

"El. God Elliot…" she tried to find her voice. "El, condom," she breathed out.

He chuckled and her nipple hardened under his hot breath.

"Damnit, El, now."

He went up on the bed and she kissed and scraped her teeth on his shoulder. He reached into his nightstand and chuckled again.

"What the fuck, El?" she asked, hot, bothered and slightly annoyed.

He came back to her and kissed her lips. She wrapped her legs around his thighs and bucked her hips up against him.

"I can't believe I actually have six children," he finally explained.

She felt his smile against her shoulder. She nudged his head with her chin until he was looking back at her.

"I can't believe I actually have a child."

She smiled softly at him. He kissed her and the tenderness of it tugged at her heart.

He supported his weight with one arm next to her body while his other hand rolled the condom onto him before coming to grip her hip.

And then he was in her.

She gasped and her mouth hung open for a long second when none of them moved. His thumb brushed against her cheek and he looked at her as she adjusted to him. When he finally started pushing into her, she writhed and whimpered under him and god she had missed him. Her hands came on his ass to push him deeper in her as she brought her hips up to meet each thrust. He swallowed her every sound and she smiled against his lips when he muttered her name. He reached for her hand gripping the sheet and intertwined their fingers.

She came hard, arching her back and scratching his. She breathed out his name and a few seconds later her name rolled off his tongue. He collapsed half on her as he came too. He rolled on his back, taking her with him. He slipped the condom off him and then held her against him, his arms wrapped securely around her waist.

"Fuck, Liv," he said, still panting.

"I know," she replied between heavy breaths. "I've missed you too."

She closed her eyes and sighed in contentment. When she fell asleep, Elliot was still drawing random patterns on her back.

When she woke up a few hours later, she was lying on her middle, hugging the pillow. She turned her head towards Elliot and saw him jerk in his sleep, muttering senseless sounds. She watched his face tense and his fists grip the covers.

"Oh Elliot…" she breathed out sadly.

She still had nightmares at times. They came to her quite randomly and always haunted her the next day. But still, they were few and far in between and she was no longer a stranger to sleeping though the night. She knew Homicide was not as gut-wrenching as Special Victims often was. Yet, he was obviously still haunted by the job when the lights came out.

She moved under the covers closer to him. She put a hand on his shoulder and lightly shook him.

"Elliot. Come on El, wake up," she said softly.

His eyes fluttered open and it took him a moment to focus on Olivia. She smiled weakly at him and he rubbed his forehead. She slipped a leg between his to lie half on him. She brushed a hand on his chest.

"Are you okay?" she whispered.

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry I woke you up," his voice was low and gruff.

"Don't be."

She rested her head on his shoulder and kept running her fingers lightly on his chest.

"You want to talk about it?" she asked without looking at him.

He didn't answer yet she knew he was still awake. She felt his heart beating too fast under her palm. He kissed her hair and she didn't insist. Instead, she remembered the scar she had noticed in the middle of his chest and ran a finger over it.

"That's a new scar," she said quietly. "What happened?"

"Got shot."

"I'm sorry. How bad was it?"

"'Bout three days coma, three weeks of physical therapy and three months of ass duty."

Her heart skipped a bit and she exhaled a long, painful breath.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"Nothing you could have done, Liv."

Their low whispers in the silent room made her drowsy. She kissed his skin and he ran his hand down her spine. When he whispered her name again, she raised her head to kiss his jaw up to his mouth. He responded urgently and soon she slung a leg over his hips so that she was straddling him. Her hair fell in a curtain over their faces as she looked at him. This time, their encounter was slow and tender, their heavy breathing the only sounds in the room.

Afterwards, she turned to lie on her middle again and crossed her arms under her head, looking at him. He was propped up on an elbow, watching her. He saw her shiver and raised the covers on her naked back. The tender look he gave her made her eyes water.

"That's what I was afraid of, you know," she told him softly.

"What's that?"

"I don't think I can ever come back from us," she admitted in a whisper.

He moved closer to her and he pressed a kiss to her hair. She closed her eyes as he lay on his back beside her.

oooooooooo

The next time she woke up, the sun was filtering through the blinds of the bedroom. She turned and sat up on the bed. She looked around the empty room. She smiled when she saw his robe waiting for her on the back of a chair. She put it on and went downstairs.

She found him in the kitchen and she enjoyed the few seconds she had to watch him without his knowing. He was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants and was drinking juice from the carton. She watched the tattoo on his bicep. She looked up at him when he turned to her.

"Hi," she breathed out.

He answered with a slight smile and a nod of the head. He turned back to the fridge and put the juice back. She sat up on the opposite counter.

"This is so weird," she said softly.

"What, didn't Gavin ever make you breakfast?" he answered without looking at her.

And the rubber band snapped back.

She sighed.

"Go to hell," she told him.

She jumped down to leave the room but he grabbed her wrist.

"No," he told her. "No, you see, that's what I'm talking about," he said pointing a finger at her. "I can't worry about you running the fuck away every time I open my mouth."

"I was just going to take a shower Elliot. And you know what, maybe you should try and not sound like a prick every time you do open your mouth," she said angrily.

"Fine, call me a prick, Liv. But do it to my face. Don't run away, even if it's just upstairs."

"You're a prick."

He chuckled and she glared at him. She left the room and climbed up the stairs to the bathroom. Her robe dropped to the floor and she got in the shower. She jumped slightly when the curtain was pulled open.

"Damnit, Elliot!"

She closed the shower curtain with an angry glare.

"What?" he asked. "I can watch you writhe naked under me when we fuck but this is too intimate?"

She could just picture the smirk on his face.

She turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. She stood naked and glistening wet in front of him. She looked at him as his eyes roam over her body. She felt vulnerable under his heated gaze but also realized that no one had ever made her feel more desirable than him at this moment. She saw him swallow hard and shift uncomfortably. She finally picked up the robe from the floor and put it on.

"Did you get up on the wrong side of the bed?" she asked him harshly.

"I was just joking Liv."

"No you weren't. You were being a possessive asshole again. Why do you have to do that when I was 'writhing naked under you' not three hours ago?"

"I'll always be possessive about you."

She thought she probably should have been mad about that. But the tenderness of his voice softened her.

"Next time, don't bring up Gavin like that when I flip out about something," she asked quietly.

"What are you flipping out about?" he said and took a step closer to her.

"Because this is new to me, Elliot. This intimacy… Yes Gavin made me breakfast in the morning, but it's different with you. I'm used to you leaving to go back to your wife before I was even asleep."

She stopped as soon as the words left her mouth. He looked away and shifted, stomping his foot lightly on the floor.

"I'm sorry," she said. "That was unfair…"

He tilted his head slightly and watched her until she looked back at him.

"You won't get used to me making you breakfast while hiding in the shower."

He left the room and she smiled slightly. She disrobed and stepped back in the shower. He was back after a few minutes.

"Liv," he called again when she was rinsing out her hair.

"Next time you interrupt my shower, it'd better be to join me," she told him.

"I'll keep that in mind" he said in a laugh. "Come on, there's something you gotta see."

She quickly finished up and got out of the shower. She put the robe back on and left the room. Elliot was leaning against the hallway wall and beckoned her to him with a finger. He jerked his chin to the open door to Eli's bedroom. She furrowed her brow slightly but stepped into the room.

She stopped and smiled. The two kids were asleep in the same bed, Ella on her middle and Eli on his side, facing his sister. They both had an arm slung over the girl's bear.

"She hates behind awake and alone," she whispered.

Olivia leaned her head and her hip against the doorframe and watched the scene. She relaxed against Elliot when he came behind her, slipping his arms around her waist.

"I love you," he said in her ear.

She froze. She fought the instinct to run. She lowered her head and breathed in and out. She turned in his arms and her forehead fell to his shoulder. She wanted to tell him he couldn't say that just days after they reconnected from a four years long estrangement. She wanted to tell him he didn't really love her. He was just emotional because of Ella, because of their night of sex, because it had been four years…

Yet she couldn't do that because she felt the same way he did. And she knew it wasn't just because of these reasons. It was because he was Elliot. They could snap at each other, get pissed off or plain mad. They could stop talking for days.

But she loved him. And she trusted him to be sure about what he was saying.

So she raised her head and took a deep breath…

He kissed her before the words crossed her lips. She was grateful in a way. They had plenty of time for these three words, hopefully a time where she wouldn't feel so close to a panic attack.

"Huh, Liv…" he said when he broke the kiss.

He jerked his chin behind her and she turned to see the kids sitting up on the bed, looking at them curiously. She bit back a curse. Instead, she forced a smile.

"Hey. Did you guys sleep well?" she asked.

Elliot laughed softly behind her and she turned with a glare.

"Come on," he told them. "Breakfast in ten."

The kids got up and Ella reached her arms out to her mother. Olivia picked her up and placed her on her hip.

"Mommy," the girl whispered in her ear. "Daddy kissed you. It means he loves you."

Olivia lowered her head before kissing her daughter's temple.

"I know, baby," she said softly.

The girl hugged her tighter.

"Maybe you'll get married."

"And maybe we won't, Ella. But it's okay either way, ok?"

"But... If you get married, I could be a flower girl."

"You'll have plenty of occasions to be a flower girl, baby."

In the living-room, she put Ella down and the girl went to the backyard with Eli. Olivia then followed Elliot in the kitchen. In a move that was becoming familiar, she sat on the counter and watched him get eggs and bacon from the fridge.

"You got pancake mix?" she asked.

"I think so… Why?"

"Sunday morning pancakes are a Benson family tradition," she told him.

He turned to her with an intrigued look.

"Really?"

She shrugged.

"Well at least that's what my mother said the couple of times a year she actually made pancakes," she said. "Usually meant she had managed to stay sober for more than three hours…"

She looked up and crossed his eyes. He walked up to her and pressed his lips on her forehead, rubbing his hand along her arm.

"I'll make you pancakes, Liv, every week."

She chuckled lightly.

"I'm not going to be the one throwing a fit if you don't," she said. "Ella might, though."

He nodded and started looking in his cupboard for pancake mix. When he found it, he held it up with a grin. She gave him a small smile but her mind was back elsewhere, and not on her mother. She had managed to get Serena out from under her skin a while ago.

She was thinking about Ella's wedding question. And she really did not want to be obsessing about this. She had never been one to obsess about her wedding day. She hadn't played bride as a little girl. Her first marriage proposal had come when she was still in high school and she had seen the prospect of escape, not the romance. As an adult, she didn't stare at the white dresses in the store window.

She just wasn't the type that dreamt of a wedding. Not now, not ever. She had never thought of herself as a Mrs and she had always been fine with that.

Still, she knew the question would come up again, from Ella or from his children. That bothered her. What bothered her even more was the idea that Elliot might ask it too. She really, really didn't want that. She didn't want to be the second wife. She was just fine being who she was. She hoped he would be too.

She looked up when she heard her name.

"Sorry. What?" she said

"Where did you go?" he asked with a concerned look.

"Nowhere, I'm fine."

"Daddy!" Eli called when he came running in the kitchen. "I'm hungry!"

"Good," Elliot told him. "Pancakes are ready. Go sit down."

The kids went to the dining-room and Elliot brought out the first batch of pancakes along with maple syrup and jelly. She didn't move. She heard Elliot tell the kids to be good, that he'd be right back. And then he was at the stove again.

"This new side of you is really odd you know," she told him. "You're like a cross between Martha Stewart and Tony Micelli."

He turned his head to smirk at her. She gave him a small, tight smile.

"What's bothering you, Liv?"

"Nothing, I'm fine, Elliot," she answered.

"Liv, you asked me not to shut you out. Give me the same courtesy."

She sighed. She jumped down and went to sit on the opposite counter, closer to Elliot.

"I just got the 'are you going to get married' question from Ella."

She didn't want to even put the idea out there. But if she knew her daughter, Ella would soon ask her father the same question.

"Oh…" he said and rubbed his jaw.

"We kissed, we're in love, in her mind wedding is the next step."

He threw a quick glance at her and scratched the corner of his lips. She rolled her eyes.

"Just ask, Elliot."

"Didn't it ever come up, with Gavin?" he jumped at the occasion.

"He didn't propose to me if that's what you're asking…"

He shot her a quick look but didn't say anything.

"And Ella was too young to raise the question. But now… You're her father; most of her friends' parents are married. Besides, she wants to be a flower girl."

"What did you say?"

"That we don't have to be married to be happy. And she'll have plenty of occasions to be flower girl. She's got four older siblings after all."

"Don't even talk about that. Maureen's been…"

"Mommy!" Ella yelled out.

Olivia jumped down and went quickly to the dining-room, followed by Elliot. They stopped dead in their tracks. Ella was sitting on the table crying and Eli was kneeling on his seat, leaning against the table. The little girl was covered in maple syrup and her brother was holding the smoking gun in his hand.

"What in the world...?" Olivia gasped.

"What the hell's going on here?" Elliot asked.

"He wouldn't give me the syrup," Ella cried.

"I wasn't done with it yet!" Eli shouted. "She bit me on the arm!"

"Ella!" Olivia exclaimed.

"He putted syrup on me!"

"Alright, you guys apologize," Elliot asked with a hard glare.

Ella only cried harder and Eli sank down in his seat, crossing his arms on his chest.

"Okay…" Olivia sighed. "Just… Let's get you cleaned up."

She picked up the girl and took her to the bathroom upstairs. Twenty minutes later, Olivia and Ella were back downstairs. The girl was dressed, her damp hair brushed away from her face. Elliot was sitting at the table next to his son. He jerked his chin towards them when he saw them and Eli stood up. Olivia put Ella down before tightening the knot of her robe. The kids faced each other, their heads down. Ella turned to her mother, her teeth biting down on her lip. Olivia just glared in silence.

"I'm sorry," Ella said to her brother.

"I'm sorry too," the boy answered reluctantly.

"Good, now can we all have breakfast without any more fighting?" Elliot asked.

The kids nodded and sat down next to each other. Olivia took a seat next to Elliot and leaned closer to him.

"Was that supposed to be them bonding?" she asked.

"Yeah." He smirked.

She rolled her eyes and went back to her breakfast. Under the table, Elliot squeezed her thigh.

* * *

><p><em>Hope you're still enjoying the story. <em>

_By the way, I'm turning 21 today and nothing would please me more than a whole bunch of reviews! Well, maybe actually owning SVU you know, but I'm not quite reaching for the stars on that one... :)_


	11. Chapter 11

_Only one more chapter before the epilogue! Hope you're still enjoying._

* * *

><p>Her packed suitcase was already in the trunk of the cab waiting on the side of the road. She squatted down on the sidewalk in front of her daughter.<p>

"You be good for your dad, okay? And don't bite anyone," she told Ella with a hard look. "I'll call you every day and I'll see you in just five days, okay?"

The girl nodded and Olivia pulled her into a hug.

"I love you, baby."

"I love you too mommy."

She kissed her daughter's forehead and got up. She leaned down to give Eli a quick hug. She walked to the cab and Elliot held the door open for her as she slid into the back seat. He leaned into the car and looked at her with a grin and a glint in his eyes before he kissed her goodbye. Then he closed the door and the cab drove off. She looked back at the three of them standing in front of the gate and smiled.

oooooooooo

It was almost seven pm when she crossed the threshold of her house. The place that had been home for the last couple of years felt now too empty and too foreign. She already missed her little girl and even her mutt. Shannon had agreed to have drinks with her the next day after work. She would pick up Barney on her way back.

She missed Elliot.

This used to feel like a punch in the gut. Now it made her smile.

She took the suitcase up the stairs and into her room. She took a quick shower and was changing into a t-shirt and sweatpants when her cell phone rang. She saw Elliot's name on the screen and picked up.

"Hey, miss me already?" she joked.

"Not as much as Ella does," he said with a sigh.

"Oh… already?"

"She wouldn't go to bed before she talked to you."

"Okay, well put her on."

Olivia walked into her daughter's bedroom and picked up a book. She curled up in a chair and read the girl a story over the phone.

"I miss you, mommy," Ella said in a sleepy voice once Olivia was done reading.

"I miss you too…" she answered. "I love you, baby."

She heard silence and then chuckling on the other side of the line.

"Is that my pet name, now?" Elliot asked and she heard the smile in his voice.

She breathed out a nervous laugh.

"I was talking to Ella."

"I know," he said softly.

The phone still at her ear, she got up and went downstairs to the kitchen. There was a long silence but she knew he hadn't hung up. She rummaged through her cupboards to find something to eat.

"What are you doing?" he asked after a while.

"Preparing dinner."

"Yeah? What can are you heating up tonight?"

"Shut up," she retorted in a laugh.

She put her cell on speaker and placed it on the kitchen table.

"So, what are you wearing?" he asked.

"T-shirt and sweatpants."

"Liiiiv…" he whined.

She laughed.

"You're supposed to say you're wearing some kind of flimsy negligee," he said.

"Here's two words I never thought I'd hear you say. And I'm not having phone sex with you, Elliot," she told him.

"You don't know what you're missing," he teased. "Good night, Liv."

"Night Elliot."

He hung up and she stared at the phone, smiling softly. And for the first time in her life, she considered sending a sexy picture of herself to a man. She didn't though. She shook her head and huffed out a small laugh at herself before going back to her quiet evening.

oooooooooo

The next day, she went to work like any other day. She knew Mondays were busy for Shannon and the woman didn't find the time to grill her. On her lunch break, she typed her letter of resignation. She printed it, re-read it and stared at the letter. She didn't have any second thought about her decision; she was even somewhat excited about moving back to New York. It didn't mean she didn't feel some sadness at the idea of leaving her life here.

At six sharp, Shannon walked into the bar and spotted Olivia already sitting at a table. She was just getting off a call with her daughter and Elliot. She stood up to hug the woman and poured wine into the empty glasses. The woman smiled and took a sip. She saw the white envelope on the table and slid it towards her.

"I'm not going to find my paycheck for dog sitting in this, am I?" she asked with a small smile.

"We're moving back to New York, Shannon," Olivia told her.

"No kidding," she said. "Am I at least going to meet your stud?"

"Who? Elliot?" she asked, laughing.

"Hey, you said it, not me."

"Actually yes, he and Ella are coming to San Francisco this weekend. We'll have a small going away party," Olivia explained.

Shannon nodded and reached for something in her purse. Sipping her wine, she handed Olivia a card between two fingers. Olivia frowned and picked it up.

"Daniel Lloyd?" she asked.

"I went to college with him. He's head of the PR department of a firm called Vinci Security in New York. They oversee the security of a couple of big firms in the City."

"Okay…" Olivia hesitated.

"Their head of Employment Screening is about to retire and they're looking for a replacement."

"Shannon…"

"Basically you'd do the same thing you do here except with more work, more people working under you, and more money. I already talked to Daniel who talked to their head of security. You just have to call to set up a meeting."

The woman served herself another glass of wine. Olivia's drink was long forgotten.

"Shannon, I… I don't know what to say. You never had any doubt that I would go back to New York, did you?"

The brunette just smiled and reached for a few peanuts.

"This is incredibly nice of you, Shannon. I just don't know…"

"You wanna go back to being a cop?"

"No, no… I don't know …" Olivia furrowed her brow at her own hesitation.

"Well I told Daniel you'd call. It's just a meeting, Olivia. Think about it."

oooooooooo

The next few days went by rather quickly. She talked to Ella and Elliot every day after work. He was on light duty for the week. He was reluctant to leave Ella with someone she didn't know, so he worked around Liz and Kathleen's schedule. The girls had agreed to babysit on their free time for the week. Ella had asked for Eli and hadn't quite understood why he only lived with his father two weekends a month. Elliot and Olivia hadn't talked about bringing Ella by Kathy's. They just knew they wouldn't.

Wednesday night, her phone rang again when she was already in bed. Ella had woken up crying from a nightmare and had cried for her mother. Olivia heard Elliot's frustration at the fact that it took her voice to soothe the little girl back to sleep. They just said good night before hanging up.

During the week, she put the house up for sale and started packing up suitcases and cardboard boxes. She put stickers on the furniture she wanted to take back to New York and would let the Salvation Army handle the rest. She asked Casey to check out a couple of places in the city but when she looked at the wooden chest in her bedroom, she couldn't help but think that it would go nice in Elliot's living-room.

Olivia called Daniel Lloyd and set up a meeting for the following Thursday. She put her files, her work and her desk in order. She had lunch with her replacement. They didn't have a big party at work, just a toast at the coffee machine with friendly goodbyes and good lucks.

She was set to leave.

She had come back from her last day of work an hour ago and was now pushing boxes against the hallway wall. The living-room was still clear enough that she could welcome her few guests the following afternoon.

There was a single knock at the door before it flung open and Ella came running in.

"Mommyyy!" the girl yelled out.

Olivia turned to her as her daughter ran and jumped in her arms.

"Hey baby!" Olivia hugged her.

Barney had also come running as soon as he had heard the door open and was now jumping on Olivia's leg. Ella wriggled out of her mother's embrace and slung her arms over her dog. While she played with the puppy, Olivia stepped closer to Elliot. He had just closed the door and set his duffel bag and Ella's backpack on the floor.

"Hi," she told him with a hesitant smile.

He grabbed her chin and brought his lips down on hers.

"Hi Liv," he breathed out against her mouth.

She felt the familiar warmth in her belly and stepped away from him.

"How was the flight?" she asked.

"Tiring," he answered throwing a glance at Ella.

She laughed softly.

"Have you eaten anything?" she inquired.

"Not much. Plane food is almost as bad as hospital food."

She smiled and went to the kitchen. Elliot followed her as Ella ran around the house racing her puppy. Olivia picked up vegetarian lasagna from the freezer and put it in the oven. When she turned to Elliot, he was looking at her with a slight smirk.

"Don't worry, it's good frozen food," she told him as she rolled her eyes.

He leaned against the table and looked around.

"Nice house," he said.

"Yeah it is. Which reminds me…"

She turned to him with a hand on her hip.

"I asked Casey to check out a few places for me in New York."

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said with a glare. "Funnily enough… One place was apparently a dump, another one was already off the market and the last house was surrounded by crime scene tape."

"Really? Not much luck then?"

"Come on Elliot, like you didn't have anything to do with my misfortune? How did you manage to convince Casey that it would be a good idea for me to move in with you?"

"Didn't take a lot actually," he smirked. "She said she'd love to be a fly on the wall to watch that show."

"That show?" she glared. "You mean you and me living together?"

"Her words, not mine," he said.

"You know, for someone who's supposedly afraid of pushing, you're certainly doing your share."

"Can you blame me?" He narrowed his eyes at her. "Come on, give me a tour."

She sighed but nodded. She checked the timer on the oven and followed him out of the room. They walked upstairs with Ella on their trail. The girl took her father's hand and dragged him to her bedroom. She stopped when she saw that most of her things were already packed up. She did find her guitar and started playing it. Olivia winced at the not-so-in-tune melody.

Elliot hesitated at the entrance of Olivia's bedroom. She looked at him with a slight smirk and arched an eyebrow.

"What? Don't like my comforter? It's either that or the couch, you know."

"No, it's just…" he started.

"Oh god…" she groaned. "Please, don't tell me it's a Gavin thing again."

He walked to her with a dangerous look in his eyes. She glanced at the half-closed door over his shoulder. She looked back at him and her eyes were drawn to his lips. He set his hands on her hips and kissed her. He opened her mouth with his tongue and slipped it between her lips. He sunk his fingers in her flesh and she grabbed his belt. She returned the kiss and moaned in his mouth.

He sucked on her lower lip and then it wasn't a tender, gentle kiss. It was tongues fighting and teeth clashing. It was possessive and hungry. It reminded her of a time when he was still married and she was occasionally dating and he would get her in the locker room and kiss the taste of her date away. He was reclaiming her and she moaned thinking of how he would take her on her bed tonight.

She pulled away with a gasp when one of his hands moved up to grab her breast tightly. She lowered her head and caught her breath. She looked at him and he was smirking. She bit down a grin and pushed him on the shoulder as she walked out of the room.

She called Ella and went down to the kitchen. She took the lasagna out from the oven and set the table.

"No need for a third plate, Liv. Ella's already asleep," Elliot said when he walked in.

"Oh… Hum… Give me a minute? I'll just check on her and change her."

"I took her shoes and jeans off and put her under the covers. She'll be fine."

She glanced at the ceiling and back at him. He crossed his arms on his chest and watched her with a slight frown. She nodded, sat down and served the two plates.

"So," she asked after a minute of silence. "How did you pull off taping off that house as a crime scene?"

She arched an eyebrow and he smirked slightly.

"Don't ask," he answered. "Ella missed you a lot," he added.

There was an edge to his voice and she heard the underlying accusation. She could have believed she was just being paranoid though, if it wasn't for his hard stare.

"Every kid misses their mother, Elliot."

He slouched in his seat and rubbed his forehead.

"It's more than that, Liv. It's just… she was so looking forward to coming back here. She talked more during the flight than in the whole week."

"Of course she was excited. She missed me and Barney. She missed her friends and her home."

"Damnit Liv."

"Damn you!" she spat back.

She stood up behind her seat and gripped its back.

"Why do you have to take this so personally? She's not rejecting you, Elliot. You're her father and she loves you. But San Francisco is all she's ever known. That's where her home is, her daycare, her friends."

"And her _family_ is in New York," he said, standing up too. "But then again, she has known her friends longer, hasn't she?"

She shook her head lightly and sat back down. She put an elbow on the table and brushed a finger on the rim of her glass.

"You know..." she started. "When I left... I regret having had to make that decision, by myself nonetheless," she added with a dark look. "It was hard then and it is hard now. But I still stand by it."

She glanced up briefly at him. He had leaned against the counter of the kitchen and had crossed his arms on his chest. His face was set in an angry scowl.

"Ella is going to be happy," she continued. "We'll get her settled in her new home, in a new daycare before she starts preschool. She'll make new friends and her siblings will get to know and love her. She'll forget all about San Francisco."

She fell silent for a minute. Elliot sat back down next to her and he rubbed his jaw before setting his eyes on her again.

"But Elliot… if I had told people about her when I found out, when you were still married, not to mention away… Your family would have turned against you, me and Ella. We would have turned against each other. It would have hurt Ella and we… Elliot, it would have destroyed us."

She looked at him and his face had softened.

"Now your family has already dealt with your divorce and we're not so much the family wreckers we would have been four years ago."

She cupped his cheek with her hand and smiled sadly at him.

"You hate it when I make sense, don't you?"

"I still wished I'd been there though," he said.

"I know," she breathed out before she kissed him.

"I'm sorry," he added, looking down.

"I know."

She stood up and looked around the kitchen.

"Hum…" she hesitated. "Would you mind…?"

"Cleaning up? Aren't I a guest here?" he raised his eyebrows at her.

She bit down on her lip and looked up at him behind her eyelashes.

"I'll make it worth your while," she told him.

And she knew she had him with the pouty lips, the hooded eyes and the husky voice. He wasn't used to her being a tease. He didn't know she was nervous as hell, though. He swallowed and nodded. He stared at her until she was out of the room.

Once upstairs, she checked on her sleeping daughter and closed her door all the way. She went to her bedroom and picked up a few items that hadn't been packed. She was finishing up in the bathroom when she heard him walk up the stairs. She waited a few seconds and peaked at the hallway. Satisfied, she went back to her bedroom.

He was standing in the middle of the room and turned to her when she stepped in. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it, one hand still resting on the door handle. She watched his eyes widen.

"You said something about a flimsy negligee?" she asked almost shyly.

She felt clumsy and awkward but he didn't seem to notice. Her skin flushed when his eyes roamed over her body, barely covered by the short blood red sheer lingerie. He was standing still, his mouth half-open as he kept staring at her with eyes dark with arousal. She was regaining her confidence by the second.

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and the movement seemed to bring him back to reality.

"Fuck, Liv," he muttered and she thought it was possibly the most erotic sound she had ever heard.

She grinned and took the few steps to press up against him. She felt his hard-on when she slid a leg between his and she bit back a sound.

"Just so you know," she told him softly. "I bought it only for you."

She wasn't against inflating his ego when it could serve her.

She kissed him and he cupped her face with his hand. The other slipped under the gown and gripped at her hip. She was already reaching for his belt and unbuttoning his pants. He slid them off and she took off his t-shirt. When he was down to his briefs, he kneeled before her. He placed a kiss to her stomach over the material before sliding his hands under it. He cursed when he grabbed her already bare ass.

He stood up again and put his hands on her waist as she let him lead her to the bed. When her knees hit the mattress, she lay down and moved further up. He crawled up to her and she raised her legs. Her feet came to slide his briefs down his ass and he moved to take them off. Then he laid a trail of kisses from her ankle up to her thigh and down the other leg. She tensed in anticipation when his lips brushed at her inner thigh.

When his tongue darted out between her wet folds she hissed and gripped at the sheets. She arched into him and he sucked lightly at her clit. She bit down on her lip and withered under his touch. He held her knees down on the mattress to keep her legs wide open to his mouth.

She came quickly under his ministrations.

"God, Elliot," she breathed out when he kissed the sensitive skin.

He grabbed the hem of the negligee and raised it up. She sat up so he could take it off. He kissed her and she tasted herself on his tongue. He breathed her name on her lips and she whimpered. He grabbed her breast before lowering his head to take the nipple in his mouth.

"Elliot…" she moaned.

She arched her back and reached down for his length to guide him to her. She whispered his name again and his mouth came back on hers. He watched her when he slid into her, his lips hovering above hers.

oooooooooo

She was already half awake when she felt him move next to her. He pressed himself against her and kissed her back. He put a hand on her hip and brought her on her side to spoon her. She hooked a leg over his and backed down against him. He hissed when she pressed herself again his hard-on.

"God, 'Livia," he muttered.

She laughed softly.

"You know, you got some stamina for a man your age," she told him.

"You calling me old, Benson?"

"God, I've really got to start taking the pill again," she answered instead.

"Why?"

"Because we have a tendency to forgo condoms, like last night," she said.

"Did I ever mention that seven is my lucky number?" he told her.

"Haha, you're funny," she replied sarcastically. "I'm not having another child Elliot. Find yourself another baby mama."

"I only want you," he said in her ear before kissing her temple.

She took his hand and wrapped his arm around her waist. She hummed and closed her eyes.

"What time is it?" she asked after a while.

"Almost nine."

"Really?"

"Well old people need their beauty rest," he said.

"Yeah?" she laughed. "No, actually I'm just surprised Ella's not here yet. I'm just going to check on her," she said and slipped out from under the covers.

"Liv, she's fine. Come back here."

"I'll just be a minute."

She stood up and slipped on the negligee from the night before. She went to the bathroom to brush her teeth before going to Ella's bedroom. The girl was on her bed with her dog.

"Hey baby, you're okay?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, I'm brushing Barney's hair."

"You mean your dog, who's not supposed to be on your bed?" she asked and raised an eyebrow.

The girl sighed and lightly shooed the dog away. She stayed sitting on the bed with her head down. Olivia sat next to her and brushed a hand in her daughter's hair.

"What's going on, baby?"

"I wanted to sleep in your bed this morning, but there was daddy."

"So? It's a big bed, we can share," she said softly. "It's not just you and me anymore, baby. It's you, me and your daddy."

"We share each other?"

Olivia nodded with a smile. The girl reached her arms out to her mother. She picked her up and took her to her bedroom. Ella went to hug her father who was now wearing his briefs and a t-shirt. She sat on the bed facing her parents while Olivia slipped back under the covers and against the headboard.

"No, Barney," the girl said when her dog try to jump up. "Not on the bed. Stay!" she said with an authoritative finger.

The girl started telling her father about her training of Barney. Olivia watched the scene with a smile, an arm slung over her head, the other lying across her stomach. Ella asked her about the party taking place that afternoon before she moved to lie on her middle between her parents. She played with the lace cleavage of Olivia's negligee.

"It's a pretty dress, mommy," the girl said.

"Tell me about it," Elliot replied with a chuckle.

Olivia grabbed a pillow and slung it over his face.

"Yay, pillow fight!" Ella exclaimed.

She sat up and lightly hit her parents with a pillow. Olivia threw herself over the girl and tickled her. She screamed for her daddy between giggles. After a few minutes, Elliot grabbed the girl by the waist and slung her over his shoulder.

"Come on, let's go make your mommy breakfast," he said.

Olivia watched them leave. She sat on the edge of the bed and ran a hand in her hair.

Five years ago she would have been waiting for the other shoe to drop. It had seemed her whole life had been about good things going wrong. Now, when her gut sometimes twisted with the thought of losing everything, she looked at her daughter's smile. She focused on what was right in her life rather than obsess about dark possibilities.

So she breathed out slowly and smiled. She got up to change into a t-shirt and yoga pants and went downstairs to her family.


	12. Chapter 12

_Okay, first off I'm so sorry about the delay (again...) but I'm finding myself beta-less, so... Forgive me my mistakes. ;) I'm very grateful for your continuing support despite the chaotic updates! _

_This is the last chapter before the epilogue. I hope you'll enjoy it!_

* * *

><p>Elliot came back late from work the Monday after they got back from San Francisco and found Olivia unpacking her suitcase. He had already cleared out haft his closet for her. Neither had commented on it. He leaned against the wall, watching her with a smile.<p>

"You know," she said without looking at him, "your kids are going to hate this. I mean they don't even have a room here now."

Elliot had told her to redecorate the guest-room with Ella. The girl needed her own bedroom he had said.

"Yes, they do," he answered.

She turned to him and he jerked his chin toward the hallway. She furrowed her brow slightly and followed him downstairs. He opened the door under the stairs and led her to the basement. She opened her mouth in surprise when he switched on the light.

The basement had been furnished and decorated as a small loft. She took in the two single beds in one corner. In another, there was a hammock and a fluffy chair next to a shelf supporting books, dvds and various games. There was a small desk against the wall. In the middle of the room, a couch was facing a TV set. There was only a small window under the ceiling but the basement was well lit, making it cozy and inviting.

"I've been working on it for a few months. Kathy says I'm buying the kids."

"It's amazing, Elliot. Have they seen it already?"

"Not yet, no."

He turned to her and kissed her softly.

"You're home," he breathed in her ear.

oooooooooo

She and Ella had lunch with Casey on Tuesday.

"You're not mad at me for screwing up your real estate search, are you?" she asked Olivia.

"No. Maybe I'm a bit pissed off, but not mad. Don't worry."

"So how's it working out?"

"We're okay," Olivia answered with a playful glare.

"Well at least you haven't killed each other yet…"

Olivia shook her head lightly, a small smile on her lips. Not one to discuss her personal life in too much details, she changed the subject.

"Aren't you getting bored of snooping through people's lives?" the ADA asked her about the possible job at Vinci Security.

"It's a good job, Casey. Besides, I don't want my job being my life anymore," she told her.

"You know, the DA's office could always use another good investigator," Casey teased.

"Yeah…" she laughed. "I didn't retire from the force to come work for you, Casey."

"You don't miss being a cop?" she asked more seriously.

"A little… But not as much as I missed having a family when I didn't," Olivia said.

She smiled softly and brushed a hand over her daughter's hair.

oooooooooo

Elliot put longer hours at work that week, but he still managed to have dinner with them every day.

"What time is your meeting tomorrow?" he asked her Wednesday night.

She was having lunch with Daniel Lloyd and Thomas Byrd from Vinci Security the next day. She was pretty sure she would say yes to the job if they wanted her. Elliot had encouraged her to every time it had come up. She knew he didn't want to see her carry a gun and a badge anymore. She was fine with it as long as he didn't get patronizing with her.

"Hey Ella," he told the girl over dessert. "How would you like to spend tomorrow evening with Kathleen?"

"Yes!" the girl beamed.

"Good. Your sister will babysit while I take your mother out for dinner," he said and looked at Olivia.

She lowered her head and bit back a grin. She'd known the man for sixteen years, had a child with him and was now sharing his bed. But damn if the idea of going out on a date with him didn't make her heart flutter.

oooooooooo

She took a last look at herself in the mirror and smiled. She felt more nervous and excited at the prospect of this date than she had in years. She was wearing a silk purple dress that stopped above the knee. The V-neckline was just deep enough to entice without being tacky.

Satisfied, she picked up her silver clutch and walked down the stairs. She went to the living-room where Elliot was watching Kathleen and Ella on the floor playing with the puppy. Kathleen saw her first.

"Wow," the young woman said.

Elliot turned to her and checked her out from head to toes.

"Wow," he confirmed with a grin.

He walked up to her and pressed her against him with a hand on her back. He kissed her on the lips.

"Hey hey," Kathleen intervened. "I think I'm being understanding enough about the whole thing without having to watch you smooch."

Olivia laughed softly and stepped away to go hug her daughter. She gave Kathleen some last recommendations and said goodbye. She went back to Elliot and he pressed his hand to the small of her back as he led her out of the house.

oooooooooo

They sa down in a nice Italian restaurant in lower Manhattan. He watched her sip her wine before she looked back at him.

"What?" she asked.

"Just thinking…" he said with a slight grin. "Your dress is going to look nice on the floor of the bedroom."

"Wait till you see what's under it," she answered with a teasing smile.

She grinned when he flushed slightly and shifted in his seat.

She was surprised that they managed to talk without heavy subtexts. It reminded her of the first few years of their partnership when their banter was fun and light. They argued over football, he teased her when she mentioned re-reading Jane Eyre and she made fun of his latest knock-knock jokes.

When their waitress came to deliver their order, she smiled at Elliot and Olivia rolled her eyes. She smirked when she crossed his eyes.

"She's hitting on you, you know," she said.

"No she isn't. She just knows me," he glared lightly. "She was a witness in a case. That's how I found out about this place."

"Hmm…" she hummed in her glass. "So that's where you take all your dates?" she smirked.

"Actually, you're the first, babe," he answered with a grin.

"Babe? Seriously?" she laughed. "So…" she said after a minute, "was there anyone serious?"

The amusement fell from his face and he looked at her with a frown. She thought he was going to blow her off, but he didn't.

"I dated your replacement for a while," he said looking down briefly. "Not Rollins, the one before. She didn't stay long with SVU."

She swallowed hard and nodded slightly.

"Wow, you really have a thing for female SVU detectives, huh?" she tried to joke.

"Hah." He breathed out a nervous laugh. "You mean Dani Beck? I didn't really date her, you know. We just… kissed…"

"Alright, you know what, it's a stupid conversation."

"You were gone, Olivia. I was… I wasn't… okay. For months, I wasn't okay, Liv. I tried to move on. Mel… Melanie, your replacement, she left me after a couple of months because she thought I was still hung up on Kathy. After that, there were a few women… Not a lot... And it never lasted long."

He finished his glass of wine with one gulp and poured himself another one. She slid a feet off her shoe and slipped it under his thigh. He looked up at her quickly and saw her small, sad smile. He wrapped in hand over her ankle and gave her a tight smile.

"Come on. Tonight's about us, Liv," he said. "How did your lunch go?"

"Good. They offered me the job and I said yes. I'm starting next month."

"Congratulations."

"I just wish I could start sooner. I'm going to go crazy doing nothing for over three weeks."

"You mean, except raising my child of course?" he said with a grin.

She made a face at him and moved her foot against his crotch, making him hiss.

"That being said," she continued, "Thomas did say I could drop by whenever I want to get settled in and show Ella around their daycare facilities."

He grabbed her ankle and set her leg down on the floor. He reached for something in his coat.

"Since we're sharing news…" he told her.

He handed her a white envelope and she opened it with a frown.

"Elliot!" she exclaimed when she read the letter. "You passed the sergeant's exam!"

He grinned at her and nodded.

"That's wonderful. I'm so proud of you."

He watched her in silence and smiled softly.

"So what does that mean for you?" she asked.

"Well I'm taking a more supervisory role in the unit. Less leg work, more paperwork."

"You're okay with that?"

"I'll still be involved in the investigations. I just won't do as much canvasses or crime scene processing in the middle of the night. It means less crazy hours," he explained. "Yes, I'm okay with that."

He looked in her eyes again and she smiled.

"Sergeant Stabler…" she said. "Has a nice ring to it."

oooooooooo

It was past ten when he parked the car in the driveway. He was out and opening her door before she had unfastened her seatbelt. She stood up laughing softly. He closed the door and backed her against the car, pressing a leg between hers as he kissed her. When she pulled away, she was out of breath but grinning slightly.

"Well that was one hell of a kiss goodnight," she said.

"Night's not over yet."

They walked into the house and he took her coat off. They looked at each other in puzzlement when they heard laughing coming from the open door to the basement. She followed him down the stairs and saw Kathleen, Liz, Richard and Ella playing on the Wii. They finished their game before turning to them. Ella waved at them with a smile.

"Hey, guys," Kathleen hesitated before greeting them.

"Hey," Richard said. "We heard about our cool new crash pad from Kath'. Thought we'd come check it out."

"You like it?" Elliot asked with a grin.

He walked up to his children but she stayed a few steps behind.

"It's really great, dad," Liz told him.

"Yeah," Richard added. "It's almost good enough to make us swallow the pill about your new family moving in."

"Dick," Kathleen sighed.

"I'm going to put Ella to bed," Olivia stated.

"I'm not tired!" Ella replied.

"Well it's already way past your bedtime, baby."

"I'm sorry, Liv," Kathleen said. "I just thought it was kind of a special occasion, you know."

"It's fine, don't worry. Come on Ella, say goodnight."

She waited for the girl to say her goodnights before picking her up. She turned to Elliot when she heard his cellphone ring. He answered and from what he was saying, she guessed that he had caught a case.

"I gotta go," he told her with an apologetic grimace.

She nodded with a small smile. He glanced at his older children and stepped closer to Olivia.

"You're going to be okay?" he asked softly.

"Oh, come on," Richard laughed harshly, "she must have arrested hundreds of dirt bags, including me by the way, and you're worried about leaving her with us?"

"Wow," Liz laughed. "Did you just admit to being a dirt bag?"

"Just be nice kids," he said before turning away.

Olivia walked up the stairs followed by Elliot. She put her daughter down on the first step of the stairs to the second floor and gently swatted her butt.

"Go to bed, I'll be there in a minute to tuck you in," she told the girl before turning to Elliot. "I'm not defenseless, Elliot. I can handle your kids," she said with a glare.

"I know. I just wish you didn't have to."

She sighed.

"Just go do your job, Elliot. And call me. So I'll know whether or not to wait for you to take off my dress."

"God, Liv," he chuckled.

He kissed her and she moaned when he slipped his tongue in her mouth and grabbed her ass. He pulled away and threw a quick glance over her shoulder.

"Night everyone," he said.

She closed her eyes in a sigh before she turned slowly to face his three other children. Kathleen was smiling slightly with her arms crossed on her chest. Liz had her head down and her hands in her pockets. Richard was glaring at her with a petulant smirk on his face.

"How far do you think you can walk in my mother's shoes, Olivia?" he asked her.

"I'm not trying to fill anyone's shoes, Richard," she told him with a glare.

She picked up a fifty from her purse and handed it to Kathleen with a smile. She thanked her for babysitting, said goodnight and went upstairs.

oooooooooo

She had taken off her dress and had fallen asleep under the covers in her underwear. She awoke when she felt the mattress dip beside her. She turned and opened her eyes slightly. She scooted closer to Elliot and rested her head on his bare chest.

"'Time is it?" she slurred.

"Almost three. Gotta be back at the precinct by eight."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"I took the dress off."

"Not the underwear." He smiled against her hair.

She laughed softly and climbed on top of him, leaning down to kiss him.

"You sure you wouldn't rather sleep?" she asked against his lips.

"Not in a million years."

He sat up to kiss and lick her neck and his hands moved to her back to unclasp the black bra.

oooooooooo

She hadn't seen much of him the next few days. He would arrive late and leave early but at least he was sleeping in their own bed she thought.

It was now Sunday and she came down for breakfast with Ella. She found a plate of pancakes waiting in the warm oven along with a note. _Family tradition. Love, El._

He was there for dinner that night, declaring that they had caught the guy. She watched him hug Ella and smile at her. He was okay, she thought. It wasn't one of these cases that would haunt him. They had closed it and he was done. She smiled back.

Afterwards, once Ella was asleep in her bed, he led her to the bedroom, kissing her all the way. They undressed each other, kissing, biting and licking every inch of the uncovered skin. When they were both naked, she backed him until he hit the mattress and sat down on the edge of the bed. She kneeled before him and placed her hands on his thighs. She looked up at him with a slight grin and she felt his whole body tense.

"Olivia…" he breathed.

His voice was a deep rumble and the sound of it made the heat pool between her legs. She watched him when she lowered her mouth on him. His knuckles were white where he was gripping the bed. His other hand flew to the back of her head and he grabbed a fistful of her hair.

Her hands moved up his legs until her thumbs brushed his inner thighs. Her tongue slid around his cock and she heard him hiss between clenched teeth. She felt him pulse in her mouth.

"Fuck Liv," he gasped.

She let him go briefly and chuckled.

"Elliot," she said softly. "Let go."

"Fuck no," he replied.

He leaned down to grab her by the waist. He lifted her on the bed, rolled over her and slid inside her. She cried out in surprise and pleasure. He didn't move for a second and he hovered above her, looking her in the eyes. He was already panting from his restraint and he breathed heavily against her lips.

When he started moving insanely slow inside her, she bit down on her lip. He opened her mouth to his and slipped his tongue inside. He moaned and she wondered whether he could taste himself. She felt the pleasure building with each thrust.

"Come on Liv," he growled.

She slid her hand down between them to touch herself as the other gripped the sheet. He cursed as she brushed against him in the process. She threw her head back and uttered a strangled moan. She followed him over the edge, her eyes shutting close and her back arching. He stayed above her and her breasts brushed against his chest with each heavy breath she took.

He grabbed her wrist and brought her hand from under him and to his mouth. She moaned softly as she watched him lick her fingers clean. He looked at her and kissed her lips when he pulled out from her. He rolled them over, his arms around her waist. She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

After several minutes of silence she raised herself up on an elbow and looked at him.

"Elliot… El?"

He didn't open his eyes and she assumed he was already asleep. She brushed her fingers lightly on his chest before settling back against him.

"I love you," she whispered before closing her eyes again.

oooooooooo

After having pulled several all-nighters in the last few days, he was planning on coming in later to work that Monday. So he took his time at breakfast with Olivia and Ella, catching up on what the girls did during the weekend.

Her cell phone rang when they were clearing out the kitchen. She went to the living-room to pick it up. She came back after a short conversation and hesitated in front of Elliot. She opened her mouth to say something but frowned instead. She held out her phone and pointed at it.

"That was the Deputy Commissioner's office, from the Training Bureau," she told him.

"Really? What did he want?"

"Apparently, he wants to meet with me about maybe starting a class on Special Victims."

He put his hands on his hips and grinned at her.

"They've been talking about giving that kind of training for years," she added. "It might be nothing."

He smiled and took her face in his hands to kiss her.

"And maybe someone realized how perfect you'd be for that kind of job," he told her.

"You didn't have anything to do with it, did you?"

"Please, the brass has a coronary every time my name comes up."

"Right," she said in chuckle. "I'm meeting him tomorrow afternoon. I guess we'll see then…"

She gave him a hesitant smile and he brushed her hair behind her ear.

oooooooooo

He called her the next day after lunch. He was having drinks with some people from work and wanted to show her off. His words. She laughed, agreed and hung up.

It was almost 7:30 when she stepped into the bar, dressed in jeans, a white blouse and leather jacket. She looked around and spotted the already occupied booth. From where she was standing, she could see Elliot, Rollins and Fin sitting next to each other. She hesitated. She had been looking forward to meeting his partner, now she was afraid of feeling like an outsider. She shook her head lightly and walked up to them with a smile.

"Evening everyone," she greeted.

They all stood up from their seat and Elliot came to her side. He put his hand on her back but didn't kiss her. She was thankful. She was definitely not one for public displays. He pointed at the party guests, introducing her to the ones she didn't know.

"Liv, this is Detective Kelly Mason, my partner, and her boyfriend Dwayne Smith, who works with Casey. You've met Rollins and Amaro. And well, the rest you know," he told her.

She shook everyone's hand and lightly hugged Casey and Fin. She turned to Kelly. The woman was rather petite and had short, curly dark hair and green eyes. She was probably not much older than Maureen, Olivia realized.

She had felt a pinch at her heart at the word partner. That wasn't her anymore. But she felt the warmth of Elliot's hand on her back and the twinge of regret faded away as she thought about what she was to him now.

"It's nice to meet you Detective Mason," Olivia told her.

"Call me Kelly." The woman smiled.

The female detective seemed nice enough but Olivia had the slightest urge to grill her, make sure she was competent enough at her job. Instead she smiled back.

"Call me Olivia."

"That's it?" Kelly asked. "With your reputation, I thought you'd put me through the ringer a little bit."

"My reputation?" Olivia laughed. "And what exactly would that be?"

Next to her, Elliot lowered his head and chuckled lightly.

"Well, you know, word is you're kind of a b… badass… In a good way I mean," Kelly explained.

"Don't mind her," Dwayne said. "She's crazy smart but slightly socially inept."

The brunette nudged him in the stomach. Olivia smiled.

"It's okay," she said and looked at Kelly again. "Can I trust you to have my… Elliot's back?"

She grimaced at her own slip up. _My what?_ Fuck. Elliot was Elliot. He wasn't her anything. She felt everyone's eyes on her and saw Elliot smirk from the corner of her eyes. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Well, don't worry Olivia," Kelly answered. "I'm good at my job. I'll have your Elliot's back," she added with a smirk.

Olivia rolled her eyes. Casey laughed and sat down in the far end of the booth. Olivia slid in next to her and Elliot followed. Kelly, Dwayne and Nick sat opposite to them while Fin and Amanda grabbed two chairs. Elliot started to chat with Nick and Fin while pouring beer into the empty glasses. Kelly leaned forward against the table.

"So you guys ever did it at work?" she asked looking at Elliot and Olivia.

He choked on his beer and she just stared with her mouth slightly agape.

"Told you," Dwayne said, "social misfit."

"Oh shut up. But I mean, you still hear rumors after all this time, you gotta ask."

"No you really don't, honey," Casey laughed.

"How about we change the subject?" Elliot asked.

She felt him tense and put a hand on his thigh.

Aside from a few awkward moments, the evening was pleasant. She was actually surprised at how at ease she still felt, despite having left the Force. After a couple of beers, Elliot rested his arm behind her, on the back of the seat and started lightly playing with her hair.

"You guys are cute," Casey whispered in her ear before she laughed.

Olivia rolled her eyes but didn't move from Elliot. He scraped his fingers on her scalp and she tuned out the voices around her. She turned her head to him and set her chin on his shoulder.

"I wanna go home," she breathed out.

He chuckled, turned to her and nodded. He excused them both and they all agreed it was time to go anyway, having to work in the morning. They said their goodbyes in front of the bar and went their separate ways.

"You okay?" Elliot asked her when they were alone.

"Yes. Kelly is... something," she joked.

"Tell me about it," he answered in a breathy laugh. "But she's a really good cop, and a good partner."

"Well I'm glad," she said.

He turned to her and put his hands on her hips. He looked at her with a small smile.

"Although no one will ever be as good as you, obviously."

"I don't need my ego stroked, Elliot," she said and raised an eyebrow.

"That sounded dirty," he said against her lips.

She laughed and he pulled her in a kiss. On the drive back to Brooklyn, Elliot finally asked her about her meeting at the Training Bureau. He glanced at her hesitantly. She bit back a smile.

"It's… on," she told him.

"Wait, what?"

She smiled and tucked back her hair, thinking back on her meeting.

"The deputy chief got… he showed me two letters he received a couple of days ago, after word got out that they wanted to start a new class… Cragen and Judge Donnelly… they wrote to him saying that it was about time that they offered training in dealing with special victims. And… they suggested my name for it. Although I'm not sure I made such an impression, I was so stunned."

She looked at him and he was grinning.

"I'm sure you were great, Liv. Cragen and Donnelly, huh? They're right, you know."

"I can't believe they did this."

He smiled and squeezed her hand.

"So it's official? They offered you the job?"

"Yeah," she breathed out. "There are still a few wrinkles to iron out but… yeah."

"And you said yes."

"I couldn't not say yes, Elliot. I mean… for so long, my job had been the only thing giving my life meaning. Then Ella was born, and that was enough. It still is. I'm done with the trenches, but if I can help people do the job we used to do…"

"You will, Olivia. You'll do good."

She shrugged and looked at the road ahead of them.

"It will just be two/three hours a week, starting in September. So I can do that in addition to my job at Vinci. It's… almost too good to be true, isn't it?"

"Stop worrying about things going wrong, Liv. You deserve to be happy."

She watched him and narrowed her eyes. She thought about the road she had travelled, about how far they had both gotten. She saw the pieces of her life finally falling into place and everything coming together. But mostly she realised how good it felt to be happy and not feel guilty, or terrified at the idea.

She sunk back into the seat and looked out the windshield.

"I love you, you know," she suddenly said.

"I know."

She looked back at him to see him smirking.

"You cocky bastard," she muttered with a small smile.


	13. Epilogue

_Well this is it, people! I can't thank you enough for your reviews and all your support during this story._

_I hope you'll enjoy this epilogue because there won't be a sequel. Don't forget to leave one last comment! ;)_

_Mariah, I can't thank you enough for your beta work and your wonderful feedback!_

* * *

><p>Thanksgiving had never really been a special holiday for her. Growing up with Serena, holidays were often forgotten and rarely celebrated. She had been invited to the Stablers' house a couple of times, but had only gone once, early in their partnership. After that, Thanksgiving had just been another evening where she volunteered to catch the calls.<p>

Which is why she couldn't quite believe she was now hosting a Thanksgiving dinner with Elliot.

This year, he had his children for Thanksgiving and Kathy had them for Christmas. That changed every year. Maureen had been brave enough to bring along her fiancé. Olivia had also suggested that they invite people from work, mainly Fin, Munch, Cragen, Casey and Kelly who rarely had someone to spend the holidays with. Kelly had recently broken up with Dwayne; Nick was spending the evening with his family; Amanda had declined the invitation and she suspected she was actually with his partner's family.

Which is how they had ended up with a table set for fourteen. They had set the extensions to the table to accommodate everyone. The kitchen was a mess and the dining-room was buzzing with several conversations. That was a whole new experience for her. But she was happily adjusting.

Ella however wasn't put out by the agitation of a big family, not to mention surrogate family. It was really the first Thanksgiving she was old enough to comprehend and she was enjoying herself. Elliot and Olivia had done their best explaining to the little girl what the holiday was about. Luckily for them, it wasn't a religious holiday. They still tended to disagree when it came to religion.

oooooooooo

_Over the years, she had seen him slowly let go of his faith as the horrors of their job piled up. So she was fairly surprised when he declared they were going to church on Easter._

"_We're not going to church," she replied. "When did you become religious again anyway?"_

"_I never stopped, Liv. What do you mean we're not going to church?"_

"_Well, go if you want, but Ella and I will be content with an eggs hunt."_

_He put his hands on his hips and glared at her. _

"_I'm catholic, Liv."_

"_I'm not. And neither is Ella."_

"_It's not your choice."_

"_You're right, it's not. It's her choice, Elliot. And when she's old enough to understand your priest's sermons, you can take her along with you. I won't object if she wants to get christened. But right now, she's too young for church to be anything else than brainwashing."_

"_You're not serious?" he asked with disbelief._

"_Ok, maybe brainwashing's a bit harsh. But why is it so important for you that she goes to church anyway?"_

"_Because my faith is important to me and that's something I want to share with her."_

"_Elliot, I have the upmost respect for your faith. But it's not something you can teach. You can't tell someone what to believe in. She'll have to decide that for herself, when she's old enough. For now, let her believe in the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus."_

"_What do you believe in?" he asked her with an intrigued look._

_She sighed and tucked hair behind her ear._

"_I believe that both evil and goodness are human attributes. I believe in free will and choices and responsibility. I don't believe there's a God somewhere with a grand design."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because if you say there's a reason for a kid getting killed, you're taking the blame away from his murderer."_

"_It's not about blame, it's about finding solace in a tragedy."_

"_That's superficial. If you thank God for miracles, you also blame him for tragedies. And then nothing is ever up to any of us, really. I'd rather believe we're the only ones who choose between evil and goodness."_

_He stared at her for a long moment. He let it go and didn't go to church. But he had still been pissed at her for days afterwards. _

_She thought about their conversation again, about a week later. He was taking his latest case pretty hard: a minister killed by his son who had been desperate to put an end to the blows. The 16 year old had been charged with murder two. Elliot came home late and checked on Ella. Then he barged in their bedroom when Olivia was changing. _

_He fucked her desperately, hard and fast up against the wall. She cried out in pain because she hadn't been quite ready for him. But the wave of pleasure soon followed and built up quickly until she bit his shoulder to keep herself from crying out loud from her climax. He apologized to her when he came down from his own high. She kissed him softly while she led him to their bed. She laid beside him and brushed her fingers on his tattoo of the Christ. _

oooooooooo

She took the excuse of an empty water pitcher to leave for the kitchen. She filled and set it down next to her as she sat on the kitchen counter. She rested her head against the cupboard behind her and closed her eyes. She heard the revolving door swing open and looked at Elliot.

"Hi." She smiled.

"You okay?"

"Yes, just needed a minute of peace and quiet. Also, I've been thinking…" she told him. "We should go to church for Christmas."

He frowned slightly and walked up to her. He set a hand on the counter next to her thigh and brushed away her hair with the other hand.

"You're sure?" he asked her.

"Yeah, I was just listening to Maureen speaking about her catholic wedding…"

He groaned and she laughed lightly.

"She _is_ getting married Elliot," she reminded him. "Anyway, I guess I see why you want to educate Ella about your faith."

"Thank you," he told her before joking: "You're not getting religious on me, are you Benson?"

"No, don't worry," she answered in a smile. "Even if I did believe in some kind of God, I wouldn't believe in religion, Elliot."

He gave her a small, almost regretful smile and leaned down to kiss her.

"Do you still go to confession?" she asked before his lips brushed hers.

"Not often, but yes sometimes," he answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Just curious. I mean, you do realize we live in sin, right?" she teased.

He laughed against her lips and kissed her.

"A lot of sin", she added.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and deepened the kiss. She moaned and didn't hear the door open until someone laughed uncomfortably.

"Ha, hum… Sorry kids."

She pulled away from Elliot and lowered her head when she saw Don Cragen's embarrassed face. Elliot turned to him but kept a hand on her thigh.

"I just came looking for the water," Don explained.

She jumped down and grabbed the pitcher of water. She stopped and groaned when she noticed the door was still open and her guests were looking at them. She threw a quick glance at Elliot before walking out of the room.

"Damn," Fin said. "Never thought I'd see you blush, Benson."

"Has motherhood mellowed you, Liv?" John asked with a smirk.

"Yeah right…" Richard scoffed.

She glared at her former colleagues before turning to Richard.

"Not everyone is scared of me like you are, Dick," she told him.

She smirked and sat down in her seat, her daughter climbing up in her lap.

Things had gotten a bit easier with his children. She was still closest with Kathleen and Maureen was only distantly polite with her. But her relationship with Richard and Liz was much better.

oooooooooo

_To her own surprise, Kathy had invited her and Ella to the small engagement party she was throwing for Maureen. She had thought about not going but if Kathy was making the effort to invite them, she'd make the effort to go._

_She had survived an abusive alcoholic mother, stalkers, a sexual assault and various attempts on her life. Not to mention, she had delivered and raised a baby girl by herself. But standing with Elliot and Ella at his ex-wife's door had her very stressed out anyway. _

_Kathy greeted them with a tight smile and let them in. She introduced them to Eric, an accountant at the hospital she was working part-time. She expected Elliot to act like a possessive Neanderthal like he tended to do. But he merely gave the man a strong hand shake and a slightly threatening glare. _

_He was a lot more threatening towards Shane though, Maureen's fiancé, and exasperated the young woman in the process. Kathy stepped in with Eric to diffuse the situation, shifting the conversation to the apartment the couple was looking to buy. Olivia moved to leave the group but Elliot wrapped an arm around her waist to keep her to his side. Kathy's eyes dropped to his hand on her hip. _

_Later on, she stood in the garden watching Liz, Richard, Eli, Ella and a bunch of kids she didn't know play soccer. Elliot came behind her, slipped his arms around her waist and dropped a kiss on her shoulder. She turned in his embrace._

"_This is not as horrible as I thought it would be," she told him softly. "Kathy's being… Kathy, really," she said in a breathy laugh. "It's nice."_

"_Yes. And Shane is… okay I guess," he groaned. _

_She laughed and kissed him. _

"_Oh come on!" Richard shouted behind them. "It's bad enough we have to tolerate you, do you actually have to throw yourself at my dad in front of my mother?"_

_She threw a glance at Kathy standing on the porch with Eric, looking more upset at her son than at them. Olivia placated Elliot with a look and walked straight to Richard. She pressed a hand on his chest to push him a few steps back._

"_Okay this shit ends now," she told him angrily. "You're a twenty-one year old snotty brat, Dickie. You may not have had a perfect childhood, but Elliot and I haven't had easy lives too. And I'm pretty sure you don't even know the half of it. We have earned the right to be happy. I have earned the right to be happy! So suck it up and shut your mouth, because I'm done taking your crap."_

_He looked slightly frightened for a minute before he slipped his hands in his pockets and leaned towards her._

"_What about my mom's happiness, Olivia? Or do you not think she has the right to be happy?" he asked her._

_She turned away from him to see Elliot, Kathy and Eric standing a few feet behind them. She lowered her voice when answering Richard._

"_Have you actually asked your mother whether or not she's happy, Richard?"_

_She glared and walked away, leaving him standing awkwardly in front of his parents. She crossed Elliot's eyes and he looked almost proud of her. Back into the house, she went straight to the bathroom to calm down. Kathy caught her coming out a few minutes later. She apologized to the woman for yelling at her son. In response, Kathy gave her a sincere smile._

"_He's a good boy, Olivia. But you did have a point about him being a bit… abrasive at times." Kathy had given her a strong look, and a small, sad smile. "You may not have been good for my marriage, Olivia, but you're good for this family."_

_She seemed slightly amused at Olivia's stunned expression. _

oooooooooo

After that, Olivia relaxed around his family. Richard and she settled in a light banter. He was still a snotty brat but his teasing was almost affectionate now and he was just afraid enough of her that he knew not to cross some lines. He had stopped resenting her mere presence and he had grown incredibly protective of Ella.

Liz was more at ease around her than she had been in the beginning. She had come to her once about a paper she was writing on child abuse. Since then, they talked quite often, never about personal issues though. That was Kathy's role. Liz mostly came to her to talk about the things she heard or saw at the family shelter where she was volunteering. Olivia could handle these things and always made a point about talking it through with the young woman.

Elliot had always been intent on not exposing his family to his job. And yet Kathleen was a rape crisis counselor and Liz volunteered at a shelter. They sometimes managed to sneak into one of Olivia's class at the Academy. She knew their father was both proud and worried about their involvement with special victims. He was just happy about their involvement with Olivia.

She kept reminding herself that she didn't have anything to do with his kids growing up the way they had. She still was incredibly proud of each and every one of them.

Eli was calling her Livy these days. When Elliot wasn't home, he asked her to tuck him in or read him a story. She helped him with his homework and he listened to what she said. Well, mostly. He was a seven year old boy after all. She loved him like he was her own. Elliot had been the catalyst for this evolution; Elliot and his desire to see more of his son.

oooooooooo

_It was a Sunday night and they were lying in bed after Elliot had put the two children to sleep. She was reading some romance novel and as always he poked fun at her choice of literature. _

"_As badass as you can be, deep inside you're really as girly and romantic as Maureen," he teased._

_Not looking up from her book, she slapped him on the shoulder. When he stayed quiet for long minutes, she turned to him and saw the pensive look on his face. She put away her book and laid across his bare chest._

"_What are you thinking about?" she asked him._

"_Eli."_

_He hated Sunday evenings because it meant he wouldn't get to put his son to bed for the next two weeks. It always broke her heart a bit._

"_I want to see more of him," he explained. "I want to change our custody agreement."_

_She raised herself up and he winced when her elbow dug into his chest. _

"_What do you mean?"_

"_I think Kathy and I should be able to spend equal time with Eli. He could spend one week at Kathy's and one week here, if it's okay with you of course."_

"_You're serious?" She frowned slightly at him. "I mean, I think it's great that you want to spend more time with him. And of course, it would be okay with me. But you don't think Kathy is going to fight you on this?"_

"_Maybe not. She practically lives with Eric now. Maybe she'd enjoy the opportunity to spend more time alone with him." He winced at the idea of their alone time._

"_Elliot, I would love to leave Ella with her siblings and go away for a week of sex and sun with you," she said, making him laugh. "But every other week without her? That, I wouldn't love." She saw him frown and kissed his chest lightly. "Look, I think having Eli here the whole week would be fantastic. And I'll support you whatever you decide. But you need to be sure you're willing to start a custody battle. And you need to make sure it's what's best for Eli."_

"_You don't think spending more time with his father would be a good thing?"_

"_Of course I do, Elliot. But it would also mean dividing his time between two homes, having two sets of everything. Not to mention finding a school half-way between here and Jersey City."_

"_Manhattan's half way. And it's where we both work. Besides, he loves spending time with Ella and he's alone at Kathy's. I really want to do it, Olivia. I'm not even sure Kathy would fight it that much. And even if she does, I don't see why a judge would refuse me shared custody. I have steadier hours, so do you, not to mention your salary. Plus, there's his sister in the picture."_

"_Elliot, like I said, I'll support you every step of the way. And Kathy has been great with our whole situation. But you're essentially asking her to agree to her ex-husband's former mistress raising her son half of the time."_

"_Don't call yourself that Liv."_

"_It's what she'll say. Or her lawyer at least."_

"_Kathy wouldn't do that."_

"_I know Kathy is a good and nice person. But you're asking her to give away half her time with her child. If someone tried to take Ella away from me, I'd do anything, including slandering."_

"_I don't want to put you through any more…"_

"_Or for crying out loud, don't worry about me, Elliot. I don't like the word 'mistress' any more than you, but I have thicker skin than that. Like I said, I'll support you."_

_She watched him process their conversation in silence for a minute before his eyes found hers again._

"_I'll talk with Kathy," he declared.._

_She nodded and kissed his bare skin. He rolled on top of her and looked at her with one of his tender expressions that made her heart beat faster._

"_Now, you said something about sex and sun?" he asked._

_She laughed against his lips._

_He talked with Kathy who refused to revise their custody agreement. They hired lawyers and went to court. Elliot's lawyer pointed out their qualifications with dealing with children, her regular hours, his almost regular hours, both their paychecks, and of course the positive presence of Ella in the household._

_Kathy's lawyer accused them of providing an unhealthy environment. Elliot was living out of wedlock with his former mistress and his illegitimate child. Olivia fumed but kept quiet, grabbing Elliot's hand when she saw his jaw clench._

_The judge asked to speak with Eli and Ella. Other than that, they didn't involve his children, refusing to ask them to pick sides. _

_The judge ruled in their favors. Eli's time was to be divided equally between his parents. Elliot looked at her with red-rimmed eyes and smiled. Kathy didn't fight the court's decision and didn't give them anymore grief about it. She didn't hang around after the ruling though. _

_Eli was thrilled with the arrangement, although he still called his mother every day for the first few weeks he spent at Elliot's. Ella was happy too, even though she had to adjust to not being a single child in the household. _

_Elliot murmured countless 'I love you's to her that night. _

oooooooooo

She looked over at the dinner table with a smile: Kathleen and the twins talking about some movie, Maureen and Shane huddled close at the end of the table, Eli and Ella playing on the floor with Barney, Kelly and Munch discussing conspiracy theories while Fin and Don sat between them chuckling and rolling their eyes. Next to her, Casey was talking to Elliot about the new ADA. The three other detectives quickly joined into the conversation.

"You're talking about that blond nympho who has the hots for Elliot?" Kelly asked.

Olivia smirked and turned to Elliot. He gave her an uncomfortable look.

"She just flirts a lot. Honestly I think she's a good ADA. She's not afraid to fight to get her man."

Kelly snorted and Olivia arched an eyebrow at Elliot with an amused smile.

"The guy…" he corrected, "the criminal… Damnit you know what I mean."

"Well still…" Munch said. "I know someone else who wouldn't hesitate to fight to _keep _her man."

"Now that's a fight I'd like to see." Fin laughed.

Olivia groaned and glared at Elliot's grin.

"You know, I may not carry a gun anymore, but I'd still be able to deck you," she told Fin.

He laughed and held out his arms in surrender.

"You think she goes both ways?" Kelly asked. "Cause she really is hot."

"Do you have no filter at all?" Olivia said with disbelief.

"Not really, no," Elliot groaned.

She smiled slightly but remembered an occurrence a few months ago when he had tried to take advantage of his partner's big mouth.

oooooooooo

_She walked into her office that morning and found him sitting in her chair, watching one of the frames sitting on her desk. It was a picture of her and Elliot from just a couple of weeks ago taken in the Brooklyn Bridge Park by Kathleen. She was sitting against his chest, her arms resting on his raised knees. They had hated to pose but had smiled at Kathleen nonetheless. She was glad they had. She loved that picture._

"_Hi," Elliot said when he saw her._

_On any other day she would have greeted him back with a smile. She would have been thrilled to see him. But she hadn't seen him, at all, in three days, neither had his daughter for that matter. She knew the job, the endless hours, the catnaps in the crib… She knew how there were cases you couldn't get away from. She knew that he never wanted to bring that work home. _

_She was still pissed. She wasn't just anyone. She was his former partner and she had made clear to him that he could and should speak to her about the job. _

"_Nice to see you, Elliot," she told him and the greeting was laced with sarcasm. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"_

"_Olivia…" he sighed._

"_Get off my chair."_

_He got up and took the seat on the other side of the desk. She sat down in her chair and looked at the memos in her inbox. He leaned forward._

"_I'm here about a case," he told her._

"_What can I do for you, detective?" she said calmly._

"_I need the file of one of your rejected employee: Gayle Dodson."_

"_She's a victim or a suspect?"_

_It was easier treating it as just business. They had avoided personal issues for years while still maintaining an efficient working relationship after all._

"_Victim."_

"_What happened?" she asked with a slight frown._

"_She was tortured, murdered and dismembered," he told her and stared at her with a strong look, awaiting her reaction. _

_She nodded thoughtfully._

"_I'm sorry but I can't give you that file, Elliot."_

"_Damnit, Olivia."_

_He stood up angrily. _

"_Has it been so long that you don't remember what this job is like?" he shouted. "I'm gripping at straws here to find any kind of lead, to find the deviant son of a bitch who did this. Did I mention she had a four year old little girl? I don't have time for you to play games like any other corporate morons we've come across!"_

_She flinched at the mention of the daughter. But she then pressed her palms on her desk and stood up. She looked at him with angry eyes._

"_I was starting to miss prick Elliot," she hissed. "You seem to think I've just erased twelve years of working at SVU. So, you're shutting me out because you think I suddenly can't handle hearing about the cases anymore. Well you're wrong, Elliot. And you're also wrong about my playing games. You just think my job is a joke compared to what I used to do. Well disrespect me, mock my work all you want, but this is what I do now. I'm not a cop anymore. I'm the annoying corporate moron who tells you to go get a warrant."_

_They stared at each other in silence. _

"_Liv…"_

"_Get the hell out of my office," she said._

_He glared at her again before leaving. As an afterthought, she ran after him. _

"_Hey!" she called out from the doorway. "If you have ten minutes to spare, go say hi to your daughter. Daycare's down on six," she told him._

_He went to see Ella. She stayed pissed._

_Later that same morning, she got another visit from the police, namely a 5'3 brunette._

"_Detective Mason," Olivia sighed. "I hope you're here to serve a warrant. Otherwise, there's nothing I can do for you."_

"_You could come down to the precinct and screw your boyfriend against his locker. Elliot really needs to relax a little."_

_Olivia glared at the woman._

"_Come on, Olivia. You remember what it's like."_

"_Yes I do! But I work here now. I'm assuming you didn't find a judge willing to sign a warrant. So if I did give you that file, I'd risk losing my job and I'd expose the entire firm to a lawsuit."_

"_Then just leave it on your desk and go grab a coffee," Kelly suggested. "We can call you a confidential informant. I know you want to help, Olivia."_

"_You're wasting your time trying to sweet talk me, Kelly. I'm sorry."_

_The detective sighed and got up to leave._

"_Kelly," Olivia called out without looking up from her work. "The victim…"_

"_Gayle Dodson…"_

"_Yes her. You've spoken to her brother yet?"_

"_Hum… she doesn't have a brother," Kelly answered with hesitation._

"_Oh. My bad," Olivia said softly._

_When she got to her office the following morning, her assistant greeted her with a grin. Olivia frowned but didn't comment. She walked into her office to find a vase of red roses and white lilies sitting on her desk._

"_I'm sorry."_

_She jumped and turned to Elliot who was lying on her couch. He stood up._

"_These are from you?" she asked, pointing at the flowers._

"_Is there anyone else they could be from?" he said, raising his brows with curiosity._

"_This is corny."_

_She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against her desk. He stepped closer to her._

"_You know you like corny," he told her. _

"_What are you sorry for?"_

"_Shutting you out, not to mention Ella. And… for what I said yesterday. I respect the hell out of you, Olivia. And I don't think your job is a joke. I just… this case wasn't going anywhere and..."_

"_I know. I do remember, Elliot. Which is way you can talk to me. I fell in love with my partner, Elliot, the one who'd get obsessed and emotionally involved in cases when he really shouldn't. So I'm not looking to change you, just to be there for you."_

_He stared at her for a minute with a soft smile before he tucked a strand of hair behind her hear. _

"_You're incredible," he breathed out. "We found her long lost biological brother, you know."_

"_I have no idea what you're talking about, Elliot."_

_He grinned at her._

"_Fair enough," he said. "She had found him too and had tried to get him away from a cult she used to frequent. He confessed to killing her because of it."_

"_They're going to try a psych defense?" _

"_Probably. But we closed the case," he answered and leaned down closer to her._

"_Hmm," she hummed with a slight nod of her head._

"_Thanks to you," he said against her lips._

"_Again, I have no idea what you're talking about," she retorted with a teasing smile._

_He kissed her and his hands slipped in her hair, bending her head backwards. He scraped his teeth and licked at the pulse point in her neck. He moaned in her ear when she pressed her leg between his. She pulled away and leaned back. She pushed the button of her interphone. _

"_Helen? Hold my calls and keep people out of my office for fifteen minutes," she asked her assistant, not caring what the young woman would think. "Make it twenty minutes," she added when Elliot licked the skin behind her ear. She shut off the interphone and unzipped Elliot's pants. _

"_How many times do you think you can make me come in twenty minutes?" she asked in a husky voice._

_He grabbed her waist, turned her and bent her over her desk with a curse from him and a yelp from her._

oooooooooo

She flushed slightly at the memory of their office sex. She had come twice in these twenty minutes. She had been distracted for the rest of the day after that. Elliot looked at her strangely. He leaned towards her.

"You okay?" he asked her.

She nodded with a smile.

"You do know you don't have anything to worry about, right?" he said. "About the ADA I mean."

"I know," she laughed. "I know, Elliot. But would you like me to get jealous?" she teased. "Would that stroke your male ego?"

He grinned and leaned closer to slide his hand up her thigh against the table. Her breath hitched but she pulled away when she was hit on the head by a piece of bread. She turned to a smirking Casey.

"Hey!" Olivia protested.

"There are children here, not to mention food," Casey told her. "Keep it in the bedroom, guys."

Olivia shook her head slightly. Elliot glared at the ADA and took his hand off her leg.

At dessert, Shane clinked his fork at his glass and got up with a smile. Maureen stood up next to him and wrapped an arm around the man's waist. After an almost six months engagement, they finally announced their wedding date for March. The whole table, including Elliot, congratulated them sincerely.

Kelly then leaned forward against the table to look at Elliot and her. She knew what was coming and glared at the young brunette, hoping it would make her change her mind about asking the question. No such luck.

"So, is the next wedding already in preparation?" Kelly asked.

"Ask Kathleen," Olivia answered. "She's the next one in line."

Kelly threw her an amused glance but didn't push it. The young adult chatted between them, mostly about Kathleen's lack of known boyfriend. Olivia refused to meet Elliot's eyes and instead fingered the third golden necklace falling in the cleavage of her dark blue dress. She knew his mind was in the same place as hers: the day she got that necklace.

oooooooooo

_He talked to her about the cases that bothered him these days. She sometimes had to push him a little, but he talked to her and made a point to come home every day, even if only for a couple of hours. His latest case had kept him long hours at the station that week though. But that Thursday, he came home just a few minutes after her, telling her to pack her bags. _

"_Kathy agreed to keep Eli until Monday," he explained. "Liz doesn't have class on Friday and offered her babysitting services for the weekend, and Zoe will watch Ella on Monday."_

_Zoe was the babysitter they had hired a couple of months before, not wanting to always turn to his children for babysitting duties. _

_She stared at him for a full minute._

"_Are you serious?" she finally asked._

_He nodded and gave her a hard look that didn't invite any discussion. She frowned slightly and left for the backyard where Ella was playing. She called the little girl to her and asked if she was okay with staying with her sister for a few days while mom and dad went away._

"_Where are you going?" she asked. _

"_Long Beach," Elliot answered from behind her. "It's really not far away and we won't be gone long, Ella."_

"_How many sleeps?"_

"_Just four sleeps," he added._

_The girl agreed with a nod of the head and went back to playing._

"_I don't know whether to be relieved or disappointed," Olivia said about her daughter's reaction, or lack thereof. _

_They walked back into the living-room just when Liz was coming in. Olivia hugged her quickly._

"_Thank you so much, sweetheart," she told the young woman._

"_Just go," Liz said with a smile. "And don't bother with the rules and recommendations; I already know them, Olivia."_

_Elliot and Olivia both kissed their daughter goodbye and went upstairs to pack._

_Once they got to the house his mother had left him, they took walks and runs on the beach; they went shopping and ate outside twice. He went swimming while she lay on the beach tanning and reading. They had sex, a lot of it, enjoying the freedom of making love anytime, anywhere in the house without having to muffle their sounds. One night they came silently on the wet sand of the beach, the waves lapping at their feet. _

_She was sore but she didn't give a damn. She couldn't get enough of him._

_On Sunday evening, they sat in silence side by side on the porch, drinking beer. They stared at the sea and the sky and the barely there limit between the two elements. She looked up but didn't move when he went back into the house. He came back minutes later without his beer but holding a small dark blue pouch. _

"_I have something for you," he told her. _

_She frowned and took the gift he was handing her. She put her bottle away and turned slightly to him before opening the pouch. She let the jewelry slide in her palm. She held the necklace between her extended fingers and raised it up in front of her eyes._

"_Elliot…" she breathed out._

_She let the thin but long golden necklace cascade back into her hand. She took the gold ring attached to the necklace between two shaky fingers. _

"_Elliot…" she said again._

_He put a hand in the small of her back and dropped a kiss on her temple._

"_It's not… an engagement necklace, Liv. But… if you ever… want it to be, you'll just have to put the ring on. Meanwhile, it'll remind you of how much I love you every day."_

_His voice was low and gruff from the emotion. She laid her head on his shoulder. She shook from a single sob but the tears slipped silently down her cheeks. She bit down hard on her lip to repress the familiar urge to apologize to him, not because of her reluctance to marriage, but for whatever she had done that made him love her. _

_But she knew he wasn't looking for an apology. And really, that was the point wasn't it? He wasn't looking for anything from her. He was just telling her he loved her. Still gripping the necklace in her fist, she took his hand in hers and got up to go into the house._

_She let him go when they reached the bedroom. She let her pale blue summer dress fall to the floor and slipped the golden necklace over her head, the ring nestling in her marine green bikini. _

_He stared at her with hungry eyes before stepping closer to her. He laid her on the bed and she scraped her fingers on the back of his neck, looking in his eyes._

"_I love you," she told him._

_He kissed his way down her body. He dropped a kiss on the gold ring before pushing the material of her bathing suit away to take her breast in his mouth. _

oooooooooo

After dessert, Olivia went up to put her daughter to bed. When she came out of the girl's room, Elliot was waiting for her, leaning against the wall. She acknowledged his presence with a quick nod and took a step towards the stairs. He grabbed her by the elbow and she turned to him.

"You're upset," he told her.

"I'm not. I'm just sick of the words wedding and marriage," she answered in a sigh. "What is it with people? Do they need proof, guarantee that I'm going to stick around?"

He looked at her without answering. She furrowed her brow slightly.

"Do you?" she asked him.

"Liv," he said.

"Meanwhile," she interrupted him. "You said 'meanwhile'. 'It's not an engagement ring until you want it to be. _Meanwhile _just wear the damn necklace!'"

She looked briefly at Ella's door before walking in her own bedroom. She crossed her arms over her chest as she turned back to the door. Elliot followed her in and closed the door behind him.

"I just want you, Olivia," he said softly. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to marry you. But I'll have you in my life in whatever way you let me."

He took a step closer to her and she lowered her head.

"You call her your first wife," she told him in a whisper. "When you talk about Kathy with someone, sometimes you call her your first wife."

He sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"Well I'll try not to do that anymore," he said and she heard the annoyance in her voice. "Olivia, you don't want to get married, fine. But you can't get that defensive every time it comes up. Because it'll come up again, you know. We have a child, we live together, it's not unreasonable for people to wonder about the next step. No matter how annoying you think it is."

That's when it happened.

That's when the bright picture burned her eyes and made her heart skip a beat.

She could see it: her in a light yellow summer dress standing on the beach in front of his Jersey house, Elliot in a white shirt and beige linen pants leaning down to kiss her lips, Ella running around them holding a small pink bouquet.

She stared at Elliot, a bit dumbfounded at the peacefulness of the image. She felt the sting of the tears in her eyes. He frowned at her and stepped closer.

She imagined him making love to her and she saw the gold band on her finger shine with the reflection of the sun entering through their bedroom window. She heard him introduce her as his wife, not his second wife, not the mother of his child, not his former partner. _This is my wife, Olivia. _

"Liv, you okay?" he asked as he took another step to her.

The lump in her throat was muting her so she simply nodded. She realized a few tears had escaped her and she pressed her lips tightly shut. He opened his mouth to speak but she raised a finger to keep him quiet. She took a deep breath.

"Okay," she said softly. "But a small ceremony, not a big catholic wedding, and not before Maureen gets married."

"What?"

"Ask me. And trust that my answer will really be what I want."

She looked at his tense face until he understood her question.

"Ask me, Elliot," she told him again.

"Marry me?" he finally asked.

He frowned as if he couldn't quite believe he was actually asking.

"I mean…" he said. "Will you marry me, Olivia?"

It wasn't just a question. It was more than a proposal. He seemed to be genuinely wondering if she might actually accept. She looked into his red-rimmed eyes and her lips twitched with the ghost of a smile.

"Yes," she answered with a surprisingly strong voice.

"Are you…?"

"I'm sure, Elliot," she told him. "I won't take your name but we can hyphenate Ella's. I won't wear white and I won't ever put any metaphorical part of your Christ in my mouth."

"A host, Liv," he said with a chuckle. "And I don't care. God I don't care."

He took the last steps to her and took her head between his hands as he kissed her.

She smiled against his lips.


End file.
